Thursday, October 04, 2007

The Weak Ender

The baseball playoffs have started. And while you may think you don't care who wins, you really do. Mainly because you are going to have to deal with the fans of one of the eight teams. Who will be bragging about their team. But who is the worst?

Obviously not the Yankees or the Red Sox. While you might figure that Boston is the lesser of two evils, think again. You can never root for the Yankees, but figure that a Red Sox championship will be compounded if the Patriots win the Super Bowl this year. And remember the Boston Celtics have Len BiasKevin Garnett, too and all of that hardware he won in Minnesota. So Boston could use a daisy cutter right about now.

The loveable loser quotient is filled by the Cubs and Indians. Well, the Indians and the whole city of Cleveland are losers, not so much lovable. Besides, Drew Carey won the Price is Right job, isn't that enough? And remember what happened when the Bears went to the Super Bowl last year? Imagine that obnoxiousness multiplied by about 3,600 if the Cubs win the World Series.

The Angels? Yeah, you aren't going to need to worry about that after Sunday.

Ditto for the Phillies. Not that anybody would pull for Philadelphia. That would be akin to pulling for Bin Laden or Iraq during the cold war against Russia. Oh wait ... never mind.

The Rockies are sentimental favorite right now. But you would be semi-mental if you pulled for the Rockies. Remember, the people who root for the Rockies are the same people who pull for the Broncos and Divealanche. Denver, outside of our beloved CAPPY, have some of the worst fans outside of Oakland. The only reason you don't hear more about them is because they are trapped in cabins in the Rockies, much like the Unibomber.

That leaves the Arizona Diamondbacks. A great choice because really, how many of you actually know a Diamondbacks fan? Word.

BTW, Alyssa Milano said that she will no longer date athletes (via With Lethur), and will instead focus on bloggers. Awesome.

Four NFL teams have the chance to move to 5-0 this week. A feat so rare that it has not happened since 2003. Hey remember when the NFL was supposed to be this league based on parity and MLB was supposed to be watered down to only two or three real contenders for the World Series?

Consider, the Colts go like 5-0 every year. The Patriots have been at the top of the NFL for a number of years now with three Super Bowl titles since 2001. So much for your lack of dynasties in the NFL. Yet, seven of the eight teams in this year's baseball playoffs did not make the playoffs last year. Only the Yankees appeared in the 2006 playoffs. Major League baseball has not had a repeat World Series in a number of years. So for all of the sanctimonious b.s. about the lack of competitive balance in baseball. At least the World Series will have two good teams going at it, while the two best teams in the NFL will play in either the divisional or conference championship.
  • The undefeated team in the most trouble this week? Indianapolis. Safety Bob Sanders is hurting and if he doesn't play, that makes the Colts defense as vulnerable as it was during the later stages of the regular season in 2006. Besides, the Bucs are do for that one miracle game in the wake of Cadillac Williams' injury, where Michael Pittman pretends that he's playing against the Raiders in Super Bowl XXXVII.
  • LaDainian Tomlinson must be excited to play against the butter soft Broncos rush defense this week. Look for Tomlinson to rush for about 200 yards and a pair of touchdowns -- in the first half. Then he will be completely ignored in the second half as the Chargers go down to defeat again.
  • Before everybody goes crazy over Selvon Young, don't forget to add Mike Bell, too. At least now Travis Henry will have some time to spend with his 18 kids. Just don't ask him how he's going to pay for all of them.
  • Oh, and if you want another fantasy stud this week, Brandon Marshall. He'll have like 200 receiving yards against the Chargers defense and because Jay Cutler has some sort of crush on him.
  • St. Louis has resorted to Gus Frerotte at quarterback, while the Kurt Warner Machine comes back to Arizona as a part-time quarterback. This quarterback situation could be his Pulp Fiction. Matt Leinart, however, seems to keep griping. And if he keeps that up, he can find himself permanently on the bench.
  • If Frank Caliendo did his over-the-top John Madden impersonation, would it be hard to tell the difference from the over-the-top three-hour orgasm we are going to witness on NBC's Sunday Night Football? Just be thankful he didn't break the record with Madden and Peter King in the same building.
  • There is something about Brian Billick that just makes you want to punch him in the face, because he seems so arrogant. Nobody is a bigger mark for their own work, than Billick is of himself. But now Trent Dilfer gets a chance to comeback to remind Billick of the greatest mistake he made of his career -- taking Dennis Green's secretary to Planned Parenthood. Oh wait, no, letting Dilfer go after Super Bowl XXXV. How did the whole Elvis Grbac era treat you? Dilfer was the perfect quarterback for that system and Dilfer has swallowed his pride to be the bigger man in the Dilfer/Billick feud. Dilfer should be pissed. How do you think Favre would have reacted if he was let go after leading the Packers to the Super Bowl because he threw too many interceptions?
  • The Seahawks and Steelers will meet on Sunday to remind us of the most boring Super Bowl since the Steelers beat the Vikings back in Super Bowl IX.
  • The Cowboys will face the 1-3 Bills on Monday Night Football this week. Damn, the Cowboys have eaten more cupcakes this year than Valerie Bertinelli.

Normally Big Ten football is a tremendous letdown, as evidenced by the Rose Bowl and last year's national championship game. So you probably have to temper your enthusiasm for the big Ohio State vs. Purdue game this weekend. You do have to pull for Joe Tiller who has tried to bring the conference into this century by actually focusing on the offense, for a change. So look for the Boilermakers to pull the upset this week against the Buckeyes. Book it. Purdue probably has the most offensive talent of the Tiller era and will cause some match up problems for Ohio State, who struggled early against Washington.

  • Like Illinois to get by Wisconsin, who has survived one too many scares this week. But remember, we've blown on our college football picks, so you are welcome Badgers fans.
  • Remember when Jim Harbaugh was running his mouth about USC? Yeah, he's probably going to wish he had never said anything. Don't think that Pete Carroll has forgotten about that, either.
  • UCLA is going to destroy Notre Dame. Funny, tickets for this game were going for about $100 before the start of the season. Now, you would have trouble finding anybody who would take them off your hands for free.

Lions receiver Roy Williams is a good guy. Apparently the backlash from his refusing to tip the pizza guy was so great, that Williams has seen the light. After finally getting a copy of the Kristie Alley-Patrick Dempsey vehicle, Loverboy, he has finally seen the errors of his ways. But just don't expect him to pick up the tab at Red Lobster.


Sun Devil said...

The Diamondbacks are going to the World Series. Again.

Dodgers and Padres SUCK.

Tommy Tuck Rule said...

"This good be his Pulp Fiction."

Now that was sweet.

Tommy Tuck Rule said...

Sorry, it was too early to posting comments on a blog. I meant "could."

Why don't the Angels start Saunders against the sox? He is the only one that has beat them as of late at fenway. I thought scosia or however you spell it is some sort of genius?

Bain said...

Bell's got a concussion. Watch Cecil Sapp.

Michael Anthony said...

Enough about Valerie, Wolfgang needs to lay off the damn cupcakes... and take a P.E. Class with his tutor.

flohtingPoint said...

I almost wish Peter King was there when Brett broke the record, I can see it now...

Peter would have thrown a right cross to Deanna Favre's cancered boob, then pounced on the field like a feral cat. After outrunning security, he leaps into the air, arms and legs splayed, tackling Favre and producing the first ever man on man action caught on film in NFL history. Upon finishing his dry hump/rape of Favre, he looks around, totally disgusted with his complete loss of self control, then stomps Brett's head ala Albert Haynesworth, causing Brett to finally have to sit a game out.

It would have been magical...

NFL Adam said...

Wow. That's some vision for Peter King. Nice job.

Anonymous said...

What would happen if Favre broke the interception record on an NBC-aired game?

Bill Simmons said...

Great Favre takes, THN. Keep 'em coming! We'll show him!

james said...

yeah but rank posted this on thursday night, well before simmons.

Bill Simmons said...

Good work, James. Thanks for pointing that out!

NFL Adam said...

Who is Bill Simmons?

Anonymous said...

"Remember when Jim Harbaugh was running his mouth about USC? Yeah, he's probably going to wish he had never said anything. Don't think that Pete Carroll has forgotten about that, either."

Stanford 24. USC 23. Hahahahahaa, eat shit dumbass.

Anonymous said...

Fight on Fuck Hole!!!!

Diane said...

Just wait for next year when Dallas MacPherson will be starting at third!

Freakin' pitiful is what that was