Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Memo to the Patriots

Please go undefeated and put the 1972 Dolphins to rest for good. Let's leave Don Shula and the rest of the cork popping Dolphins to celebrate their legacy by doing Nutrisystem commercials while the rest of us move on. Shula's desperation by asking for an asterisk on the Patriots season suggests that maybe he should spend more time overcharging people for bland steaks at Shula's Steakhouse. Because honestly, this is getting really embarrassing. Like a boxer who can't stay retired. Time to let that record go gracefully, fellas.

Besides, did members of the Canton Bulldogs act this way? You remember the Bulldogs, right? The team that actually went undefeated for two consecutive seasons in 1922 and 1923.

26 comments:

DAWUSS said...

I'm tellin' ya, the 0-14 Dolphins will beat the 14-0 Patriots...


No idea about the St. Louis Rams, though. IDK who they might be able to beat. Heck, I'm beginning to think they don't care about winning

Rickey Henderson said...

No mortal man can stop Tom Brady. That Brady/Moss combo is like a freaking force of nature.

Anonymous said...

You really want the Pats to go 19-0?

The 72 Dolphins team has what, 10 years left to live? I'd rather there be only 10 years of abnoxiousness from a few old guys in Florida than making the douchebaggery of Massholes increase tenfold for god knows when.

The Chargers will win the Superbowl this season.

BostonSucksMyBlog said...

anonymous makes a fine point

Conrad Bain said...

I see Shula's point. Why, just look at how the Pats have fallen apart since their cameras were taken away. Yeah, took the wind out of thier sails, that's for sure.

If I was Hoodie, I'd send my players to the club seats to drag Shula down onto the field, strip his ass bare, and fire him from a circus canon.

GMoney said...

Don Shula sucks. Dave Shula sucks more. Heath Shuler sucks, too.

Erin Andrews said...

Why can't you go out gracefully by trying to kiss a sideline reporter?

Thought about doing the same thing?

flohtingPoint said...

Bleh, let them go 19-0. I just want the Sports Illustrated season recap, with you choice of a football phone or special bonus spy tape of the 04 Eagles.

Chris said...

Shula was asked about the team in an interview, so what did you expect? He didn't go out of his way to talk about it - he was asked and he responded. I think Shula said what a lot of people are thinking: That yeah, the Pats are good without all that crap, but being found guilty of cheating tarnishes anyone - and their legacy.

Fletch said...

My preference would be for the Pats to go 18-0 (thus besting the Fins), then losing in the SB to a "vastly inferior" NFC team, kinda like when the Cards won the WS last year.

Fuck the AL and the AFC right in their ears. And the Pats, too, just for being in Mass.

NFL Adam said...

Fletch nailed it. How great that be for them to run the table in the regular season and then fall in the Super Bowl? I like it.

bucky said...

I like it too. Especially if it's the Green & Gold working 'em over in Glendale that evening. But whether it's week 10 or the Super Bowl, I do not want these assholes going unbeaten all the way through.

You think Red Sox fan is unbearable? Multiply that by 5 and you get Patriots fan. Not a goddamn one could tell you who Darryl Stingley was, or Steve Grogan, or Ron Burton, or John Hannah. None have ever heard of the Bay State Patriots. They think a Cover 2 defense means you put a guy on both wide receivers. But now they think they invented the fucking game of football. Christ I want to see Mike McCarthy pull down Belicheat's sweats and cornhole him right on the sidelines. I want to see Al Haris pull down his pants and stick his ass right in Randy Moss's nose. I want to see Tom Brady choke on Brett Favre's thick and gorgeous.

But mostly I want to see the devastation on the face of all these obnoxious, ignorant Johnny-come-this-evening Pats fans. That would be priceless.

God, I hate those dickshines.

Anonymous said...

IF there's anybody that could outperform Tom Brady in the Super Bowl, it's Brett Favre. He would totally best ol' Cleft Chin in completion percentage to Patriots players.

Anonymous said...

Not a goddamn one could tell you who Darryl Stingley was, or Steve Grogan, or Ron Burton, or John Hannah. None have ever heard of the Bay State Patriots

Well, they could do what you did and just Google "Patriots history".

Ah, internets. The great leveler. From the mighties pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn't enjoy condescending wiki-education?

Diane said...

As THN's token female fan, I have to say that my best guess is that Brett Favre's isn't "thick and gorgeous".

NFL Adam said...

I did see a Patriots fan in an Andre Tippett jersey once and was rather impressed.

Of course, I was in a circle of Eagles fans once on Fremont Street and was the only one who recognized the Chuck Bednarik jersey.

bucky said...

Well, they could do what you did and just Google "Patriots history".

Ah, internets. The great leveler. From the mighties pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn't enjoy condescending wiki-education?


Ahh, the anonymous Patriots fan. Really, is there any other kind?

Your premise has three prerequisites:
1. The ability to use a computer.
2. Mom's permission to do so.
3. Sufficient focus to complete a research task and refrain from clicking over to adultfriendfinder.com.

So, have you hooked up with anyone yet?

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, nothing more enjoyably predictable than pompous comments about one’s social status and ability to get laid. All we’re missing is a joke about one’s moth…oh I see it right there. Good job. You win the internets. Too bad it’s the 1999 version.

It is funny that you assume I’m a Pats fan because I poked fun at your haughtiness.

bucky said...

It is funny that you assume I’m a Pats fan because I poked fun at your haughtiness.

No, I assumed you were a Pats fan because you display the same craven ignorance that they do.

Boner said...

18-1 is the scenario I'm hoping for as well. That way Shula can STFU but the Patriots and their fans can eat some well-deserved d**k. I don't care if it's Dallas or Green Bay or whoever, this just has to happen. For the sake of humanity

And bucky's right, the prototypical ignorant yokel Patriots fan from Billerica doesn't even know what a computer is.

NorvTurnersFacialCream said...

18-1 of course meaning they'll lose the SB, right? :-)

Boner said...

that is correct. Big fat loss at the SB. Kinda like how the Patriots handed the Rams their a##es back in '02.

The Okk said...

No, I assumed you were a Pats fan because you display the same craven ignorance that they do.

There is a moderate amount of irony in this statement

And, for the most part, the most vociferous Pats fans are the ones that lumber over after the Sox are done playing baseball, looking for an outlet for their backwards-Sox-cap NU fratboy aggression. Trust me, we hate those douchebags as much as you. Hell, if you ever take up arms against them, count me in. Maybe I'll finally be able to get tickets to games other than preseason match-ups against the Cardinals without having blow old men in the parking lot.

And, yes –cue creepy farfisa chord - I’m a Pats fan. And, yes, I know who Stingley, Burton, Hannah, and Grogan are, as well Larry Eisenhower, Stanley Morgan, Russ Francis, and the immortal Eugene Chung. Without Googling. I’ve been subjected to the cold high school benches of Foxboro Stadium on numerous occasions, having been dragged there by my old man, just as his old man used to do back when the Patriots played at Fenway/Schaefer. We’re one of the very few families that grew up football-crazy in the Boston area. Probably because football has always been more conducive to drinking.

If you hate me even more now, whatever. But not all of us are drunken construction workers from Medford that love cheering on “Tommy Brady”. Only, you know, the ones from Medford.

The Bain said...

I've enjoyed the diversity of opinions here; indeed, I feel that I've personally grown from what I've read.

That said, I still want Don Shula stripped naked and shot from a circus canon.

NFL Adam said...

And it's the ban with the MOAB.

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