Tuesday, September 04, 2007

SUPER BOWL BUZZ KILL: RACIAL SLURS


You're team isn't going to the Super Bowl, so why have any optimism? The Hater Nation blah blah blah... cue MY music... What? I was told there'd be music! O.K. if you're reading this just put on "Thunderfist" by the Aggrolites and turn the bass up...

The Washington Racial Slurs

By The Hatriot

Ah the Racial Slurs, the obnoxious bigoted uncle at the wedding rehearsal dinner of the NFC...

Providing further evidence that the universe is just, the Slurs have had just four winning seasons since ’92. While every schoolboy knows they went 5-11 last year, their 1-5 division record gives a more accurate picture of this team. The fact that their one division win came at the expense of the Cowboys is just more proof that the Creator loves us and wants us to be happy. This feature really should be called .500 Buzz Kill.

O.K., show of hands: Who thinks that adding London Fletcher and a rookie strong safety will make the 31st ranked defense competitive this year? Oh, I almost forgot about Fred Smoot. No word on what hooker-chasing Dr. Seuss character will be lining up at DB on the other side. Thanks to a soft-as-warm-butter schedule the Slurs have a shot at improving to 6-10 or maybe even 7-9. Meanwhile, Slurs fans will definitely be on pins and needles waiting to see who goes on the DL first: Jason Campbell or Clinton Portis. And there’s always the popular Smallpox Infested Blanket Giveaway promotion to look forward to.

You know, whether it’s making fun of Cowboy Honk’s man-crush on George Horton, or just reminding everyone that Tony Romo is gay, I always try to pay it forward here at THN. With that in mind, let me offer the Slurs a couple of suggestions for names that are less offensive than their current one. Of course, the Dallas franchise could change its name to the Presidential Assassins and it still wouldn’t be as offensive as the Slurs. Given that the team plays in our nation’s capital, home of armchair warriors and serial deferments, The Chickenhawks has a nice ring to it. No? Well then, in light of the recent activities of certain “Family Values” politicians, I say “Go Washington Blumpkins!”

In the end, you have to give them credit. The Slurs didn’t go half-in and wind up with a moniker that just shows bad taste and insensitivity like, say, the Braves. Nope, they went out and found the most offensive term for a Native American they could and slapped that on their gear. Stay classy, Washington.

3 comments:

NFL Adam said...

Juggy is a Slurs fan?

Anonymous said...

Go REDskins!

Larry Craig said...

When the air is hot and oozing
That's no time for toilet cruising
When the frost is on the pumpkin
That's the time for an airport blumpkin