Monday, September 10, 2007

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Cardinals

Your team isn't going to the Super Bowl, so why have any optimism? The Hater Nation brings you back to reality with the Super Bowl Buzz Kill. Why your team won't win the Super Bowl:

The Arizona Cardinals

By Lil' Hater


The Matt Leinart Foundation, according to the Cardinal QB’s Web Site, is designed to “create opportunities for children in need of extra special help.”

Like kids born out of wedlock to Cardinal QBs, perhaps.

Seriously, is this is just about the worst-ever idea for an athlete’s vanity charity effort? (Well besides Leonard Little’s Driving School for Drunks, or OJ’s Home for Battered Wives, or Mike Vick’s Puppy Farm, or Terry Sch… ah, I don’t go there.)

I checked the Foundation’s site, and couldn’t tell if Travis Henry was on the Board of Directors for Matt’s Urban Achievers. I’m assuming he is.

I’m also guessing that Matt’s dad is on the Board. Now, Lil' Hater may have had some run-ins with the elder Leinart in other lines of work; I think it’s fair to say that he comes from the Archie Manning School of Thin Skins when it comes to watching over his kid’s public image. Fortunately THN’s offices don’t have a phone line, or we’d likely be getting a nasty-gram any minute now.

But the bottom line is this, Pops: Joe Namath could get away with late-night partying, reckless driving, and whoring around, because he was, well, Joe Namath.

Your kid plays already had a questionable arm before getting off-season surgery. And he plays for the Cardinals, a joke franchise where its best players see enlisting as a good career move.

Based on the team’s history, Matt’s much more likely to be skateboarding with Todd Mariniovich down at Newport Beach in two years than be the next Broadway Joe.

And for god’s sake man, if you’re going to have a kid out of wed-lock, take some advice from the good QB’s in the league. Knock-up a supermodel or a Song Girl, not a WNBA wanna-be. Broadway Joe is not impressed.

3 comments:

Diane said...

"And he plays for the Cardinals, a joke franchise where its best players see enlisting as a good career move."

I didn't think it was possible to write a good Pat Tillman joke. I stand corrected.

The Bain said...

Leonard Little’s Driving School for Drunks, or OJ’s Home for Battered Wives

Or Britney Spears Home for Flying Labias.

Fletch said...

"Different mothers, huh?"

"No."

"Racially he's pretty cool?"