Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Lil' Hater: Burning Down the House

They say I'm going to hell, but if these flames move any further down the hill, some fireman is going to be scooping my melted body up with a shovel. All in all, you'd have to say Great White's SoCal Tour really isn't going too well this week. Do you think that if Scott Weiland & the Velvet Revolver boys play that STP “burn, burn, burn your wicked garden down” song on Friday, fans in Irvine would cheer like idiots or be appalled?

Oh wait, they bought tickets to see Velvet Revolver, never mind.

You know what the source of all these fires is? Irate Southern Californians, from Malibu to Tijuana's Hat, rioting in anger over having to watch another deity-damned Giants game again on Sunday. And can you really blame them? They'd better not try showing us the Giants game against the 0-7 Dolphins, or the entire state will go up in flames. And I’m still waiting for an explanation why a game being played in the London –- the closest thing Europe has to New York –- counts as a home game for Miami.

Seriously, what’s the more impressive streak this year –- New England snot-kicking every team by at least 17 points every week, or a mediocre team from the East Coast getting all its games televised on the networks more than 3,000 miles away? (And do they show Chargers games in New York? No. You know why? Nobody moves from San Diego to New York. Even when the entire county is an inferno.)

If you assume 12-14 or so games a week (taking bye weeks into account), and that only five games are shown here every week (and that two of those have to be the Chargers and Raiders), statistically speaking there’s less than a 0.04 percent chance that the Giants should have been on every week. Maybe less. But you've been warned FOX and CBS, these fires in Southern California are on you.

5 comments:

Terri Schiavo said...

About the only thing that could make the SoCal fires more funny is if I'd been mistakenly wheeled aboard an air tanker and dropped into the blaze!

NFL Adam said...

I've wasted all of these years not smoking and ruined it all just by walking around from my house to the car.

This is unbelievable.

And just think, the worst part hasn't even happened yet. When the rain hits later this winter, the houses that were spared will be rolling down the hill in a mud slide.

NFL Adam said...

Actually, those houses in Rancho Santa Margarita are going to run down the hill into Lil' Hater's backyard in San Clemente.

The Ninth Ward said...

Don't worry. Bush is on the way.

Steve Bisheff said...

Good thing my hair is fire-retardant.