Sunday, April 20, 2008

The Post Mortem

Danica Patrick has finally won an Indy-car race, ending one of the longest droughts since A.C. Green got married. A lot of you compared Patrick to Anna Kournikova and that wasn’t an entirely fair or accurate argument.

Anna is hot.

Of course, Danica’s victory smacked of the same authenticity of Randy Orton’s WWF title reign. That’s not to say that the race was fixed. But you have to figure that Indy racing was likely tired of having its only bankable star being the Brooklyn Brawler of the circuit. Now the “Danica can’t win the big one” will no longer be the topic when the Indianapolis 500 rolls around. Now we can just go back to ignoring the whole thing all together.

The Spurs and the Suns played in one of the greatest games in NBA history. Too bad it was only Game 1 of a best-of-seven first-round series, which seemingly won’t resume until next season. And if the NBA’s scheduling wasn’t enough to turn you off of basketball, the Hack-a-Shaq certainly would.

This feels safe to say now that Shaq no longer plays for the Lakers, but fouling Shaq is one of the biggest bush-league maneuvers in basketball. Not that it isn’t in the rules, and San Antonio was not wise to take advantage. But it brings to mind that famous scene from the Cannonball Run were the contestants were making a made dash for the finish line until Burt Reynolds jumped on the pile.

Reynolds knocked down the challengers (except for Captain Chaos and Adrienne Barbeau), leading Roger Moore to exclaim, “That is not a sporting way to win.”

To which Dean Martin replied, “No, it’s a (expletive) way to win.”

Of course, Dean was the same guy who said, “When somebody is sitting there holding all of the aces, the only thing left to do is kick over the table,” in Robin and the Seven Hoods. The sentiment still holds, however. Instead of finding a way to circumvent the rules, how about finding a way to be better than the other guy. A strange notion in a world where athletes ingest steroids in Slurpees and Olympic figure skaters hire goons to bash in somebody’s knee. But doesn’t anybody want to take the sporting way out?

Of course, Greg Pock-mock-o-vich has a bunch of rings, and yours truly toils on a blog. So that is where principals get you.

So forgive me for waiting a while to check in to the NBA Finals.

  • Who hits better, the Washington Nationals or the Long Beach PD? Police in riot gear were called to a Pennywise concert at the Long Beach Grand Prix on Saturday, sending a couple of people to the hospital, including a 40- to 50-year old man who was tasered by police. Knowing that it was a Long Beach resident going to a Pennywise show leads you to believe the dude probably deserved it.
  • Eli Messiah was wed this weekend. The bride was said to be wearing a stunning gown with gold embroidering with a large bow and short train in the back. No word on what Eli's groom was wearing.
  • You are not officially a California resident until you are rear ended at least once. (In a car, sickos.) Welcome to California, Torii Hunter. The Angels center fielder was involved in a car accident on Friday when his Bentley was rear ended by a car that was struck by an orange spouped-up civic driven a Fast and the Furious wannabe. Hopefully that guy will be beaten repeatedly by his friends.


Nice arm on that kid. She throws better than Mark Prior.


Cali Tejano said...

Go Spurs Go! Now that the games count, I can finally pay attention to my basketball team.

And Torii lost his cherry over the weekend. Nice. I got drilled in the driver's side door by one of those Hondas at 40mph and walked away from it unharmed.

The Honda driver? KTFO'ed and a broken ankle and ribs, too.

Adam, you're right. Maria is hotter, but at least I can laugh along with everyone else at Danica's beaver in those cheesy GoDaddy commericals.

FFJewbacca said...

Starting the day with a Deano quote from Robin and His Seven Hoods? That's why I have this site favorited.

Mr. Goodell said...

Interesting stuff here today. But I notice that there isn't one damn word about the NFL Draft! The greatest day of the year because I get to fuck a camera for six straight hours. You did know the draft was this week, right?

Diane said...

Good point - it's never taken any other driver 3 whole years from his rookie season to get a first win.

NFL Adam said...

That's true. But not every rookie is pumping out endorsements over wins. If she didn't want to be unfairly scrutinized, she didn't have to pose for Sports Illustrated. She didn't have to take the money from Go Daddy.

And this isn't about gender, either. Reggie Bush gets ripped for doing numerous ads, but not living up to his lofty expectations.

What's funny is that her winning now makes her less interesting, at least in my book.

Diane said...

Some day I will uncover the secret reasons for your dislike of Danica. . .

NFL Adam said...

She strikes me as the Eli Messiah of IRL. I don't know what I have done in the world that has allowed Gomer, the Red Sox, Eli and now Danica to win.

At least the Raiders still blow.

Kordell said...

I don't care what Adam says, I'd hit it.