Thursday, February 28, 2008

It's A Conspiracy

Maxim magazine gave The Black Crowes' new album, Warpaint, a negative review in its most recent magazine. (That leading many to ask, Maxim magazine is still around? Seriously, didn’t they go out of business like five years ago? The only seem to market to plump public servants in Portland.)

The only problem with the review is, well, the Black Crowes didn't hand out any advance copies. In fact, the band only released one single. The magazine instead made an "educated guess," on what they thought the album was going to be like.

Did they get Nickelback and the Black Crowes confused or something? You can make an educated guess that Creed's new album is going to be horse (bleep), but the Crowes have earned a reputation.

In fact, you should only make "educated guesses" in certain case.

  • That chick on the phone that sounds hot, isn't. Especially if she's from Boston.
  • The Raiders will have another losing season.
  • And any movie with Michael Ironside is going to be money.

And that's about it. You could probably blame ESPN’s Sports Dork Bill Simpson for this. As his influence of lazy journalism is ruining the written world. Not that Maxim is know for its snappy writing.

Maxim issued this apology following the bogus review.

Maxim editorial director James Kaminsky responded Tuesday with this statement: "It is Maxim's editorial policy to assign star ratings only to those albums that have been heard in their entirety. Unfortunately, that policy was not followed in the March 2008 issue of our magazine and we apologize to our readers."


Wow, that almost seemed sincere. My apology after telling a former supervisor, "you are not good at your job and nobody wants to work with you," had way more feeling. Needless to say, the Crowes weren't impressed.

“In my opinion, Maxim’s ‘apology’ is self-serving damage control by failing to mention The Black Crowes. The appropriate action from Maxim is to immediately issue a public apology to The Black Crowes for disparaging both the band and their soon to be released new album ‘Warpaint’ without having heard the material.”

Yes Maxim, why not going back to being a cheap knockoff of Playboy, but without the literary excellence or, you know, actual reviews of music and movies.

16 comments:

flohtingPoint said...

Music reviews/critics in general are, as word verification bluntly put it this morning, "arnydks". They let things like image and marketability affect their ratings. Writing their column isn't exactly like filling out a coaches poll ballot for div1a football, and everyone knows record companies notoriously slide critics a bit of cheddar to grab an extra half a star and such.

Seitz said...

Every once in a while, a record reviewer really hits a home run.

The Hatriot said...

I can't remember, are the Black Crowes Lynyrd Skynyrd with GEDs? Or are they what the Allman Bros would sound like if the rest of them were killed in motorcycle crashes and replaced with soul-less studio hacks? Little help...

Owen Wilson said...

What kind of man could leave Kate?

GMoney said...

The Black Crowes fucking suck. That is all.

Hateracer said...

If you take Maxim seriously for anything, you're missing the point. I like the Crowes, but this is not worth anyone getting their panties in a bunch over.

By the way, Maxim is usually funnier than this blog.

NFL Adam said...

Obits are typically funnier than this blog. I fail to see your point.

Fletch said...

Who told you to *think*? I don't give you enough information to *think*! You do what you're told. *That's* what you do!

Chris Benoit said...

I like the Crowes, but this is not worth killing your family over.

Anonymous said...

Why is there a picture of Jake Plummer?

farley said...

Hey,

I resemble that pudgy public servant remark.

An as for hateracer's comment

"By the way, Maxim is usually funnier than this blog."

Well of course it is, you dolt. This blog is all about inside references that few get. I bet you don't even know about Elba's bathroom!

You betta recognize!

Hateracer said...

My bad. I didn't realize this is the meeting space for the Gay Chargers Fan Club. "Inside references." Aren't you tofu-eating West Coast faggots clever. I "recognize" you clowns are only funny to each other. Why don't you bad asses rub each other's cum on your California sunburns.

Anonymous said...

The above is actually the editor of Maxim Online. It's true.

Anonymous said...

Can anyone to explain to me why the word recognize is in quotes?

The Hatriot said...

Of course, hateracer likes the Crowes. He's a 14 year old chronic masturbator whose dick is permanently stained orange from the Cheetos he eats while squinting at the scrambled Cinemax channel. Maybe if he spent less time hanging out in front of the state-run beer store in that rustbelt shithole he calls home trying to pimp a sixer of Yingling, and a little more time rubbing Mama's bunions like she asked, she'd switch from Kools to the plainwrap menthols and they'd have enough left over to get premium cable. But I don't think we should scorn our little speedbag, just because he doesn't embrace that "coherence" or "literacy" that you Coastal Elites seem to care so much about. No, let us learn from this fine young example of fragile X syndrome. Watch me, I'll try to reason with him. Ahem...
Uh, hateracer? I've got a nice, fresh can of Skoal for you! All you need to do is answer a few questions about yourself! Let's start with music. I see you're a Rush fan. Can you tell me why Geddy Lee sings like a choir boy trying to pass a peach pit? Can you? shakes Skoal can

Anonymous said...

This place isn't as funny as Maxim, but that didn't stop the Hateracer from stealing the "Hail to the Deadskins" deal and trying to turn it into a blog.