Thursday, January 03, 2008

The Weak Ender

Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian are engaged. Allegedly. Ms. Kardashian would like to request her privacy at this time. And by respect her privacy, she means take a look at her vagina in the December issue of Playboy. Or in her sex tape. Or check out her reality show.

You want your privacy? Millions of viewers want the hours of their life back spent watching your reality show. Although, watching Bush's nutty parents break bread with Bruce Jenner over Easter would be a very special, must-see episode.

But enough about Bush, and time to talk about some teams that are actually in the playoffs. Here is a look at the four playoff match ups.

Washington at Seattle
The Seahawks need to win this game and finally put an end to all of this Sean Taylor stuff. Tragic story, sure. But the NFL has gone overboard playing this angle up, even allowing most of the NFL to wear the No. 21 decals on their helmets. Gomer couldn't wear black high tops in tribute of Johnny Unitas, but the NFL is kicking around the idea of putting a big No. 21 at midfield during Super Bowl 42. A better idea would be to force all receivers to participate in Super Bowl 42 hungover in honor of Max McGee. So the quicker we get rid of Washington, the better. Just don't expect it to be Seattle. The Seahawks can no longer run the ball and have become one of those one-dimensional, throw-first teams that never survive in the playoffs.

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh
Didn't they play this game like three weeks ago? The Jaguars were much better than the Steelers then, and why should we feel different now? Because everybody and their mother (even Jim Sorgi's Mom) feels that Jacksonville will be the team to challenge the Patriots. They won't. The Steelers are going to abuse the Jaguars, and David Garrard will likely match his season interception total in this game. Jacksonville is due for a letdown, and this game will be it.

New York Giants at Tampa Bay
Patron Saint of THN, Jon Gruden, has a chance to build on his legacy by knocking Eli Messiah out of the playoffs. And what is the mindset of the Giants this week? They played their Super Bowl last week and lost. The Buccaneers were laying on the beach and enjoying some fishing. The self-imposed layoff should make this game much closer than it should be, but Tampa Bay's defense is playing as well as it ever has. The prediction here is that Ronde Barber will have at least one interception return for a touchdown.

Tennessee at San Diego
This had the makings of a huge Titans upset, until all of their receivers got hurt. First, Bo Scaife lacerated his kidney and now receiver Roydell Williams broke his ankle. (Couldn't be the karma for the cheap shot on Shawne Merriman?) The Chargers don't even need to show up on the field and all of the Titans will start falling over. Still, the aura of an upset still lingers in the air. Especially since 500 tickets still remain, meaning the game could be blacked out in Southern California. Don't blame Chargers fans, though. You grab the boiling pot so many times before you learn to keep your hands to yourself. And hell, it might rain. If there is something Southern California fans won't do in the rain -- other than drive -- it's going to sporting events. Instead, we'll sit in our 695 s.f. cookie-cutter home as it slides down a burned-out hillside in our master planned community.

Javon Walker has come to the realization that he was much better off having Brett Favre throw to him than Jay Cutler, according to this story sent to us by Bucky. So it turns out that Walker is just like Terrell Owens, without the heart and touchdowns.


Conrad Bain said...

Good post... you've returned from the holidays very bitter and, dare I say, in fine fettle.

I don't buy half the playoff picks, but I'll take TB and Hat! in spite of the Bernie Lootz touch you just laid on them.

BostonSucksMyBlog said...

where did you hear about a possible 21 decal at the SB? That would be retarded. The Skins didnt even know he was there. If he was in DC rehabbing, he'd be alive.

And...recall they didnt let Peter King's ex husband Jake Plummer honor Tillman.

Chris said...

Any post that features Kim K and her brilliant assets is quite frankly, a formula for success.

I'm with you on all the picks except I got the GMen winning. Eli baby! Terrible... I know.

Dirk Koetter said...

I can't believe they didn't let Plummer honor Tillman.

Oh, and don't pick the Jaguars to go anywhere in the playoffs. I have no chance at beating anyone in the playoffs.

gaylord said...

Eli will romp the Bucaneers, he'll be tossing those hail marys to Plexiglass all day, meanwhile the Giants defense will shut down "the Rat" to the tune of a few sacks and a few INTs, Giants win a romp, Eli Messiah hailed as savior

Diane said...

"And hell, it might rain. If there is something Southern California fans won't do in the rain -- other than drive -- it's going to sporting events. Instead, we'll sit in our 695 s.f. cookie-cutter home as it slides down a burned-out hillside in our master planned community."

Weren't you the guy who was complaining bitterly last season when a Chargers game was moved to the evening, and you were worried you would be cold?

NFL Adam said...

First off, thanks for commenting. And after google-searching "fine fettle," I would have to say that I agree.

And yes, I'm the dude who doesn't like to go to sporting events when it's cold. I doubt Philip Rivers would show up in the freezing cold to watch me work, so I won't return the favor. And I know for a fact that his aunt wouldn't give her neice a wool cap in the cold, but that's a story for another day.

Fletch said...

Please find a way to work the Kurt Warner Machine into the next football-related post.

Anonymous said...

And the Angels

Anonymous said...

And the UFC

Anonymous said...

How about a Cannonball Run reference, too?

buckyor said...

Jax beats Pitt. The Steelers would win if they had Willie Parker, but they don't, and as a result they are the exact sort of one-dimensional team that doesn't win games. You know, the kind whose one dimension is just not that good. In this case, the Steelers passing attack.

Seattle beats Washington. I'd love to see Washington win this and then go into Dallas next week and take out the Cowboys. But I just don't see how it happens. Seattle's a tough place for a visitor to play, even if that visitor is good. The Skins are just above average. As for Seattle being one-dimensional- they'll be less so than the Steelers, and they'll have Matt Hasselbeck and a better passing game than Pittsburgh has.

Tampa beats New Jersey. The Gmen are everyone's sweetheart right now-at least, everyone east of Philly. They played the Pats tough. Only problem is that they still lost. That's the legacy of Eli; he's just good enough to lose tough games to good teams.

San Diego beats Tennessee. Has Norv won in the postseason yet? He'll never have a chance better than this one. You want to talk one-dimensional? I think the Titans are adimensional; one would be a step in the right direction.

Anonymous said...

You haven't been to Las Vegas for a while, do a post about that. BTW, my word verification is Uuucthc which, incidentally, was the name of my dealer at the Imperial Palace.