Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Cheap Parents Finally Buy Kid New Shirt

This kid is a fan.

Twelve-year-old David Witthoft wore a red Nike shirt to school on April 24.

It's significant because on each of the previous 1,581 days, Witthoft wore the Brett Favre jersey he received as a gift for Christmas 2003 when he was just 7.

Meanwhile, my nephew opened his Philip Rivers jersey on his birthday and said, "Oh boy, a RAIDERS jersey." And then the punk refused to put it on, giving it instead to his sister (who I like better anyway).

Congratulations on the committment. Keeping a kid's attention for 1,500 seconds is tough (that's 25 minutes, slackers), much less 1,581 days. That kid must have been a joy at birthday parties and weddings, showing up in that dog damn jersey. Hey David, it's my wedding chief, do you think you might throw on a collar shirt for once?

And nice bit of parenting, too. How much money did that couple save by not having to buy him clothes for four years? The likely story is that David's parents probably rolled up a huge gambling tab at Foxwoods and when their growing kid came asking about new clothes, they concocted this "streak" to get them out of updating his wardrobe. Four years? That shirt probably looked more like a teenage girl's belly shirt instead of a jersey. The parents probably pretend that they are Scotish so they could send him to school wrapped in a towel. Hell, he probably has to make his own Christmas presents.

The family also is considering sending the jersey to the Packers Hall of Fame. Seriously.

If the Packers Hall of Fame will allow us to speak for them: Keep your (expletive )jersey. We're good with our Don Hutson and Vince Lombardi memorabilia. You know, people who actually played the (expletive) game. The last thing we (expletive) need is some kid's dog damn jersey. Especially because there is no guarantee that he washed that thing every day."


Mr. Goodell said...

You assholes could learn a lot from this kid. I don't like that he only bought one jersey during the last four years. We don't pull out the retro shit for nothing. Buy so more of our stuff at nflshop.com.

As a special request to this kid, we will give him a jersey for 20 percent off.

Michael Jackson said...

boys shirts are half off? I'm there.

Diane said...

Now I don't feel so bad for wearing the same Chargers sweatshirt every day to walk the dogs

NFL Adam's Nephew said...

not cool

Cali Tejano said...

That's it. I'm going to petition the Toronto Blue Jays to enshrine my Rawlings batting practice jersey from 1986.

It would look cool, especially since the team brought it back this year as a "throwback" uniform.