Friday, November 30, 2007

The Weak Ender

This chick really loves dudes who play periphery sports. This Dancing with the Stars vixen was allegedly hooking up speed-skater Apollo Ono last season. Now Formula One driver Helio Castroneves has broken off his engagement to be with this 19-year-old beauty. Hey, if that's the case, Formula One is going to be great next year with Ashley Judd running around in a wet T-shirt and this chick. Not bad. Manica Patrick, however, can't be too please about this.

Only one word of advice for Helio, be careful if some water polo player shows up on next season's show. Or Matt Leinart.

BTW, the plan here was to lean on Diane, but here is an observation of Dancing with the Stars after catching about 30 minutes of the final. Namely, how are all of these partners not doing it? Other than Marie Osmond who seems to really enjoy the company of her brother, and Mark Cuban who acts like he would prefer a male partner. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Seriously you ask these dudes to spend eight hours a day dancing with beautiful women and you expect nothing to happen?

Let's move on to the real sports.

Anybody else feel that the Packers were better off when Brett Favre went down? He clearly hasn’t gotten over the yips of playing in Texas Stadium. Aaron Rodgers looked like a seasoned veteran leading the Packers back, but Favre looked like a rookie out there. That kind of puts a damper on a potential NFC Championship match.

The Packers still look like one of two top teams in the NFC, despite the loss. Maybe the Buccaneers or Seahawks could emerge as a darkhorse contender for the NFC, but both teams have some pretty big flaws.

  • BTW, how stoked were bars carrying the NFL Network last night? The Shore House is typically as stoic as Bud Grant's living room during NFL games. But last night's crowd was somewhat electric. Maybe the NFL is on to something forcing people out of their homes to go watch a game.

How is it that the WWF gets so much grief when they have performers die early. Yet the NFL has two players gunned down in less than a year, and nobody is making that big of a deal out of it.

Sure, you have some of the insincere “This puts it all in perspective” nonsense that you normally get, but the show still goes on. The NFL spends time and money supporting causes like breast cancer (which is worthwhile), but nobody seems to be too worried about players dieing in the streets or even in their own home.

The league has so many sponsorship initiatives, too bad none of them are designed to help its players succeed in life. The NFL doesn’t seem too different from the WWF in terms of treating its performers like circus animals.

  • A moment of silence and a No. 21 decal for Taylor? That seemed a bit much. This was similar to the tribute that the NFL gave to Pat Tillman. The whole thing just seemed wrong. The tribute for Taylor seemed a little forced.
  • Rex Grossman and Eli Messiah will face each other this week, each probably wishing they were the other guy. The Messiah probably wishes he didn’t have such an overbearing dill-hole of a father. Eli seems a lot like Emilo Estevez’s character in the Breakfast Club, wishing for an injury. Rex, on the other hand, probably wishes his last name was Manning so he would be given the benefit of the doubt at every turn. Is there any way this game could end in a tie?
  • The Chargers will be at Kansas City this week, trying to avenge one of the worst losses of the season. Host San Diego lost to the Chiefs in Week 4 when Norv Turner ignored LT in the second half, with the Charges holding a 10-point lead. Look for the Chargers to give the ball to LT about 50 times, in a classic Turner overreaction move. Kind of like he would do with Stephen Davis in Washington.
  • A fan this week suggested that the Chargers would be 6-5 with any coach in the NFL. And after watching Bill Belichick, you can’t agree with that. But to give the reader the benefit of the doubt, let’s again go with your basic NFL coach. The Chargers should be no worse than 7-4 right now, as the first game against Kansas City should have never happened. The Chargers also should have won one of the Packers and Vikings games (probably both), but that would push them up to 8-3. And really, what coach couldn’t have motivated this team to beat New England? Still, that’s a stretch, so we’ll rest at 8-3, where the Chargers should be right now. Not that it matters now anyway.
  • Sure, Denver can’t stop anybody running the ball, but is there a bigger mismatch this week between Mike Shanahan and Coach Lunch Money? Shanny could probably bring Boise State to Oakland and find a way to win.
  • Can’t wait for that thrilling Matt Moore vs. Trent Dilfer matchup as the Panthers play host to the 49ers. Good news for Moore, he doesn’t have to do much to become the best former Oregon quarterback since Dan Fouts.

Loss Miles continues to lose his mind. The embattled LSU coach claimed that the Tigers have not lost in regulation this season. And he’s right. Two losses to Kentucky and Arkansas have come in overtime.

At the same time, LSU hasn’t been able to put away two SEC curtain-jerkers in regulation. And that just seems worse.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Del Taco: Where Business Gets Done

With Torii Hunter on the verge of signing a $90M deal, you would figure he would pick a restaurant a little bit better than Del Taco. But that's where the Angels negotiated the deal, at the Del Taco off Serfas Club Drive in Corona, right near where yours truly grew up. (Actually, it was a Naugles back then.) And it was Angels G.M. Tony Reagins who picked the spot. Smart, too, considering that Del Taco is an Angels' sponsor.

If Reagins really needed to impress Hunter, he would have picked the Del Taco in Barstow, which is hands down the best DT in the world. Reagins also could have picked Miguel's Jr., which is right down the road but he knew that he would have run the risk is running into one of the DiPaolo or Hetland brothers. And that might have ruined the whole deal.

Rivers' Meltdown is Coming

Lost in the glow of Philip Rivers' three-touchdown performance against Raven comes a report that the Chargers quarterback told fans to "shut up" after they voiced their displeasure with the team's performance.

This is how it starts. First, you tell some of the fans to shut up. Then you are going to start flipping the bird to fans. The next step is to either tell a reporter to "knock it off," start a dog-fighting ring, or crash your Honda Element into another driver then retire abruptly to play professional handball.

Has anybody noticed that Rivers hasn't quite displayed the composure that you would want from your starting quarterback? And he sure isn't going to be controlled by his coach. No, this is going to have a very bad ending for the Chargers, unless the coach they hire at the end of the season knows what the hell he is doing.

But you can't trust the Chargers to do that.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Ricky Williams

Greetings, it's your old pal McLean Stevenson here, the king of career choices. Being the king allows me to make fun of other people who are making bigger mistakes than I ever did. This is the part where I would link back to my own personal blog, but I don't update it because I have a life. Just kidding. It's because I'm dead, people. How do you still now get this?

But anyway, I was kicking around the old Match Game set here in Heaven, when I ran into Kevin DuBrow (hair still looks great) in the commissary. Damn that guy can still belt out “Bang Your Head.” All the meth heads who died in the 1980s on the Sunset Strip, including River Phoenix, have been hounding this guy all day. Like he just got here, leave him alone. But anyway, Kevin told me that Ricky Williams was making a comeback today on Monday Night Football.

I tuned in during the second quarter and the Williams' comeback was already over. Even Priest Holmes thought that was fast. Was Ricky concerned that there were a few people left on the planet Earth who didn’t think of him as a burnout with no heart? Because he has them all convinced now. He can’t be making enough money to justify this. Ricky should tried out for the Surreal Life because at least they don’t hurt people there. Unless, of course, he was asked to shack up with Danny Bonaduce or something.

Bad move, thumbs down.

The Post Mortem

There are some people who prefer the NFL’s overtime rules to college's rules. Just like there are people who prefer seeded grapes. And in either case, you just don’t want to know those people.

Mike Shanahan is probably not in favor of the NFL's current setup, and who can blame him?

The Broncos have lost two overtime games this season and have not had an offensive possession in either game. And this doesn’t seem goofy to anybody. You could argue that the onus is on the defense to make a stand. Maybe you think the college rules turn overtime into an extended version of the Arena League. Or you may fancy that the college overtime ruins the integrity of the game by given each team an equal chance to score.

So what is the right answer?

Perhaps the best solution is to just call the whole thing a draw. You get 60 minutes to win the game, if not, that’s it. You move on, game over.

But personally, spending an extra 30 minutes or so watching two teams battle from the 25-yard line doesn’t seem like a bad way to spend a Saturday or Sunday. Maybe people opposed to the college overtime rules would rather be watching DVDs or the Gilmore Girls or Charmed.

Having the game decided on an admittedly smaller field seems better than trusting it to a coin flip. (For the record, seven of the 10 teams that have won the coin flip in overtime went on to win the game.)

  • True story: Britt and Garrett Reid along with Stephen Belichick were not allowed on the sidelines Sunday night because of rules forbidding felons from congregating near each other. Evidentially 53 1/3-yards isn’t enough space.
  • Is anybody surprised that the Eagles were playing in a big game and Donovan McNabb was nowhere near it? The only reason the Eagles were in that game is because McNabb was not playing.
  • Eli Messiah is spokesman for watches. Who were the ad wizards who came up with this idea? Eli Messiah – as boring as looking at a watch.
  • Congratulations to the Oakland Raiders who just ended a 17-game losing streak against the worst division in the NFL.
  • Oops, the NFC West just took offense, citing that they truly are the worst division in the NFL. And while were here, don’t go blaming that loss on the Kurt Warner Machine. As stated here in the past, the first clutch kick made by Neil Rackers will be the first. He’s lucky he didn’t ruin Team THN’s fantasy week.
  • From Matt P: Kurt Warner is not a machine, he’s a man. It’s like Rocky IV. The Russian’s cut, the Russian’s cut …
  • Maybe you can also blame Cardinals receiver Sean Morey who was caught from behind by the 49ers middle linebacker, Patrick Willis.
  • The Chargers were highly motivated to beat Raven on Sunday in hopes that Baltimore will fire coach Brian Billick and he’ll end up in San Diego. But it’s starting to look like the quest for the NFL’s first 7-9 division winner is in danger. But here’s what is going to happen. The Chargers win the AFC West, and play host to Cleveland in the first-round of the playoffs and lose by about 40.
  • Anybody else concerned that now that Bill Callahan is free, he could end up replacing Norv Turner in San Diego? You laugh, but did you think that Turner would ever get another NFL head coaching job?
  • Fred Taylor has been running great, but you have to remember, he has the groin of a six-year old.

Ohio State fans are still holding out hope for a BCS championship game bid, but a 40-point loss to USC in the Rose Bowl is looming. And did anybody else notice that LSU dropped only a handful of spots after a home loss to an unranked team? Too bad the Trojans can’t get a chance to whoop on that team, too. Instead they will have to wait until Loss Miles has the Michigan Wolverines limping into a Rose Bowl.

Honestly, the best possible game for this season would have been for Oregon (with a healthy Dennis Dixon) to take on West Virginia. But Missouri will have to do.

  • There are some people who do not like college football because they don't have a true playoff system. And those people are dopes. Imagine if the LSU vs. Arkansas game was an NFL game for a moment. The Tigers, already securing a win in the conference title game, would have benched all of its starters and the Razorbacks would have won by 50 points. That would have been mighty compelling, right? Maybe it's time that some people embrace both college and the NFL celebrating the differences and just enjoying the games.
  • Please UCLA, keep Karl Dorrell. Until you want to pay big-time money for a big-time coach, you deserve to underachieve every year. But if you are going to fire Dorrell to bring in some other scrub, just stop. And for some reason, I see Chris Peterson being content at Boise State. The Broncos are ranked higher than the Bruins ... why would he want to take a step down?
  • Hawaii deserves to be in a BCS bowl and just think, back-to-back years with a WAC team bringing in a huge payday. But Hawaii might not be so lucky to face such a horrible bowl coach like Bob Stoopes. Of course, the Rainbow Warriors still need to beat Washington, which they should be able to do.
  • Some great firings over the weekend. Hey Nebraska, Art Shell is still available if you are so inclined. Norv Turner should be, too.

If you missed the player introductions during the Colorado vs. Nebraska game, you missed one of the best.

Thanks to Awful Announcing.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Thank you, FOX

Your incessant shoving of the New York Giants down our throats was finally worthwhile as Eli Messiah showed his true Manning-colors with four interceptions, including three returned for a touchdown. The Messiah is only the third person since the AFL-NFL merger in 1970 to have three interceptions returned for a touchdown. Oh well, at least he is throwing touchdowns to somebody.

I propose that an investigation should be launched to make sure that Eli isn’t the crippled Manning brother. Look at that expression on his face. Either he was raised on a steady diet of paint chips, or he was playing football against his brothers without a helmet.

Friday, November 23, 2007

The Weak Mortem

What are you doing at your computer when you should out shopping? This is kind of a weird week, with a good number or weekend games completed by Friday. But here's a quick look at some of the top stories why your smartly do all of your shopping online, instead of trying to brave the stores.

Who are the biggest University of Oregon Ducks fans right now? The Ohio State University.

But to be fair, they probably will be rooting strongly for UCLA, too, anybody to make sure that USC does go to the Rose Bowl. Buckeyes coach Jim Tressel will likely vote USC No. 1 in hopes that maybe the Trojans can sneak into the BCS title game -- where they deserve to be. Despite all of the best efforts, the Trojans will lkely end up in the Rose Bowl and defeat the Buckeyes by about 50 points.

Arizona State is a pretty good team, but they are going to need another year or two before they are really ready to challenge for the Pac-10 title. Still, you have to credit Dennis Erickson and what he has been able to do in the desert this season. Look for the Devils to smack Arizona and then go on to win the Sun Bowl. Probably not what the crowd at Sun Devil Stadium was expecting Thursday morning, but pretty good compared to what many expected this year.

Of course, the biggest joke will be if Ohio State makes the BCS title game. If you don't play a meaningful game after the third week in November, you don't deserve to play for a national championship. Then again, does the Big Ten ever play a meaningful game? This is your fault, Miami. Because if you hadn't choked, all of the Big Ten myopians wouldn't be able to point to their one fluke national championship. Now if LSU loses (not bloodly likely), that will only give hope to OSU.

  • The winner of the Hawaii - Boise State game should be ushered into the BCS championship game. Especially if Hawaii wins. Because honestly, even the most ardent of Big Ten fans would have to admit that the Big Ten is one equal footing with the WAC. Or at least, if they aren't as good as the WAC, they are close.
  • The Cowboys and Packers both won on Thursday setting up this week's Game of the Century. Hope you enjoy not seeing it on NFL Network.
  • Hard to believe but the Chargers and Raven were the top two seeds in the AFC last season. That being said, the Chargers would be better off with Brian Billick as its coach instead of Norv Turner.
  • Now, many of you would believe that the Chargers will still win the West. But consider that Javon Walker is coming back for the Broncos. Jay Cutler has been looking much better. The Broncos should still be considered the favorite here. Even with that whole "unable to stop the run thing." The Broncos defense has been playing much better, leading your to believe that maybe the Broncos are starting to get Jim Bates' schemes.

Torii Hunter to the Angels? Nothing like getting that text (thanks to Matt P.) while waiting for the Fremont Street Experience's light show. But that's how it went down. And while the move seems strange with Gary Matthews Jr. still in the fold, you have to figure (like most Angels fans) that the Angels are going to be making a big move during the winter meetings. Only, don't trade Howie Hendrick.

Steve Henson gave his take of the deal, saying that despite signing Hunter, the Angels are still a rung below Boston (sure), Cleveland (sure) and the Yankees. Uh, the same Yankees that the Angels have beaten twice in the playoffs? The same Yankees who have done nothing to improve their team, other than signing their already aging stars? Uh, no. That's just wrong.

Alright, go enjoy the holiday.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Saban's Pep Talk

Nick Saban uses history to motivate his team against Auburn this weekend.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Marshall is right

They call Brandon Marshall "T.O. Jr." (or something along those lines) because he's a big, physical receiver who can take over a game. Or that's what they would want you to believe. Marshall also can shoot off his mouth with the best of them, too. Here's what he had to say after the win on Monday night.

"This is our division," Marshall said. "It's always been our division. It's time for us to take it back. San Diego, Kansas City, they don't have the talent like us in the locker room. They have star players but can't get it done like us."

Sure the Chargers pounded the Broncos, 41-3, but Marshall has a point. Who do you think will win the division if the teams played right now? Still, the world is waiting for that one player to just finally come out and say the obvious: "(The Broncos) are going to win the division because Norv Turner is not our coach."

Because, if you read between the lines, that's pretty much what Marshall is getting at. And it's hard to disagree with him.

Monday, November 19, 2007

The cure for San Diego

The Post Mortem

The Chargers win!

A challenge, that is. You didn’t think they were actually going to win a game, did you? Don't be silly. The Chargers had no prayer in this one. The Jaguars are a well-coached football team. Well, they have a coach anyway. Add a 10 a.m. start and a loss a near certainty.

Hell, you could probably reason that the club overachieved by losing by only seven points. So you have to take the small victories where you can get them and remember where you were when Norv Turner actually got a challenge correct.

You get the idea that this is what A.J. Smith had in mind when the hired Norv, right?

Nobody is going to dispute that the Patriots are the best team in the NFL right now. But is the AFC still the top conference? Sunday’s performances by the AFC were hardly convincing.

The Colts, while battling numerous injuries, looked pathetic against the miserable Chiefs. But Gomer still has weapons like Reggie Wayne, Joseph Addai and Dallas Clark, so they shouldn't have looked that bad.

The Steelers lost to the Jets. And this was the team that was supposed to have a chance against the Patriots? They couldn't even beat Mini-Belichick.

The Chargers are pathetic. People like to pin the 49ers woes on the departure of Turner, but San Francisco ranked near the bottom in passing last season. Has Norv ever helped any quarterback? Good Lord, just how good was Troy Aikman?

The Jaguars might be alright, but you don’t expect David Garrard to win a shootout with Tom Brady do you? They might have a chance.

If you had to pick the second best team in the AFC right now, it would be the Cleveland Browns. That's not a slight on the Browns, but did you think at the beginning of the year that this was going to be the surprise team of the NFL?

The NFC has teams 2a and 2b in a best of the NFL contest with the Packers and Cowboys, with Green Bay probably getting a slight edge because of their defense. A defense that would be a much bigger story this year if Brett Favre was not tearing up the league.

The Cowboys and Packers give hope of a competitive Super Bowl, with the two best teams actually meeting up in the big game. You would be hard pressed to remember the last time that happened in the NFL. The only downside is that you have to wade through the muck of the regular season waiting for the inevitable. Outside of the looming Cowboys vs. Packers game (that you won't see), is there one other game you are waiting to see?

  • If you heard that an NFL team had already walked off the field thinking they had won, only to find out that a missed field-goal call was botched by the referees, forcing both teams back on the field to start overtime. Then the team that originally thought they won eventually lost in overtime. You would think that the losing team was the Raiders, right? But it wasn't. Instead, the Raiders folded like just some ordinary team. The Raiders are so bad, they aren’t even sucking as good as some of the other teams in the NFL. The Ravens and Bengals have become much more pathetic. So let’s hope that the Raiders can get their act together and lose more horrifically next week because the bar has been raised.
  • Have the Patriots ever lost a challenge?
  • The Bills showed an emotional video from Kevin Everett prior to their game against the Patriots. You know Bill Belichick likely felt disrespected that the Bills would do such a thing, and is probably why they kept throwing while after the game was put away. In the first quarter.
  • You know that Randy Moss’s four touchdowns were nothing more than an “F-U” to Terrell Owens and the Cowboys. The Patriots are probably feeling disrespected that the media is still fawning over the Dallas Cowboys.
  • There is no stopping the Kurt Warner Machine. The dude is so good, he even completed a pass with his bum left arm against the Bengals.
  • Can somebody explain why Bobby Petrino benched Joey Harrington prior to Sunday’s game against the Buccaneers? Oh that’s right, Harrington blew the Falcons bid for the first pick of the draft by winning his past two starts. Luckily, Byron Leftwich got them back on track.
  • Michael Strahan had the overreaction of the year when Jon Kitna correctly pointed out that the Lions gave the game. In particular Kitna, who had a pair of game-killing interceptions in the fourth quarter. But said Strahan, "I honestly thought in the first half that was one of the worst teams we played that was 6-3. I don't quite understand why Jon would say that. Maybe we'll see them down the road and if that's the case, we'll beat that a-- again." Sounds like a little Freudian slip at the end.
  • Strahan saying that the Lions were the worst 6-3 team he has ever seen proves that the guy doesn’t watch tape of his own team.
  • Gomer and Tony Dungy might have sucked the clutch out of Adam Vinatieri, but not enough to miss that chip-shot game-winner.
  • Seriously, Shawne Merriman needs to buy some more tainted supplements because he was abused by Maurice Jones-Drew who delivered a block that allowed Garrard to throw the eventual game-winning touchdown pass. Seriously Shawne, rent The Program. Time to step up.
  • Union Bank of California is giving out an autographed Philip Rivers jersey for those who open a new checking account. Be careful, because they will probably lose your money.

Great job there, Alabama. Be sure to send a card to Lloyd Carr and Michigan because your loss to one of the directional Louisiana schools would be the worst in the NCAA if it not for the Wolverines. Sure, you can point to Stanford over USC, but at least the Cardinal are in the Pac-10. The Crimson Tide geared up for the Iron Bowl with one of the most lackluster performances of the college football season.

  • Good luck, Kansas, you are going to need it.
  • Everybody seems shocked at what one quarterback can do to a college football program, like Dennis Dixon at Oregon, or Sam Bradford at Oklahoma. One indignant radio commentator said that shows that college football is a joke, that one knee injury to Dixon could ruin the Ducks’ title hopes. Because yeah, the Patriots would win the Super Bowl if Brady was lost for the year. Of course, the Colts would have won the Super Bowl last year without Gomer, probably by a larger margin if Jim Sorgi was in there.

Thankfully the Boston Cell (female dog) have finally lost a game, proving that Boston is mortal after all. But have you ever noticed that Boston fans are oblivious to sports outside of Beantown? That explains why they don’t follow college football or basketball. But you can probably bet that a large percentage of Boston fans probably believe that Kevin Garnett is a rookie. Or that Randy Moss is some retread from the Arena League. And if you polled fans at Fenway Park, at least 95 percent of them would have no idea that David Ortiz once played for the Minnesota Twins.

So thankfully, the Cell (female dogs) lost so that the collective Boston sports fans can go back to ignoring them again.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Friday, November 16, 2007

The Weak Ender

The Brodie Croyle era has started in Kansas City. Or more importantly, the Kelli Croyle era has started, pushing the young signal caller into the forefront of the hot wife category of the NFL. Many of you might remember Kelli if you watched any of HBO's Hard Knocks. Now you can see why Herm Edwards was so hot to give Croyle the starting job this summer. The Chiefs aren't going to win many games, but this will give people a reason to watch the games now because they are horrible.

The Dolphins are also going to start rookie John Beck, looking to give the 1976 Buccaneers a real run for their money. That's fitting seeing that the 1972 Dolphins are on the verge of losing their spot in history. Maybe Don Shula can join with Cleo Lemon, Trent Green and Jason Taylor each year to open a bottle of champagne when the last winless team finally crosses over. Or maybe, with Ricky Williams now in the fold, they can take bong rips each year to commemorate the event.

Lakers coach Phil Jackson caught a lot of heat this week when he said that "“We call this a ‘Brokeback Mountain’ game, because there’s so much penetration and kickouts.” The opposite, of course, would be a Cinemax game where you can't see any penetration. But people got upset over the joke and Jackson had to apologize for it and generally seemed sorry.

That was the wrong move.

Jackson should not have apologized and instead should have taken a large sum to speak at Tony Dungy's church. Then he could have written a book about it and made millions.

  • The Chargers will play at Jacksonville this week, in what should be a playoff preview. San Diego will end up winning the AFC West -- almost by default -- and will end up hosting a team like Jacksonville who will come to town and beat the Chargers by 40 points. If Jags coach Jack Del Rio is smart, he'll play this thing like a preseason game and keep his play book vanilla to not tip their hands to the Chargers. But that would assume that Norv and Co. would actually be able to use that knowledge. The Jaguars could hand over a copy of their playbook to the Chargers and Norv would still be on the sidelines with that bewildered look on his face.
  • Browns quarterback Derek Anderson will likely pass for 500 yards against his former team, the Baltimore Ravens, this week. Yep, Brian Billick is some offensive genius, letting Anderson go but hanging on to Kyle Boller.
  • You just can't get rid of Rex Grossman. The NFL just seems like a better place with him at quarterback.
  • The 49ers play the St. Louis Football Team in one of the most important games of the season. The 49ers could very well end up with the first pick in the draft. Only, the Patriots own that pick. So New England could go 16-0 and end up with the first pick. But no matter where that pick lands, the Patriots will likely trade down and pick up two potential Pro Bowl players, while some struggling franchise squanders it on some quarterback who will struggle for the next four years.

Add the Wilcats, along with UCLA, as one of those useless Pac-10 teams that serve no purpose other than to ruin somebody else's season. Funny, when Tedy Bruschi was on the line during last night's game, how come Chris Fowler didn't ask him what it was like being on one of the most underachieving teams in Pac-10 history? Or what it's like to be the only school in the Pac-10 to never reach the Rose Bowl? Thanks jerks. Actually, Desert Storm was one of the most overrated teams in college football history. The truth is that the University of Arizona is nothing more than BYU in the sand. Have you ever wondered why there are so many blondes at that school?

But that game was over the moment Dennis Dixon went down. You could feel the energy leave the Ducks sideline, even sitting in your own living room. These Ducks players might be too young to remember the failure of Ryan Leaf, but they know that his brother sucks. The Ducks were moving up and down the field at will and would have likely won that game by 40 points. That's football, however, and that means that no Pac-10 team will be in the BCS title game, short of a miracle.

For those of you who hate baseball, thank you for stopping by, we'll see you on Sunday night for the Post Mortem.

Alex Rodriguez has to tuck tail and walk back to the Yankees. Watch, Scott Boras will likely chide owners with talk of collusion. (And now is not the time to gloat that THN correctly predicted that A-Rod would be playing for New York again.)

But the reality is, A-Rod was just too expensive. A-Rod would have been a lot of fun to have in an Angels uniform. While it's fun to point out his playoff failures (which are way overstated), it is kind of a bummer. If, for nothing else, what it would have done for Vlade's career. Or even Garret Anderson who would have gotten a bit of a rub.

Now the Angels having only two courses of action. The first will be to overreact and send Howie Kendrick, Mike Napoli, Brandon Wood and a pitching prospect for Miguel Cabrera. Or the other -- and more likely -- is that they will do nothing. And much like the Chargers, they will chart a course for winning the division and then get embarrassed in the playoffs. Again.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Packers Fans Have Courtesy

An anxious Packers fan tries to secure a souvenir game ball. Add your own caption.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The Bastards Did It

Say good bye to one of the last places on the strip that served Miller High Life draft. Each implosion seems to become more and more personal. The row of casinos starting at the New Frontier stretching down to the Stardust down to the Westward Ho was a lot of fun. And many of you likely cut your Las Vegas teeth in those casinos, with the cheap table limits and cheaper women. My favorite memory of the Frontier will be playing craps with Judd Nelson after a Cal State Fullerton vs. UNLV game way back in the day.

Some day soon, they are going to be tearing down the casinos we watched being built from the ground up. Oh well, at least there is downtown. For now.

Video from

Monday, November 12, 2007

Peterson: Life Saver

Vikings running back Adrian Peterson will miss Sunday’s game against Oakland with a torn ligament in his knee. That likely will keep Eric Dickerson's single-season rushing record of 2,105 safe for at least another year.

That might also have saved a woman’s life, too.

Because we all know what happened to former record holder. (click)

Guess Peterson also saved a young waiter’s life, too.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

The Post Mortem

The Chargers are not a good football team. Or more to the point, Norv Turner is not a good football coach. A convincing victory by the Chargers might be counter productive, giving a glimmer of hope to those remaining holdouts on Wake Island or elsewhere, who still believed that the Chargers were still in the war.

At the same time, only deranged Celtics fans hoping for Greg Oden or Kevin Durant would root for their team to lose. Luckily, Chargers fans didn’t have to make that choice. The Chargers delivered the best of both worlds on Sunday night -- delivering a win (for lack of a better term) that was just as embarrassing as a loss. A win that showed everybody from John Madden to Dean Spanos to a flexing Hulk Hogan in a luxury booth that a change needs to be made.

At the same time, Gomer Manning was still forced to walk off Jack Murphy Field with that morose look on his face, wondering what the hell went wrong in this six-interception game.

Six interceptions.

That is a record that Eli Messiah himself won’t even be able to break. Nobody is misguided enough to believe that the Chargers are going to make a run at the playoffs. And by all rights, the Chargers should have lost this game. They deserved to lose this game. Still, when all is said and done, the Chargers got the best of Gomer and Tony One-and-Done-gy. At this point, you’ll just take the victory.
  • The Chargers likely go 2-5 down the stretch, meaning they finish 7-9. That should be enough to win the AFC West.
  • Which interception do you suppose was the one that finally drove Jim Sorgi’s mom to throw her tumbler of vodka tonic at the television and scream, “What the (expletive) Gomer. You are killing this (expletive) team. If I have to see you make that stupid horse face one more time, I’m going to shove a football straight up you bum!” Weird that Jim Sorgi's mom would cuss so much, then use the phrase, "bum," huh?
  • At some point, Shawne Merriman needs to pull a “Lattimer” from The Program and just figure out a way to get around the test.
  • How does Turner’s incompetence stretch to his challenge calls? Do the Chargers just not have televisions upstairs because those two calls were the most lopsided challenges in NFL history? Even Mike Martz wouldn’t have made those calls. Ed Hocuhli Jr. probably took some extra time in the booth just so he didn’t show-up Norv on a national game. Anybody else notice that referee Gene Steratore was doing his best Eddie Guns impersonation by going sans jacket in the rainy San Diego night? Expect to see Eddie G in a wife beater next week.
  • And God bless those Chargers Girls for gutting out the game, too, without jackets.
  • Al Michaels said, “I have been laughing at the San Diego Chicken for years.” That’s because you are an idiot, Al.
  • Enjoy your victory Cowboys fans. Barry Switzer started 8-1 in his first year, too.
  • Good to see Eli and the Giants are finally returning to reality. And sure enough, Plaxico is intent on killing two of my fantasy teams. Thanks, jerk. The problem is that Plaxico actually showed up to practice on Wednesday. Catching balls from Eli for long periods of time will make anybody worse. Just ask Cooper Manning.
  • Who the hell is Patrick Crayton? The Cowboys receiver said that the Boys are on a different level than the Giants, which nearly caused Jints running back Brandon Jacobs to go mental. “That is not a fair assessment. I think the Cowboys are a great team. But it's unfair for him to come out and say that because he sucks, first of all." Hearing an NFL player talk about another player the way we would discuss our fantasy team is always entertaining. But Jacobs and the Giants might want to win a game before getting too upset. Oh and Brandon, your quarterback sucks.
  • Giants and Lions next week. Get ready for that matchup, Los Angeles. Hey, the Lions era was cute. That impending schedule includes the Giants, Vikings, Packers, and Cowboys. Two wins are possible, but one is more likely.
  • Three touchdowns for the Kurt Warner Machine, who seemed kind of shaky after that first interception. Ken Whisenhunt made a wise move playing Tim Rattay near the end zone, because Warner cannot hand off with his left hand. Rattay also has a little bit more mobility that will prevent teams from just bull-rushing the middle of the field against Warner.
  • Anybody else see the commercial where the Seahawks offensive line is transformed into a bunch of little kids? Well, they could probably beat the Raiders.
  • Jay Cutler looks like he wandered in from the Beatles tribute show. And did you see the camera continually zooming in on the injured John Lynch? Yeah, because he’s such a key player. Remember that one time he made that clutch play to lead his team to victory? Me neither.
  • Nice game, Bengals. Seven field goals? They should be showing the highlights on FOX Soccer Channel. How do you have a team with Carson Palmer, Chad Johnson, T.J. Housmytugfsda, et al, not at least get into the end zone once? Congratulations to Raven for being the biggest quitters in the NFL. Seems like they haven't recovered from that playoff loss to the Colts last year.
  • If you write this: Things don't always seem as they appear. For instance, the Panthers hosting the Falcons seems like a lock right? Well consider that the Panthers have lost all three of its home games this season … make sure you take the Falcons in your picks pool.

The Ohio State needs to be commended for doing the right thing on Saturday and losing, ensuring that they won’t muck up the BCS Championship Game for a second consecutive year. Now if Kansas would only have the same decency to do the same. Actually, the Big XII could do the rest of college football a favor by doing a little round-robin and knocking each other off. Nobody wants to see Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, Ohio State, Michigan, et al, in the title game. Put in Oregon and LSU and let them fight it out. Nothing would be sweeter than to see Loss Miles and the Tigers run off the field in New Orleans.

  • Credit to UCLA for also doing the right thing and losing on Saturday to Arizona State. Say what you want about USC, but the Devils and Trojans could be battling for the Rose Bowl if nothing screwy happens to Oregon.
  • San Diego State is inching closer to being bowl eligible, following a great victory over UNLV on Saturday night.
  • Nice game Nebraska. You sure proved to the world that you are still relevant in college football.

Can’t wait to hear all of the Gomer apologists talk about the injuries to Marvin Harrison and Dallas Clark as the reason for his trouble early against San Diego. But that’s not fair. Even with Reggie Wayne, Gomer still has a better receiving corps than the units that Tom Brady won three Super Bowls with previously. This should end all speculation who is the better quarterback between Brady and Gomer.

We Saved New Orleans for This?

And by save New Orleans, we mean pretended to care for a few months, without actually doing anything to actually, you know, rebuild the city.

But isn't it fitting, a team owned by Georgia Frontandrearie wins its first game in a city known for drowning people? So much for the notion of the Saints being America's team. You let down the country by letting the terrorists win.

And on Veteran's Day, too.

The Saints might as well have just burnt an American flag at midfield, rather than handing the St. Louis Football Team its first win of the season. Seriously, Saints. That had to be the worst effort by a team not coached by Norv Turner this season. Weren't you like 0-4 a month ago? You owe us a better effort than that.

Friday, November 09, 2007

The Weak Ender

Boston is starting to pile it on lately, obviously not feeling enough of the hate from the rest of the world. Jessica Simpson says that she wants to hook up with a Boston boy. Which is code for she wants to be knocked up by Tom Brady.

Not sure if she will have the kid like Bridget Monynahan or take a belly flop down a flight of stairs like Giselle, stay tuned.

And speaking of Brady, word is that he is being courted by Calvin Klein to model underwear, like a modern day Jim Palmer. Well, since half of Hollywood has already seen Brady's junk, it only makes sense that the rest of us take a peek, too.

The Chargers were so thoroughly humbled by the Vikings and Adrian Peterson last week, that could only mean one thing; The Chargers will defeat the Colts on Sunday night.

It's true.

The Colts don't know how to lose. And when they do, they do it in succession. The Colts are one of only three teams in NFL history to start three consecutive seasons at 6-0 or better. The only problem is, that winning streak is met by a losing streak.

Mainly because Gomer Manning and Tony Fundie One-and-Done-gy, are huge losers.

* The Colts started 9-0 in 2006, but lost three of their last four games.
* The Colts were 13-0 when they lost to the Chargers in 2005, and they lost their next game to the Seahawks.
* The Chargers lost their first game in 2004, won five in-a-row, then lose two in a row.

So if you follow trends, the Colts should lose this week. What, you didn't think this had anything to do with the Chargers showing some pride, do you? Please. The Chargers will likely lose their final seven games of the season after beating the Colts. (Well, maybe they will beat the Raiders, but a Norv Turner-led late season slide is coming.)

  • Where is Turner the quarterback genius? Philip Rivers looks worse than ever. This guy is a fourth-year quarterback and he does not look like an NFL caliber quarterback. Michael Fabiano of wrote a column this week, claiming that teams do worse when Turner leaves a team. Damn, can't wait to see how much worse Rivers becomes when Turner is fired. Besides, that story was a work of fiction. LT is having his worst season of his career, other than his rookie year when, no surprise, Norv was the offensive coordinator. And Emmitt Smith set the NFL record (and had the highest TD totals of his career) immediately following Turner's departure in Dallas.
  • Speaking of folding tents, the Giants are ready for their annual late-season swoon. The Giants have gone 8-16 in the second half of the season during the Eli Messiah era and this team is just ready to pack it in. One loss and Tom Coughlin will go back to being a dictator, the fingers will be pointed, and Plaxico Burress will go out of his way to ruin my fantasy team. Of course, the Cowboys could lose and the Wade Phillips house of cards will come tumbling down.
  • Some people made a lot of money when Priest Holmes was hurt a few years back because they had squirreled away Larry Johnson on the back of his fantasy roster. But this is not history repeating itself as Johnson has now gone down and it’s time for Holmes to come to the rescue. Holmes can’t run the ball more than 10 times, so don’t pin your fantasy hopes on him. Pick up Kolby Smith instead.
  • Receiver Brandon Marshall told the Rocky Mountain News that the Broncos were just fooling everybody by playing so badly, lulling them into a false sense of security. It's a joke, in other words. Told you so.
  • The Miami Dolphins are the worst team in football. And you know who’s a special consultant for the team? Don Shula. That jerk is so worried about somebody breaking his bogus record, that he sabotaged his own team. But the real reason Shula is pissed is because Mike Martz took his crown for being the coach on the wrong-end of the biggest upset in Super Bowl history. (Shula was the Colts coach in Super Bowl III.) Shula likely harbors a resentment for Bill Belichick for schooling Martz in the Super Bowl and taking his real legacy.
  • Is anybody ready for a shootout between the Browns and Steelers. That just doesn’t seem right.
  • Did you know that Joe Buck is still so scared from the Randy Moss fake moon, that he still can’t bring himself to announce a Vikings-Packers game at Lambeau Field?
  • Wow, Yahoo! Sports has really done a good job digging into that Reggie Bush deal. Why couldn’t they do something more useful and investigate the death of Carroll Rosenbloom?
  • Fred Taylor is going to pass the 10,000 rushing yard mark this season. The most rushing yards ever accrued on one groin.
  • Did really make a joke about Bud Grant’s grave? (Scroll down to the Redskins-Eagles preview.) Bud Grant is going to hurt somebody. But give them credit because the Cardinals preview include a reference to Kurt Warner being a machine.
  • At this point, how much would actually playing for the Raiders actually hurt JaMarcus Russell's development?
  • The Chargers have been a disappointment this season, but Raven was 13-3 last season, and are just awful this year after adding Willis McGahee. And has anybody noticed that offensive genius Brian Billick can't get his team to score, while defensive genius Marvin Lewis can't get his squad to stop anybody? These two guys should trade teams.
  • Things don't always seem as they appear. For instance, the Panthers hosting the Falcons seems like a lock right? Well consider that the Panthers have lost all three of its home games this season.

Remember when USC vs. Cal was going to be the college football game of the year? Me, either. Now it might not even be the best game of the Pac-10 schedule with Arizona State vs. UCLA this week. You have to wonder if the players have given up on Karl Dorrell yet, or if they have to be an alumnus of the school to do that. The Sun Devils need to keep winning in order to force a showdown with the Trojans for a possible big to the Rose Bowl (assuming that Oregon sneaks into the BCS championship game).

  • Maybe we shouldn't be so quick to give Oregon's Dennis Dixon the Heisman just yet. West Virginia's Pat White is pretty incredible, too. His 50-yard touchdown run in prime time might be enough to give him that signature moment that a Heisman Trophy winner typically needs.
  • A bunch of SEC teams will beat each other and they will say this is proof of conference superiority. Except for LSU who plays host to Louisiana Tech.

Lil' Hater is going to take us home today. Again, Lil' Hater, not yours truly.

I was going to post this with all the other comment monkey remarks, but here goes:

All the people debating whether the best-case-scenario for the Patriot's season -- whether they should lose the Super Bowl and go 18-1, or go 19-0 and shut Old Man Shula and his minions up for good -- have it completely wrong. Think bigger, people.

The perfect scenario is for an undefeated Patriots to take on the Giants in the SuperBowl.

All the Mannings will be there.
Don Shula will be there.
Joe Buck will be announcing.
Tiki Barber will be there for attention-getting purposes.
And the Sports Dork.
Nickleback or their hip-hop equivalent will be the halftime entertainment.

And Mohammad Atta will somehow commandeer another plane, the US Waterboards, and fly it right into.....


Thursday, November 08, 2007

Welcomg back, Henry

Embattled Bengals receiver Chris Henry celebrated his reinstatement to the NFL by being involved in another off-the-field incident, this time with a valet.

According to the incident report, the valet parking attendant approached Henry and Desious Dyneal Alston, 24, after they parked a Land Rover without paying and started walking away Tuesday. The valet, according to the incident report, said Henry started arguing with him about parking when Baker approached and tried to resolve the argument.

According to the incident report, Baker told police that Henry came up to him and, chest to chest, said, “(Expletive) you. (Expletive) this. Don’t you know who I am?” before throwing a $5 bill on the ground and saying, "You better pick that up (expletive)."

Henry and Alston left the Newport on the Levee in the Land Rover but later returned, the incident report said. Police were called back to the entertainment complex and Henry and Alston were banned from the complex, the incident report said.

You might read this and think to yourself, what an idiot, why would Henry do such a thing? But actually, this was quite a gesture of Henry, showing that he cared about his teammates. By being involved in yet another off-the-field incident, people are no longer talking about how much the Bengals blow. Henry is just being a solid teammate.

And did anybody notice that Henry went to the "do you know who I am card?" Probably because he wasn't wearing his own jersey to this crime.

Despite all of that, the thing that stands out the most is what a dumbass the valet is. When somebody stiffs you, don't run to the police. Instead, you steal all of the change in the ashtray or steal the drugs out of his glove compartment.

Although, this being Chris Henry, maybe he did the right thing.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Memo to the Patriots

Please go undefeated and put the 1972 Dolphins to rest for good. Let's leave Don Shula and the rest of the cork popping Dolphins to celebrate their legacy by doing Nutrisystem commercials while the rest of us move on. Shula's desperation by asking for an asterisk on the Patriots season suggests that maybe he should spend more time overcharging people for bland steaks at Shula's Steakhouse. Because honestly, this is getting really embarrassing. Like a boxer who can't stay retired. Time to let that record go gracefully, fellas.

Besides, did members of the Canton Bulldogs act this way? You remember the Bulldogs, right? The team that actually went undefeated for two consecutive seasons in 1922 and 1923.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Peterson Is Fast

Adrian Peterson is fast. Seems like many of you already knew that. Unless, of course, you were Norv Turner, who told the Associated Press that he ‘misjudged’ Peterson's speed.

Wait ... what? You misjudged Peterson's speed? How exactly were the Chargers scouting Peterson, by playing endless games of Madden? Because that seems to be the only explanation as to why Turner had Philip Rivers heaving the ball deep on every play.

Just when you think Norv can't look any dumber, of mismatched as an NFL head coach, he sinks even lower.

Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman did the admirable thing in trying to deflect criticism off of his coach by saying that coaches don’t tackle, players do. But Merriman also said that tackling was all about attitude.

That attitude was shifted when A.J. Smith hired a hands-off coach like Turner who changed the culture of the team. The Chargers defense is now as soft as Brittany Spears midsection and that attitude of the defense is about as indifferent as Spears’ driving skills. The Chargers quit in the fourth quarter when Peterson gained nearly 200 of his yards.

The Post Mortem

Welcome back, Gomer.

The image of Gomer Manning, Super Bowl champion, had become a little bit too disconcerting. Kind of like seeing Jaleel White as a player and serious actor, instead of the lovable, high-water pants wearing Urkel that we all came to know and love. Watching a helpless Gomer flail around looking for the ball he fumbled is a much more fitting image for his legacy, than his dimwitted grin while holding the Lombardi Trophy in rain-soaked Miami.

All of those pundits who proclaimed that the Colts Super Fluke cemented Gomer’s legacy as a winner owe us an apology. His pedestrian numbers and key fumble cemented his legacy as the NFL’s ultimate choke artist.

Once again.

Boston fans can now celebrate because it’s been almost 20 minutes since one of their teams won a world championship. ESPN’s Sports Dork Bill Simpson can make his Manning Face jokes again, keeping him from having to find new material. And that’s the only downside – Boston fans can continue to celebrate and be an obnoxious Grover Dill-version of New York. People consider Boston the new evil empire. But that’s not quite accurate. Boston is the Italy of the Axis powers.

And that must make the Colts the France of the Allied powers. Thanks for rolling over, Colts, now sit back and let somebody else clean up your mess.

  • A Colts fan sitting near the player's families was wheeled out of the stadium on a stretcher after being hit in the head with an empty Jim Beam bottle moments after Manning fumbled the ball. The victim recalls hearing a woman scream, “Damn it, Gomer, Jim would have held on to the ball” before blacking out. Authorities are looking for leads.

The Vikings defense ranked 32nd in the NFL against the pass, but Philip Rivers found a way to make them look like the Purple People Eaters of the 1970s. Seriously, what the hell was that Rivers? That was worse than the climatic football scene in Not Another Teen Movie.

Norv Turner outsmarted himself again, trying to exploit a favorable matchup and get Chris Chambers into the game, all at the expense of ignoring LaDainian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates. You know, his two superstars. Tomlinson ran the ball only 16 times. Rivers dropped back to pass 45 times, but only completed one pass to Gates.

Who thinks the Chargers are back now?

Don’t worry San Diego, the Chargers will win the AFC West. Hopefully they will lose in the first round before being humiliated in New England. But somehow, that is the way this is going to end, right?

  • LT’s letter. And for those of you writing in, yes, this is a real letter.
  • The Chargers have knocked out the opposing quarterback in successive weeks. Next up, Gomer. Jim Sorgi’s Mom is anxious with anticipation.

But first, nice game Eagles. Cris Collinsworth came out this week and called you a darkhorse contender and this is the performance that you have? In a must-win game against the Cowboys? Garrett Reid doesn’t have enough drugs to sooth the souls of morose Eagles fans. Even Charlie Weis and Notre Dame thought that was a feeble effort.

The Cowboys looked pretty dominant against the Eagles, but you would be foolish to bet against the Packers right now. No matter how hard Brett Favre tries to give away a game – like he did with that interception right be the end of the first half – the old man finds a way to get it done when the game is on the line. Sure, it’s been against Denver and Kansas City. But consecutive road wins is nothing to be ashamed of. Especially at Arrowhead Stadium.

  • The Saints are going to be the feel-good story again. And sure, they have beaten a couple of decent teams during their four-game winning streak (Seattle, Jacksonville). But that secondary is still pretty weak. Hard to take a team seriously when they surrender 354 yards to Quinn Gray.
  • What in the name of Wayne Fontes is going on in Detroit? All of these NFC teams look decent from week-to-week, but there always seems to be one fatal flaw. No, it’s not the defense. Not that the unit is good, but any Mike Martz offense can be shutdown in crunch time. Just look at St. Louis in the 1999 NFC Championship Game and the Super Bowl. The Lions are destined for one-and-out in the playoffs. But that should be enough to inspire the Detroit fans to burn down the city.
  • Good Lord, Arizona. The Kurt Warner Machine was sputtering, but what the hell happened to Edgerrin James who rushed for 15 yards on nine attempts. That doesn’t seem humanly possible.
  • Sebastian Janikowski missed a 64-yard field goal when he hit the upright. Way up the upright, like the kick would have been good from 74-yards. But just like the Raiders season, his kick was close but not quite there. JaMarcus Russell should get ready to see the field soon.
  • How does the recently unwrapped King Tut have a better complexion than Norv Turner? Yeah, we’re going there..
  • John Fox has to be done in Carolina. He’s make a pretty good defensive coordinator in San Diego.
  • Broncos coach Mike Shanahan is the Hulk Hogan of the NFL, living off a fake tan and past glory to overshadow his shortcomings. The Broncos have raided the Browns for defensive line help, drafted nearly the entire Florida defense and brought in coordinator Jim Bates. Now the team is farther from the Super Bowl than it ever has since John Elway retired. Not that he wouldn't be welcome in San Diego.

Oregon is likely happy to be sitting at No. 3, seeing what has happened to the No. 2 teams in recent weeks. There was some thought that the Ducks could jump to the second spot after defeating USC and ASU in consecutive weeks, but it wasn’t to be. And that’s fine. LSU has a tough remaining schedule with super heavyweights such as Louisiana Tech, Mississippi and Cypress College, so its luck will run out.

But as a college football fan, we beg Ohio State to do the right thing and bow out of the BCS standings. Just pass on your bid, accept an invitation to the Sun Bowl, and play a game that you can actually win. Yes, we remember your huge upset of Miami – and that was great – but don’t press your luck. You aren’t that good.

  • And what about Kansas? They still have games with Missouri and Oklahoma left, and hell, if Kansas can win those games, give them a chance to play for the national championship. And congratulations to the Jayhawks for running up the score on Nebraska. After being punked by Nebraska for years, they earned the chance to go for it.
  • How does Bill Callahan still have a job today? Tom Osborne should have changed the locks at halftime.
  • Rejoice UCLA fans, there is nothing Karl Dorrell can do now to keep his job. But who do you think you are going to hire to turn the program around? The Bruins don’t have enough money to lure a competent head coach. Although Norv Turner might be available.
  • Dennis Dixon is the Heisman Trophy winner, right? Cool, let's move on.

Each day, the servicemen and women of the United States wage war against religious zealots. That is why it’s nice to hear when some of our boys are able to fight back against some jihad warriors.

So congratulations to the Naval Academy who ended a 43-game losing streak to Notre Dame. God bless America.

Friday, November 02, 2007

The Weak Ender

Thank you to Martina Hingis and the photog who snapped crotch shots of Maria Sharipova for providing those of us sick of Patriots/Colts coverage, and oppotunity to focus on something else. Until Bill Belichick defended the photographer, reasoning that everybody is trying to take snatc... err ..., snap hots of Sharipova.

Hoodie has a point there.

It was tempting to try to be the only NFL site to not devote much of its space to the Patriots vs. Colts game, but then, did you see the rest of the schedule? Would you like to see an 800 word essay on Panthers starting quarterback David Carr? No, as much as this game has been over-hyped, you can't ignore it.

Even the Bay Area is going to watch this game because the Raiders did not sell out their home game against the Houston Texans. (Hahaha Houston, you will be stuck with watching that game.) But that's telling when Pharaoraider, Gladiraider, and the rest of Hell's Satans would rather watch a regular season game instead of watching the Raiders lose again.

So indulge us one thought on the Patriots and Colts, and that is this; You really want to pull for the Colts in this game. Even so much than looking past Gomer's numerous commercials. But then there's Tony Dungy. Who had to compare the Patriots to Barry Bonds.

"You kind of feel like there is a code of honor, a code of ethics in the league," he said at the time. "You want to win and you want to do things the right way."

Dungy also compared the Pats to Barry Bonds, where he said the slugger's accomplishments were tainted and implied that perhaps the Pats' were as well.
Yesterday, as his team prepared to host the Patriots in Sunday's battle of the NFL's unbeatens, Dungy stood by those remarks.

"To me, that's what it is," he said. "That was my opinion at the time and that's what I believe. I don't think it takes away from anything they've done. It's just disappointing that it wasn't a good situation for the league or any of the players in the NFL."
Ethics. That's a good one, Tony. Or maybe this was just another opportunity for you to jump on your soapbox and look down his nose on the rest of the league with his moral indignation.

So if you are looking for an angle this week, look at it this way. If the Patriots win, then Gomer Manning and Dungy go back to holding that loser label that strangled them for years. If the Colts win, then Belichick will have to know that God really hates him and his running up the score.

And if you want to read a great interview with Tony Dungy, part one and part two.

  • Chiefs defensive end Jared Allen is having a great season, going so far as to say that the mullet has turned his season around. Allen is the kind of guy that you really want to pull for. Until you hear that the only reason he really believes he is playing better is because he quit drinking. Talk about your bad role models. Now where are coach’s sons supposed to get their inspiration from? This is especially in bad taste coming so soon after the passing of Max McGee. Way to soon to start being sober. What a slap in the face.
  • Eagles coach Andy Reid is rumored to be mulling his resignation from the Eagles, to join his son's drug-dealing ring. Do you think Hingis is one of their customers?
  • The judge in the Garrett Reid case said that the coaches house was a drug emporium. So you mean that Andy Reid lives in a Walgreens?
  • How do the Jaguars keep finding 6-foot-5 black quarterbacks, well over their listed weight of 250 who can’t run a lick? You can have your prototypical quarterback, but this is just pushing it. Kind of like how the Cowboys scout quarterbacks based on who can bend the needle on the gaydar.

College football has it’s own game of the century this week – Arizona State vs. Oregon. The Ducks are in the final game of their gauntlet (unless you want to count UCLA, but we don’t) and they are going to be in a position of win and wait. If they win, that is. Dennis Dixon has played great this season. And like Brett Favre in Green Bay, his magic kind of overshadows what the rest of the team is doing. But don’t be fooled, Oregon has some of the best talent in the country.

ASU quarterback Rudy Carpenter is going to need to play nearly flawless to win this game. If forced to pick a winner in this game, it has to be the Ducks. They just can’t lose two games at home this season with this team. And if they do, hopefully the run the table.

  • The key for Arizona State: Don’t fall behind.
  • USC is going to drift through the rest of the season, maybe losing one more game (ASU). But this is still a very talented team. The Trojans are going to end up going to the Las Vegas Bowl or something, play an overmatched foe – like New Mexico – and win by 70. Not quite what they expected when they started the season, but something for the gamblers to look forward to.
  • How is everybody enjoying the Chuck Long era at San Diego State? Why is it hard to recruit kids to San Diego?
  • Why does everybody hate Nick Saban so much? He left Michigan State to go to LSU, won a BCS game, and then he cashed in and went to the NFL once he realized what a (expletive) hole Baton Rouge can be. So what does it matter that he came back to the college game to coach Alabama? And the next person who complains that he lied about taking the Alabama job needs to get hit in the temple with a tack hammer. Of course, Saban lied, he was negotiating in order to get more money. That’s not lying, that’s being smart.

Joe Torre to the Dodgers. Good luck with all of that.