Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Boston Grips Over Brady's Absence

Tom Brady has been seen traveling around Europe with Gisele instead of attending team workouts. And this has many Patriots fans worried. In this week's Ask Reiss:

I have been under the impression that Brady is a big part of the off-season work out program and I have been seeing pictures of him running around Europe with Gisele. What's up with that? I would think after the way the season ended he would be front and center in the weight room, not at fashion shows. I hope I am wrong but it seems like he is losing his focus that has made him great in the past. What are your thoughts?
Eric


Sure, Eric. Odds are if you were faced with the dilemma of gallivanting around Europe with a supermodel or attending a voluntary work function, you would be at work. Eric likely has the boiler to rival Mo Vaughn, a thick beard like Matt Light housing month-old Ritz crackers, while wearing a sweatshirt so grungy Bill Belichick wouldn't even wear it. Like the before pictures of Jared from Subway in a three-sizes too small Brady jersey.

Eric's daily routine probably consists of searching for Candace Michelle nude photos and trying to get to the expert level of Doom IV. The only time he sees the sun is when is mother sends him out to the Dunkin Donuts to get her an extra large coffee and a package of smokes.

And he thinks that Brady should be at the voluntary workouts instead of hanging out with one of the most beautiful women in the world. Brady broke nearly every passing record this season, and went 16-0 in the regular season, and these fans are pissed that Brady is taking a vacation? This is why people hate you, Boston.

12 comments:

Bain said...

Tom Brady gallivanting through Europe with the world's hottest hottie? Now that's butch!

Trying to buy it, but the only gallivanting I'm seeing is toward some karaoke stage in the Montmartre with a Blue Nun Slinky in one hand and The Best Of Pete Shelley in the other.

Kenny Chesney said...

Man, I wish I was out hanging with hotties.

Tom Cruise said...

My hottie dog is hanging out. Does that count?

G Loose said...

I believe that Eric is really a 300-pound guy who runs marathons, pounds TOGO sandwiches, and is bald as fuck.

Jeff Garcia said...

If you are hanging out with hot chicks, you are straight. Period.

Richard Simmons said...

The chicks I hang with are so hot they're sweatin'!

Cali Tejano said...

Brady's getting his daily workout. I just hope for Eric's sake he's using condoms this time or that Baby Daddy Drama will derail this coming season right around Week 13.

Captain Anonymous said...

Eric likely has the boiler to rival Mo Vaughn, a thick beard like Matt Light housing month-old Ritz crackers, while wearing a sweatshirt so grungy Bill Belichick wouldn't even wear it. Like the before pictures of Jared from Subway in a three-sizes too small Brady jersey.

Wait, so Eric's JaMarcus Russell?

Seitz said...

The only time he sees the son is when is mother sends him out

It's OK, I don't proof read my posts either.

KStew said...

I am all about the hotties.

Sen. Larry Craig said...

Tap my shoe if you like hotties!

NFL Adam said...

I'll give you an admin tool if you want to be the copy editor, Seitz.