Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Congratulations St. Louis

How do you like Georgia Frontandrearie now, St. Louis? Many of you applauded when the Murdering Showgirl (allegedly, we're not sure she was a showgirl) brought her expansion football team* to St. Louis. The trollop was given millions of dollars to move to the Midwest, and for what -- one faded Super Bowl title? Hopefully that was worth ignoring the city's infrastructure and basic civil services.

Your football team might not be tops anymore, but at least you can brag about having one of the highest per-capita crime rates in the United States. Fitting that Georgia would find a home in a town known for murder. Maybe someday when you are done stealing the Rams logos, marks and records you can rename the team the Murderers or maybe the St. Louis 187s would be kind of cool.

Now many of you in the Gateway City are looking for the head of Scott Linehan, but you need to set your heights higher.

Whose penny-pinching forced the team to basically ignore the defensive side of the football for years? Or the offensive line, too. While Georgia continues to line her pockets, the offensive line would be about third best in the Big XII. And you would think that last year's injury to Orlando Pace would have been a wake-up call to invest in the line in free agency or the draft, instead the team signed Drew Bennett and Randy McMichael. That is why your team is struggling.

Do you like Steven Jackson, St. Louis? His days are numbered. If Georgia was offended when Eric Dickerson and Jerome Bettis wanted to be paid like an NFL player, what do you think is going to happen when Jackson wants his money? Secretly, Georgia was thrilled when Jackson went down so she would have an excuse to play Brian Leonard, who will be your starting running back next year. Kurt Warner was a million-to-one shot, and St. Louis is trying to recreate that with every player on the roster. Smart.

The best money-grubbing story of the St. Louis football team came in 2003. Safety Kim Herron went down with an injury that was going to keep him out for most of the season. So the team put him on the IR, that kept a then-healthy Herron out of the playoffs. Fittingly, it was his replacement and one "big-name" free agent, Jason Burnhorn who was burned by Carolina's Steve Smith that cost St. Louis another run at the Super Bowl. And hopefully you enjoyed that because that will be as close as you are going to get for a long time.

Oh, and one last thing, rumor has it that the team has an escape clause in its contract that would allow them to leave if attendance falls below the top ten in the league. But hey, it's not like Georgia would purposely tank a team in order to freely move it across the country. But just to be safe, you ought to check the Las Vegas escrow records.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

St. Louis Rams - 1 Superbowl

San Diego Chargers - nothing worth noting

Conrad Bain said...

LOL... classic THN Frontandrearie beatdown. It's too bad Georgia hasn't married Alex Spanos.

Anonymous said...

You couldn't get a picture of her when she was younger? Was she hot back then?

NFL Adam said...

The only pictures of Georgia Frontandrearie from when she was hot were painted on a cave wall.

The Hatriot said...

Seriously, don't you think the "Frontandrearie" jokes have gotten a little old.
Oh wait...

That's right...

FRONTANDREARIE JOKES NEVER GET OLD! You would think that the murdering old whore could find some football talent among the numerous bastard children she squirted out when she wasn't drowning her husband and disinheriting his son. Don't worry, though, Cowtown fans. I'm sure that if an NFL team was going to kick your backwards-ass city to the curb and move out to a western growth state, it would have happened by now.

How weird is this? My verification word- Carroll Rosenbloom's last words: "mgjnff"

Not Terry Benedict said...

Isn't it impossible for St. Louis to make top ten with their stadium capacity? Where'd you see this rumor? I'd love to see that shit-hole St. Louis get dicked over like Orange County did.

The Doberman said...

Yeah, if you call yourself a satirical blog, please - try and be funny. 'Cause this aint. Calling Jason Sehorn, "Jason Burnhorn"? There are plenty of ways to rip that joke of a football team that resides here, so please, give a better effort next time. Unless your whole blog is that unfunny. Then you should just stop.

Anonymous said...

You hit it right on the head Doberman. This piece of shit blog is unfunny and it's a pain on the eyes.

Yawnnn. Another day with the same bullshit jokes. What a waste of time.

Anonymous said...

Who invited the sniveling section?

That Guy From The "Leave Britney Alone" Video said...

Hey Doberman,
When you're done humping my leg, could you try and butch up a little. Seriously Girlfriend, I thought you were going to set off the fire sprinklers with that hissy fit!

Elton John said...

Seriously Doberman, can you at least walk like a man?

NFL Adam said...

I don't know, I appreciate a good anonymous drive by.

NTB -- the rumor came from somebody in the media who I kind of trust, but I haven't been able to confirm it at all yet. That would be a dream come true, though.

Fletch said...

Sorry, I'm slow...people in LA actually cared about the Rams? Really?

Not Terry Benedict said...

They weren't my team growing up but I had to watch my dad go through the agony of rooting for a team run by the real life Rachel Phelps. I also got to watch shit holes like Houston and Cleveland get teams back while the Greater Los Angeles Area is going on fifteen years without professional football with no end in sight.

So yeah, I hate the Rams. Bless THN for hating them almost as much as my team.

Tommy Tuck Rule said...

Awww you trust me NFL Adam? I had no idea.

NFL Adam said...

Sorry Tubby, the only thing I would trust you for is to tell me when that Garden Inn is going to break ground in Flagstaff, Ariz.