Sunday, December 30, 2007

The Post Mortem

If digging the Lakers throwback shorts makes me gay, then call me Rock Hudson because those that was pretty cool. Of course, the Lakers jinxed themselves by going back to the clown pants shorts that are currently in vogue in the NBA. Come on, you guys couldn't nut up for one more half? You would be hard pressed to find anybody who didn't get a kick out of that.

Of course, the Celtics could have played along. No, not by wearing short shorts of their own. Rather, by signing a few white guys and putting them all on the floor.

THE PATRIOTS ARE PERFECT

Wow, that was more underwhelming that even my cynical mind would have believed. Going undefeated is a nice achievement, but the buildup was just too much. Not that you can blame the NFL Network. When more than 50 percent of your teams have nothing to play for on Sunday, you might as well focus in on a dominant team.

The argument is out there that we should enjoy the Patriots who are saving us from the mediocrity of parity. But the Patriots just reinforce parity because in order for true parity to exist, there needs to be one perfect team and one winless team -- which the Dolphins almost provided us with. Let's say we go back to the days were each division had three good teams battling for the conference championship. Like the Rams-Cowboys-Vikings trio in the 1970s. Or the Cowboys-49ers-Packers threesome in the 1990s. That was more enjoyable then watching the alleged greatest team of all-time get lit up by Eli Messiah.

  • The Chargers looked like they were performing their annual playoff pratfall a week early during the first half of their game with the Raiders. Way to build up the confidence, Hat.
  • Art Monk's candidacy for the Pro Football Hall of Fame took another hit when he was passed by Isaac Bruce on the all-time list. Sorry, Lil' Hater.
  • Anybody even working today?

AND FINALLY
The Kurt Warner Machine finished one touchdown shy of the Cardinals club record. And he didn't even start every game. The Cardinals should go back to the platoon next season, because it would work. If Matt Leinart isn't down with that, then maybe he should get familiar with sitting on the bench.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

The Weak Ender

The New York Giants laying down for the Patriots would be a rather fitting way to end the season. Especially to defensive end Michael Strahan who broke the single-season sack record when Brett Favre took a dive. Turnabout is fair, play right? So expect Strahan, Eli Messiah and the rest of the gang to roll over. Although, how that will be different from most of the December games the Giants play in? That would be funny if the Giants were trounced 45-0 and the media pressure forced Tom Coughlin to concede that his team was actually trying.

The Giants should, however, just mail this one in. Nobody is expect the Cowboys to try at Washington. The 49ers certainly won't be interested in playing at Cleveland. The only team you have to feel bad for is Tennessee who will be playing Indianapolis. That apple polisher Gomer doesn't take games off, and you have to admire him for that. Well, unless you are Jim Sorgi's Mom. Then you know that she must be livid that Gomer has to go out and try hard in every single game.

  • Bucky and Dawuss nailed Lil' Hater's lament in the comment section of the previous post, that being that the NFL finally caved on it's NFL Network game because it involved the New York Giants. Hard to imagine the NFL budging if this was, say, the Patriots vs. the Chiefs. But leave it to the NFL to throw away its only leverage so the country can see the Hefty Lefty go through the motions against the Patriots. Great move. The one question, though, why does America feel like they deserve to have this game on free TV? Where is Congress to demand that Wrestlemania should be on free television? Or the UFC? The NFL and DirecTV should be able to design its own business model. And if the game means that much to you, get a dish or go to bar. Just stop with the bellyaching.
  • Warren Sapp was fined $75K for his temper tantrum in Jacksonville last week. Sapp should have just punched the guy if he was going to lay out that kind of money. This, of course, would have never happened in an Eddie Guns' called contest.
  • The Chargers can wrap up the No. 3 see with a win over the Raiders on Sunday. Still believe that the Chargers would be better off facing the Patriots in the second round. Well, that is if they get to the second round.
God bless the Pac-10 for quitting in its bowl games. The Arizona State game would be disturbing, but Dennis Erickson really hasn't had the chance to bring in his own players yet. Oregon is going to have to start a Leaf. Damn, load up against the rest of the Pac-10 outside of USC. Losers. But hey, the Pac-10 has two teams in the top five in the NCAA hoops and Arizona might just be the best team.

AND FINALLY
Southern California lost a legend with the passing of Stu Nahan. That name might not be familiar to you outside of Southern California, but you should recognize him from all of the Rocky movies. Or better yet, this famous clip. (Just as Matt P. predicted I would post.)

RIP Stu.



Stu had better be in the Academy Awards montage for stars who have died. If they have a ceremony this year, that is.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Guy to save Lakers Hoops

NBA basketball doesn't get a lot of run here in The Hater Nation -- and rightfully so -- but if there is one guy who makes us take notice and watch games, it's Andrew Bynum. It was noted in this space last year that Kobe Bryant's dismissal of Bynum was highly ironic. Remember, if was Kobe lofting air-balls in Utah, ruining the Lakers chance at the finals.

Bynum is now starting to fulfill that promise that made him the No. 10 overall selection and leading many to breathe a sigh of relief that Mitch Kupchak stuck to his guns. The Lakers aren't quite at the top of the mountain, yet. And out here, you have to win championships. But the Lakers are a lot closer right now, then they would have been if they had traded Bynum to New Jersey for Jason Kidd.

(Of course, if the Nets want to give away Kidd for say, Kwame Brown straight-up, that's cool. And that's really Mitch's only blunder, trading Caron Butler for Brown.)

The Lakers, even if they don't make any moves, are getting closer to being a factor in the West. And it seems that Bynum's presence has helped to appease Kobe, too. You notice he's no longer asking for Jermaine O'Neal because he has a younger, maybe better version of O'Neal right on his own team. It's too bad Michael Cooper or James Worthy isn't the GM of a scrub team with a superstar who could just give somebody away to the Lakers for nothing.

But right now, just watching this team starting to become a contender again is satisfying.

Monday, December 24, 2007

About Rivers' Taunting ...



Kind of torn on how to feel about Philip Rivers taunting of Jay Cutler.

The taunting is kind of funny on one hand, kind of in the same way that makes professional wrestling entertaining. Although, this is the equivalent of Moon Dog Rex or Leaping Lanny Poffo running his mouth. Players having that kind of gumption is cool. But only if that player is actually good. The taunting -- good natured or not -- is kind of ironic considering that Rivers is the Chargers biggest liability right now. Yes, even bigger than Norv Turner himself who has found a way to almost take himself out of the picture.

Right now, the Chargers would stand a better chance of beating the Patriots than they would the Colts. Only because the weather in New England could neutralize both quarterbacks. And 10-on-10, the Chargers are actually better than the Patriots. San Diego would be a much bigger disadvantage if they had to play the Colts indoors. You would hope that Gomer's choking would equal out, but that probably isn't the case.

So, in the end, my official feeling is that Rivers should probably just shut his mouth and keep handing the ball off to LaDainian Tomlinson. Rivers should probably look at Trent Dilfer as his hero, instead of Ric Flair.

Congratulations Raiders

Lane Kiffin finally knows what it is like to truly be the head coach of the Oakland Raiders. And somebody had better get him the phone number for the West Virginia AD. Stat.

Warren Sapp went ballistic during the Raiders embarrassing loss to the Jaguars on Sunday, drawing three unsportsmanlike conduct penalties culminating in his ejection. The Raiders once prided themselves on being the most penalized team in the league. But that was when the Raiders were getting flagged for late hits and roughing the passer, penalties that served a purpose.

Sapp's meltdown illustrated the new Raiders philosophy, where they display just how stupid they are. Not that it mattered, much. The Raiders were already down 28-3 at the time, and failed on fourth-and-4 from the Jaguars 20-yard line on the previous drive. Sapp obviously wanted to get the hell out of the stadium and probably was at the club long before JaMarcus Russell tossed his third interception of the game.

That's right JaMarcus, turns out that training camp was kind of important. Don't worry though, the Raiders will have a high draft pick to spend to give you some help this year. Maybe even an offensive lineman. Like Robert Gallery.

BTW, is anybody at work today or at the computer? The biggest question being, did anybody bother to watch NFL games yesterday?

Friday, December 21, 2007

The Weak Ender

Dude, Terrell Owens was totally kidding. How do you people not get that? Owens has always been a practical joker. Like the time he called Jeff Garcia gay. That was a riot. Like the guy who obsessively works out and is never seen with chicks would call out a guy who is married to a former Playmate of the Year. That was totally a joke.

Or how about the time Owens said that his suicide attempt was actually just him taking too many supplements. Hilarious.

That Owens is such a kidder.

ROMO NEEDS WINS, NOT CHICKS
The Cowboys had better take Saturday night’s game seriously at Carolina and really pound the Panthers. There are already whispers that the club is in its second consecutive December swoon. Distractions from starlets aside, you have to really question Tony Romo’s makeup, and wonder if this is a guy that can lead the Cowboys deep into the playoffs.

But remember, Troy Aikman had a lot of questions about him, too. Hell, Jimmy Johnson was seemingly never convinced seeing that he drafted Steve Walsh and started Steve Beuerlein in a playoff game at Detroit in 1991. Aikman didn’t really have a defining moment of his career until he led the Cowboys to a comeback with three touchdown passes at Denver in 1992. The Cowboys had a tough loss to Washington the next week (Aikman did play well), but the Cowboys came back and pounded the Falcons and Bears before steamrolling through the playoffs. That game against Denver was the point where Aikman turned from a guy with a lot of potential, to a guy who could lead a team.

Romo doesn’t really have that defining moment. Well, other than fumbling a snap in the playoffs or falling on his face in front of his girl friend counts.

  • Good luck to all of you who have T.O. on your fantasy squad. Do you think Romo is going to look for him now? Notice that Romo always looks for the blonde-headed Jason Witten first? Dude has a serious fetish.
  • Notice how the Cowboys have started to stumble, while the Chargers seem to just be regaining its stride? Norv is now the genius, while Wade Phillips is once again that playoff loser. But the truth is, both will probably be watching the Super Bowl at home this year.
  • Hey Willie Parker, Jack Youngblood played in the Super Bowl with a broke leg. Why don't you butch up a little bit and shake it off. (Seriously, don't send the email, I know.)
  • Still no word on the Georgia Frontandrearie death watch. But she is clearly circling the drain, seeing that there are no reports at all. The announcers on Thursday’s St. Louis FC vs. Steelers game will likely give glowing tributes to Georgia. Luckily, nobody will hear it because the game is on NFL Network.
  • The Giants will play at Buffalo this week, and leave it to the Giants to try to take ownership of the Kevin Everett story. The Jints picked up Domenik Hixon to be able to make Everett’s amazing comeback story all about them. (Hixon was the player Everett hit.) The Giants have done some douchey things in their history, but this might be the most disgusting.
  • While everybody got worked up by Bobby Petrino’s departure from the Falcons, nobody seems upset that Bill Parcells played Artie Blank like a fool – leveraging the Falcons gig for more money from the Dolphins. Pity poor Blank, who just can’t seem to catch a break. But this is fitting for Blank, as if it is payback for the millions of people who have gotten lost in Home Depot looking for a damn screw. Sorry, if you aren’t going to feel sorry for the numerous local merchants Home Depot has put out of work, then you shouldn’t have some sympathy for Blank. In fact, he probably hasn’t suffered enough.


AND FINALLY
There seems to be an awful lot of complaining about the endless amount of bowls. And if there is one thing The Hater Nation hates, it is people complaining.

What is wrong with having thirty two bowl games and 64 teams extending its season?

Take Navy, for instance. The graduation seniors are going into the service, so giving them one last chance to hang out in San Diego and play in one more game isn’t very meaningless to them. And really, half of the NFL schedule would be whipped out if you eliminated meaningless games. Watching Navy some bowl game is a lot more entertaining than watching Raven or the 49ers.

If you don’t want to see any of the bowl games, just pretend its on NFL Network and you won’t have to worry about it.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Clemens Was Juicing in Boston

And The Hater Nation (via With Lethur) has the proof.



But what we're really trying to get at here is that there is a new Last and Ten.

Monday, December 17, 2007

The Post Mortem

Your San Diego Chargers are the 2007 AFC West Champions.

Even that didn't seem possible despite playing in one of the worst conferences in the history of the NFL. The Chargers were absolutely miserable in the early part of the season, with the home loss to Kansas City being one of the defining moments of Norv Turner's early tenure in San Diego.

But now the Chargers have won four consecutive games and eight of their last ten. They are playing good football right now. Almost like a real football team. Are they good enough to beat New England? Why bother to answer that right now. The Chargers have gone through so many losing seasons, fans need to take enjoyment from their team doing well right now.

Because really, they won't suck me in.

Like last year. The Chargers had me convinced. And we remember how all of that ended.

Of course, firing Marty Schotteheimer following a 14-2 season only raises the expectation level. Although, take a look at recent history. The Steelers went 15-1, but lost to the Patriots in the playoffs that year. Pittsburgh struggled the following year, but ended up getting into the playoffs and eventually winning the Super Bowl. The Colts went 14-2 and lost in the playoffs (to the Steelers) that season. Indy struggled (sort of) to get back into the playoffs the following year, but ended up winning the Super Bowl.

Oh great, the Chargers are starting to sucker me in again. Well, not really. But hey, they won the division title and have won a ton of games over the past two seasons. There is no team in the AFC (outside of New England) that looks that impressive. The Chargers have already beaten the Colts. Jacksonville would have to come to San Diego. Cleveland wouldn't be able to stop the Chargers. Pittsburgh has been exposed. And when you get down to it, the Chargers don't have to be better than the Patriots, they just have to be better than the Patriots for 60 minutes.

Damn it, they are not getting me.

THE PATRIOTS WIN

Funny, watching the Patriots get all of the calls on replay and their fans tossing snow balls in the air was a lot of fun a few years ago. Fun, when it was coming against the Raiders and the St. Louis FC. But now, looking back at partying with Patriots fans following Super Bowl 36, you feel like the Americans who sided with Bin Laden during the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. It made sense at the time, and hell you made some money off of it. But now you just feel dirty.

And wasn't it ironic that it was the Jets who were done-in by a video replay on Sunday?

  • Is it wrong to root for hotter heads to prevail in NFL brawls? The Bucs and Falcons were getting into some great fights on Sunday. Just what do you suppose the Bucs were saying to Falcons players on the field during the game? That would have been a great game to have some players mike'd up.
  • When you heard that Ray Lewis broke his hand, was your immediate reaction, "how will he conceal murder weapons now?"
  • And incidentally, what's the over/under on the number of Dolphins and or Raven arrested in South Beach after Sunday's game? Even the French would be embarrassed by the way Raven folded. (Did you notice that it was two former Chargers Cleo Lemon and Greg Camarillo who led the Dolphins to the win? Figures.)
  • How many fantasy owners would like to bring a class action suit against Brian Westbrook for not running in that touchdown at the end of the Cowboys game on Sunday? Nice move, jerk.
  • Could Jessica Simpson be the new Yoko Ono of the Dallas Cowboys? (And please, no supportive emails saying that it wasn't Yoko's fault that the Beatles broke up. Yes, she just had to take the deal in St. Louis, the same way that Hitler just had to take Poland. Oh wait, got the Murdering Showgirl confused with the Murdering Ono.) The point is, don't hook up with broads during the football season. Tom Brady didn't start knocking up models and actresses until after he won a Super Bowl.
  • Lil' Hater sent in a note to say that all snow games should immediately be shown on local television. And that sounds good in theory, like a round of Jagermeister shots. Those games are fun for a few minutes until you end up getting an 8-0 snoozer. The only time those games pay off are when the Raiders get screwed.

AND FINALLY
Rich Rodriguez will be the new coach at Michigan. Titan Tim had the best reaction to this, namely, how does he think he is going to get guys like PacMan Jones and Chris Henry into Michigan? That can't happen.

Friday, December 14, 2007

The Weak Ender

The NBA doesn't get much run here in The Hater Nation -- and rightly so -- but news of Tony Parker's illicit affair with this model has raised interest. Not so much that Tony would find a reason to cheat on Eva Longoria. But rather, his explanation for why he's not cheating.

"Dude, it's so hard bearding with one chick, there is no way I would try this scam with another. I don't make that much money."

You really have to believe a guy when he says that, right? Just kidding. He said he was sleeping with her brother.

Credit to your typical smut peddlers, Sports by Brooks and With Lethur for following the story and finding photos that can actually be used here in on a family site such as THN.

I USED TO LOVE HER, BUT I HAD TO KILL HER
The strangest thing about Georgia Frontandrearie's hospitalization isn't that she is in Los Angeles and not St. Louis. Realize this was never about going back to her "home town." This was about making the most money. So she started a football franchise in St. Louis, but there was no way a society dame like here was going to live there.

No, the surprising thing is that her kids, under the assumption that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, haven't killed her yet. Or at least CR's son.

But knowing the female dog, she is going to cling to life until Thursday's NFL Network game so she can get a glowing send off. So, and this is hard to do, but THN asks that you pray for Georgia Frontandrearie to live through the season and the Super Bowl, hopefully passing away after the draft in April so it that obit will take its rightful place in the sport page under the water polo agate.

WHAT IS ALL THE FUSS?
How come people are still upset about Bobby Petrino? The players didn't like him, he wasn't very good at his job and he ended up doing the right thing. Arthur Blank could say that he has been betrayed, but isn't it better than having an unmotivated guy cashing a pay check for the next couple of years?

Compare that to what is going on in Miami. Cam Cameron probably won't have the decency to resign after the job he is doing. Would you rather be stuck with a college coach who is in over his head, or would you rather take a mulligan to start over? The Falcons are in a pretty good spot. They have a top draft pick. They can get a coach that knows what he is doing in the NFL. This seems like a perfect situation. All of this moral indignation is laughable.

  • The could be another first-year coach going back to college, as Raiders coach Lane Kiffin has shown interest in coaching at UCLA. Oh man, this has to happen. Not for poor UCLA. That would be a disaster. But for the Raiders to have to go through the humiliating exercise of being turned down by coach, after coach, after coach, after coach ... would just be too rich.
  • Herman Edwards also is a candidate at UCLA. That would be strange, Edwards running a running back's career before they even got into the NFL.
  • The Texans, it seems, could have saved a whole lot of money by just going with Sage Rosenfels to start the season. The guy has been really good for the Texans this season. And he didn't cost them anything. And what about Mario Williams? The Texans were much maligned for drafting him ahead of Reggie Bush and Vince Young. But the defensive end had an incredible coming-out part in front of 800 viewers on NFL Network.
  • The Patriots need to run up the score on Eric Mangini and the Jets. Not because of the whole video taping deal, or the tattle-tale stuff. But because that Razr commercial with Mangini makes absolutely no sens. Like, should we be buying Razr phones so we can throw them into cars, trees and ceiling fans? Does this make sense to anybody else?
  • Here is a look at some of the other great NFL games this weekend ... uh, alright moving on.
  • Actually, the Sunday night game with the Giants and Redskins looks pretty good. Except that the Redskins have already had their emotional win for Sean Taylor and now it's time to mail it in for the rest of the season.

AND FINALLY

The Mitchell Report sure had some interesting reading. But why is all of the focus on baseball? There are NFL players doing 80-pound curls with their ears, but it's Mo Vaughn who is abusing steroids. The NFL has a bunch of 280-pound dudes who run like 4.45 40s, but it's the baseball players who are using the junk. The NFL's ability to dismiss itself from any steroid talk is truly amazing. The league certainly had the right idea when it started testing for drugs back in the day.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Say You Are Sorry

There really isn't too much to add to the whole Mitchell Report, other than everybody in the world owes Jose Canseco a huge apology. Especially Major League Baseball.

And a quick note to the Bonds defenders -- this doesn't clear Barry Bonds of anything. The only thing is does is give him some company down at the soup kitchen.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Petrino's Dear John Letter

Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino left a letter to his former Falcons players in the wake of his resignation. Because really, just sending out a group email seems to impersonal. But some of the Falcons players, namely Lawyer Milloy, did not take kindly to it.



Oh snap, did you see what Milloy did there? He crossed out Bobby Petrino and put, "Coward." The old ball coach was just owned.

Hell's Population Expected to Rise

St. Louis Football Team owner Georgia Frontandrearie is in an LA hospital with an undisclosed illness. Please join The Hater Nation in sending only bad thoughts to Georgia as she looks directly into the light.

Talk about your Christmas miracles.

The story, however, won't mention which LA hospital she is in, in fears that certain members of The Hater Nation would either pull the plug, or pull a Chief Bromden at the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Stay tuned to THN for details on this impending joyous occasion.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Roddy White Hates Money

That is the only explanation as to why he would even bother to wear that shirt. (He also hates my fantasy team, but that's another story.) Because Roddy White is going to be fined a ton of money by the NFL. That is, if he isn't kidnapped late one night and never heard from again. White will probably wake up one morning with a pitbull's head next to him.

That's great that White and Joe Horn have Michael Vick's back, but where were these guys when the embattled quarterback really needed him? One of these guys should have stepped up and told Vick to shy away from the dog fighting. (Or at least go to the race-card and try to get out of this thing.) It is hard to believe that Vick's teammates were oblivious to the whole dog fighting thing and that -- at some level -- it didn't ring a bell that maybe this wasn't a good thing to do.

But Mike Vick instead goes to jail and all he got was that lousy T-shirt.

Yeah, I went there. BTW, when did Fuzzy Zoeller become the owner of the Falcons? No, you heard it right when Arthur Blank said that he hopes that Vick doesn't get fat on fried chicken. You can probably catch the video of that on Awful Announcing some time today.

But who was dumber ... Roddy White, Arthur Blank, or this moron?

Sunday, December 09, 2007

The Post Mortem

You know it's a big win when Bim Bim the Bastard emails you moments after the Chargers victory with the subject line, "The Hat." (That's because he correctly predicted a Chargers win and was never sweating it.)

And you have to give it to the Chargers, that was a real impressive win. In fact, that was the first time in club history that the Chargers have rallied from a 14-point deficit in the fourth quarter to win on the road. So yes, this was a big win.

But is this the kind of win that summons you to throw caution to the wind and proclaim that the Chargers are going to do something in the playoffs?

Well, let’s just enjoy this one. Be honest, it has taken only 14 weeks, but Norv Turner has finally got the Chargers to the same point they were at last year. Turner was hired to take the Chargers higher. So as the Wolf says, “Let’s not start sucking each other’s (expletives) just yet.”

However, you really have to be impressed with Philip Rivers. He looked like hell during this game, getting beaten on by Kyle Vanden Bosch for most of the day. That led Titan Tim to say this guy has regressed worse than Rick Mirer.

But he was money when it counted. Rivers was 11-for-17 for 127 yards and two touchdowns in the final two drives. The Titans were playing a zone, but Rivers still led the team down the field. He’s not Joe Montana or Dan Marino by any means, but you have to give him credit.

And what about LaDainian Tomlinson who, at one point, looked so disgusted at Rivers that he walked away from him when the QB took a seat next to him on the bench? Maybe it was LT's cold shoulder that sparked some life into Rivers who seems like he needs to take extra doses of Ritalin when he's out on the field.

  • The only bad news is that a source in Tennessee overheard Titans center Kevin Mawae say that Shawne Merriman is likely done for the season. Take that for what it's worth.

TAYLOR DIED FOR YOUR FREEDOM
The NFL is going to wear the No. 21 decals to honor Sean Taylor. Not that Taylor’s death isn’t a tragedy, but the NFL forced Jake Plummer to swallow his pride and not wear Tillman’s No. 40.

Hell, the NFL should still be wearing No. 40 stickers.

You have to wonder if the NFL isn’t using Taylor’s death to cover-up everything with Pac-Man Jones and Michael Vick who -- incidentally -- will be sentenced Monday. Is the NFL is riding Taylor’s corpse in the hopes that people forget that the Michael Vick thing is happening.

  • More players should make guarantees. That way, they will become so absolutely meaningless, that nobody will ever pay attention to them again. Although getting attention from a meaningless guarantee is better than the alternative, like crashing your motorcycle into somebody’s car like the quarterback did.
  • Do all of the camera (expletive) 1972 Dolphins show up when the current squad plays host to the currently undefeated Patriots? Like Nick Buoniconti is going to be sitting there, cheering on Cleo Lemon like there is no tomorrow.
  • The Patriots should invite members of the 1976 Buccaneers onto the sidelines for the showdown to counteract all of the old Dolphins. That would be cool.
  • The Patriots should invite members of the 1976 Buccaneers onto the sidelines for the showdown to counteract all of the old Dolphins.
  • Don’t look now, but it looks like Brian Billick has kissed his job goodbye in Baltimore. Raven looked like the football field was the last place that they wanted to be on Sunday night. Even the Philadelphia Quitters were offended by that performance.



AND FINALLY
The more you look at the schedule of games remaining, the most fortunate we are as a nation to not have NFL Network in our homes. Time Warner should run counter ads saying, “If we buckled to the NFL Network, you would have to watch Denver at Houston. Or worse, the Bengals at San Francisco on Saturday. Do you want to listen to Bryant Gumble for three hours?"

You would have to pay me to watch that game on Saturday.

Friday, December 07, 2007

The Weak Ender

This Patriots cheerleader looks cute (for a New England chick). The sun is shining and everything looks great. But, as it happens in New England, the weather turns cold and the chicks get bundled up like this during those late season games.

And in those games, throwing the football is tough. Nearly impossible. Meaning that the team that can run the ball effectively will end up winning in the playoffs when the weather turns nasty.

The Patriots are not one of those teams. Seems silly that a genius like Bill Belichick would build a team based around the passing game in an outdoor stadium like New England, when it won’t be nearly as effective.

Maybe the Patriots have not be running up the score to prove a point after Patriotsgate, but rather, to intimidate opponents and get people to believe that they are invincible. Possibly leading teams to give up before the playoffs even start. Nice try, Belichick, but the secret is out. Just like Randy Quaid crashed his plane into the alien ship in Independence Day, the secret is out on the Patriots. This team can’t run and won’t be nearly as effective as the weather turns cold.

Hopefully the Patriots can go undefeated in the regular season, because there is no way they will win the AFC. Actually, the only way they could win the AFC would be for the Colts to get home-field advantage so they can play the AFC Championship Game indoors.

  • Where is the Coors Light commercial where Bill Parcells compares somebody stealing your beer as a "Jap play?"
  • Congratulations on your win Washington, it was only a week too late. BTW, why did the league allow the Bears to wear the No. 21 patch for an extra week, when they wanted to fine Jake Plummer for wearing Pat Tillman’s No. 40? Probably for show for an NFL Network game, but those No. 21 helmets had better not be around on Sunday.
  • How come the sensitive police haven't tried to halt the release of Walk Hard, considering that the lead character slices his brother in half after playing "machete fight." Have some respect, Hollywood. That's just too soon.
  • Norv Turner again has been nominated as the NFL Coach of the Week, and luckily nobody is buying it. But if the Chargers want to prove something, they will win a game that they have no business winning, like this week at Tennessee. Don’t count on it, though.
  • The Birds battle the, uh, Birds for the NFC West. The Seahawks could actually win the division with a win over the Cardinals. Does anybody else get the feeling that Seattle is worse off with Shaun Alexander back?
  • The Bengals and St. Louis Football team entered 1999 as the losingest teams of the decade. After a few years at (St. Louis) or near (Cincinnati) the top, both teams blow again. The world just seems right that way.
  • God love Jon Kitna for having the chutzpa to call out the Cowboys before a big game. He realizes he plays for the Lions right? And Mike Martz is his coordinator? You never know, he’s be blitzed so often this year, he might think he’s in NFL Europe again.
  • Raiders fans with spikes coming out of cheeseheads will invade Green Bay this weekend. That poor Wisconsin town did nothing to deserve that. This is a big game for the Packers, meaning Brett Favre is looking to sacrifice another one of his relatives. Be careful opening those Christmas cards, Favre family. You don't know what Brett might have done of them.
  • The Dolphins are at Buffalo. There was a time these two teams were fighting to see who could lose in the Super Bowl.
  • Jeff Garcia has a playmate wife, just how anxious is he to get back on the field? Seriously, he's probably like, "Yeah, I'm good. The last guy you had out there lost his spleen. I'm just going to kick over here in the corner."
  • The Panthers and Jaguars meet this week, trying to prove once and for all who is the biggest underachiever.
  • The Eagles are going to put it together one week, and it seems that playing against Eli Messiah is the perfect opportunity. Yes, the Messiah did lead a rally against the Bears, but is anybody buying this? Do it against a varsity squad. Actually, how funny would it be for Tom Coughlin to just do enough to make it into the playoffs and save his job again?
  • Vikings running back Adrian Peterson and 49ers linebacker Patrick Willis are the likely NFL Rookies of the Year. But is that matchup worth it to actually watch that game?
  • The Broncos have received plenty of love for churning out running backs the way K-Fed pops out kids, but the Chiefs have done pretty well as Kolby Smith looks like a legitimate running back. Imagine if the Chiefs had a competent offensive line.
  • The Browns felt jobbed last week and have worked this week on actually landing inbounds. They probably won’t have to worry about that against the Jets.
  • Somebody call Cliff Clavin and Newman because Raven is getting ready for the biggest mail-in job of all time. Even bigger than this post.
  • If you need anymore evidence that the NFL is still pissed about Playmakers, the Saints battle the Falcons this week on Monday Night Football.


AND FINALLY
The Angels did not get Miguel Cabrera and that might be a good thing. Trading Howie Kendrick should have been an automatic deal-killer. Especially for a enigmatic third baseman with a weight problem, who would have led many Angels fans to believe that Bartolo Colon had moved to third base.

Quick prediction. The Marlins will win a World Series before the Tigers. They have too much talent down there. Joe Girardi will be kicking himself before too long.

Have a great Pearl Harbor Day, everybody. Go to a sushi joint tonight and run out on the bill.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Pro Football HOF Semi Finalists

The NFL released its list of semi-finalists for the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Prepare to be underwhelmed. Unlike baseball's Hall of Fame, where players have to actually earn enshrinement, the NFL must put in a minimum of four (maximum around seven) players each year. That means if the NFL stops existing, at one point in time, Trent Dilfer will eventually be added. The Redskins have four players in the semi-finals (Darrell Green, Russ Grimm, Joe Jacoby, and Art Monk). Do the Redskins get sympathy votes because of the whole Sean Taylor thing? Logic would say no. But would any of you feel surprised if Peter King were to write, "I wasn't going to put Art Monk into the Hall of Fame, but after consulting over a mocha latte, I decided that the Redskins family has been hurting enough, so I relented on Monk. I also put in Green, Grimm and Jacoby."

Seriously, that could happen.

Anyway, here is the list of candidates on who deserves to go, minimums be damned!

Disclaimer. We are going to go ahead and eliminate all offensive lineman from this list. NFL writers only like to include offensive linemen to make themselves look smarter. Kind of like that hipster doofus that knows all of the indy rock bands, just so he can look down on you when you've never heard of The Hold Steady. Too many offensive linemen float by on reputation for too long. Like the Cowboys Erik Williams who was always voted to the Pro Bowl long after he was effective.

  • Cris Carter:Quick, name something memorable about Carter, other than him showboating after a first down? And speaking of which, what is JC's policy on showboating, because I would tend to think that he would be against it. He put up good numbers, but he doesn't stand out as one of the best in his era. Playing alongside Randy Moss during the final years of his career showed just how average he is. Hall of Average.


  • Terrell Davis: Conversely, this guy was easily one of the best of his peers. This is what the Hall of Fame needs, more guys who dominated their peers, as opposed to guys who just put up average numbers for a really long time. The recent string of success from the Broncos running backs, however, do show that he might have been more of a system running back. But he was the missing link for the Broncos, who won two Super Bowls behind him. He's in.


  • Fred Dean: A good player and one of the keys to the 49ers defense in the early years of their dynasty. But all defensive ends of this era will by judged by if they starred in their own TV show opposite Stepfanie Kramer. And sadly, Dean did not.


  • Richard Dent: The one thing that will hold him back is that he had one of the worst raps of the Super Bowl Shuffle. Dent had a really good career, and was one of the key components of one of the best defenses in NFL history. Forced to pick point blank, the answer is no.


  • Randy Gradishar: He was the best defensive player on the Orange Crush. But if you let him in, Chris Berman is going to cry until Tom Jackson gets in, so the answer is no.


  • Darrell Green: He played a long time, and he was fast. Which is cool if you are running track. But he was one of the best cornerbacks of his era. He's in.


  • Kevin Greene: No discussion here, he's in. Just kidding. Had some great years with the Rams, but come on. How would you justify this?


  • Ray Guy: People know he was a punter, right? Moving on.


  • Charles Haley: Has anybody won more Super Bowl titles than this guy? The 49ers had offers from the Cowboys and Vikings for Haley in 1992, and George Seifert didn't want to trade him to Minnesota because he was afraid he would be the final piece for the Vikings. Turns out he was the final piece of the puzzle for the Cowboys who went on to win four Super Bowls in three years. In.


  • Lester Hayes: The Barry Bonds of his era, in that his cheating wasn't banned until later in his career. A good, maybe great corner, but do you want to have Michael Haynes and Hayes in the Hall? No.


  • Rickey Jackson: Was one of the best players in Saints history. That's enough, no.


  • Cortez Kennedy: Man, you could never miss a Seahawks game because you just had to see what Kennedy was going to do. Man, could you imagine if somebody actually ever said that? No.


  • Art Monk: Come on. He should be Tim Brown's presenter in the Hall of Average.


  • Andre Reed: You have to view the Bills offensive numbers the same way that you would view a hitter in Colorado. Inflated numbers that makes them seem better than they are. Do you really want to put all of those Bills in the Hall? No.


  • Ken Stabler: He might not be in it, but his liver should be. As a former Saints quarterback, he didn't father any annoying kids. Still, a good quarterback, but not Hall of Fame.


  • Paul Tagliabue: Ha, ha, ha, ha.


  • Steve Tasker: Seriously, if this guy gets in, this proves that the best way to get into the Hall of Fame is to go into broadcasting. This is a joke.


  • Derrick Thomas: If the already generous NFL writers haven't put him in yet, what's different now?


  • Andre Tippett: You, too. There's nothing wrong with being a local legend.


  • George Young: Yeah, right. Would he even be up for consideration if he wasn't a member of the Giants organization? No.


So there you have it, Terrell Davis, Darrell Green and Charles Haley. That's a pretty solid class.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Sit Back and Enjoy It

Bob Knight once said of losing, "If rape is inevitable, why not sit back and enjoy it?" Raven probably feels like it has been fisted after Monday night. There are two ways that you can look at this.

First, you can moan about the officiating. The Patriots were the beneficiary of some favorable calls, no doubt. Ironic, seeing that New England became a power by water skiing opposing receivers. But on the other hand, the officials didn't throw that interception or fumble an interception return. So while it's fun to lay the blame on the officials, there is so much Raven could have done to win the game so they might as well blame themselves. Sorry Raven, that one is on you.

Although, we are getting dangerously close to having a player maim an official on the field. And it's hard to tell if that would be a good thing or a bad thing.

Still, this was a great game. If for nothing else, because it made me care. And to be honest, it has been hard to care about regular season NFL games in recent years. But there was hooting and screaming like it was a Super Bowl in the Cowboys vs. Packers game, and Monday's night -- mostly from impartial observers. The best thing for the NFL would be to have the Cowboys and the Patriots in the Super Bowl. (Bain had better reconsider if that happens.) And if the NFL has to fix games in favor of the Patriots, then so be it.

Monday, December 03, 2007

The Post Mortem

Don't know about anybody else, but this had to be one of the most boring, mundane weeks in recent memory. Maybe it was all of the hoopla surrounding the BCS, or maybe it was having the Cowboys vs. Packers on Thursday night, but Sunday just didn't seem special at all.

The NFL was totally overshadowed by Hawaii's stunning come-from-behind win over Washington on Saturday night. Because of that, there is a guest column over at the FanHouse, meaning that the Post Mortem is going to be a little abbreviated today.

That and because the Raiders won their second consecutive game (against the AFC West, mind you) and Eli Messiah actually led his mediocre football team past another mediocre football team.

HAIL TO THE DEAD, SKIN
That was some glowing tribute the Redskins gave for their fallen teammate, losing to the Bills. Wow, that was moving.

The Redskins put only 10 players on the field on their first defensive play of the game (a strategy Norv used during his term in Washington). And the Bills paid tribute to Taylor by running right to the open spot for 25 yards. Good for the Bills. There were some who felt that the Bills should have taken a knee on the play, but why should they? The Bills had one of their players paralyzed this year, and they didn't extend a tribute by only putting 10 people out on the kickoff team.

Wear a decal, put his number in the end zone, but don't expect the other team to lay down for you.

NORV BEATS THE CHIEFS
Hard to believe that Norv Turner was actually 0-7 in his career against the Chiefs. Oh wait, that's not hard to imagine at all. But Turner finally rectified one of his worst coaching jobs of the season by going almost exclusively to LaDainian Tomlinson in the second half of a 24-14 win at Arrowhead.

The Chiefs might be one of the worst teams in the NFL. Winning four games seems like a miracle for this team. Damon Huard and Kolby Smith? The Chiefs have a roster as foreign as your typical NFL Europe squad. Jared Allen should be the MVP of the league for leading this team to four wins.

  • Raiders rookie JaMarcus Russell probably shouldn't be asking Sebastian Janikowski for directions to the commissary.
  • The NFL season has seemed empty without the "Fire Millen" stuff. But that should be making a comeback this week.
  • A.J. Feeley has been as generous as Santa Claus in the past two games. And you know how Philadelphia fans feel about Santa Claus.
  • Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers for participating in the two worst consecutive prime time games in NFL history.
  • Some are suggestion that the Browns got hosed on a call where Kellen Winslow appeared to be pushed out of bounds on what would have been the winning touchdown against Arizona on Sunday. But you have to earn it on the last play of the game, not rely on the referees. But the NFL should adopt the college rule and get rid of any interpretation of the rules. Because unless it's Eddie Guns, the interpretation is probably wrong.
  • If the playoffs started today, the Kurt Warner Machine and the Cardinals would be the No. 6 seed in the NFC, playing the Seahawks. Not bad.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

BCS Declares LSU Champs

A spokesman for the Bowl Championship Series presented LSU coach Two-Loss Miles the BCS coaches trophy on Sunday afternoon.

"Winning or losing does not matter. What does matter is who we think is the best team in the country, and that's LSU," said BCS PR rep Brian Gooberson. "We are giving both Ohio State and LSU the option on if they want to play. I hope they do, because it would be fun to see. But the outcome will have no bearing on the championship at all."

Miles gladly claimed the trophy and said, "Hey, we earned it. Well, not really, but I'll still take it. This will allow me to get more money from Michigan."

Jerks. All kidding aside, everyone says LSU should be in the championship game on the basis of their tough schedule. Um, has anyone actually looked at their schedule this year?

It sucked ass.

Its five road games (one less road game than most of the other deserving BCS teams this year) included joke games against a still underwater Tulane, a 6-6 Alabama team, and two schools from Mississippi that may or may not exist. Their hardest road game was No. 17 Kentucky.

They lost that one.

Their biggest home win was Virginia Tech, in Week 2, when half of the Hokies team was still under suspicion of mass murder. Since when in college football does a win in Sept. 8 entitle you a free pass to the title game?

LSU didn’t beat any team ranked higher than No. 9. And the two times they were handed the No. 1 spot for no good reason, and all the country’s attention was on them, they immediately choked it away. Yeah, that's a great resume.

Though to give LSU some credit, their schedule wasn’t as soft as Ohio State ’s, whose biggest win was against the No. 23 team. Jesus, they might as well put the championship game on the NFL Network - no one is going to watch that snoozer.

(And Georgia, with four whole road games this year, has no business playing for the championship, either. Appalachian State would be favored against you.)

Hawaii, which ran the table, has an offense that’s puts up points, and actually showed some cojones by coming back and winning all their pressure-filled games at the end of the season, has a better resume than all these clown teams.

Oh yeah. Another school on the West Coast played six road games, including four against ranked teams, and two teams in the top seven. One of their losses came on the road against the country's then No. 5 team, when their starting QB was out injured.

They ended the season strong, won the hardest conference in the country, and two weeks ago snot-kicked the No. 7 team - on the road - by 20 points. They’d be favored by a touchdown over any other team in the BCS.

What’s that team again? I forget.