Sunday, September 09, 2007

The Post Mortem

Who had the worst Sunday, Steven Jackson or Britney Spears? One looked bloated, unmotivated and disinterested going through the motions.

The other looked like a single mother desperately trying to make an ill-fated comeback. Seriously Britney, who is your personal trainer, Pink?

Now all of you fantasy football owners who drafted Jackson early in your draft probably don’t want to push the panic button just yet, but if Orlando Pace’s shoulder injury is serious, then the St. Louis Football Team is in some serious trouble. Added to the offensive line trouble are injuries to Richie Incognito and veteran Todd Steussie. Pace will go through an MRI on Monday, good luck to St. Louis if the news is bad, though Jay Glazer is reporting that Pace could miss the season. Not that anybody is going to waste any tears crying for that franchise. But what else can Glazer report? He works for one of the worst sports websites ever, so he needs to do something to make people notice him. Otherwise, he's out shilling the IFL with that genius, Frank Algebra.

Boy, Norv Turner sure had the Chargers offense flying high in his head-coaching debut. What, gaining more than 200 yards for the game? Of course, the Chargers were playing a motivated Bears defense, and the team was hosed by a horrendous non-call on a blatant offsides by the Bears that resulted in a fumble, but the offense looked horrible. You could reason that if the Chargers did not receive that generous gift of Mike Scifres shank punt, that game could have easily gone the other way.

Thankfully for the Chargers, the Raiders and Chiefs look as miserable as ever. What was Kansas City thinking dumping Trent Green? Teams don’t have to respect the one-dimensional offense (much like the playoffs last year) and they are going to load the box against Larry Johnson. The AFC West could definitely have three teams who could win only four games this season. And Denver, don’t think that you are much better. There were numerous plays by Jay Cutler last year that looked very Jake Plummer-like.

Wow, is 7-9 going to win this division?

Looks like your college football expert is the one eating the merde sandwich this week. Washington is much better than anticipated. We all knew Jake Locker was going to be something special, but the defense was exceptionally good, really handcuffing Boise State on Saturday. Make no mistake about it, the Huskies are going to beat No. 10 Ohio State on Saturday. Washington probably doesn’t have enough to make it a blowout, but they will win a close game.

Speaking of the Big Ten, Michigan might be the worst team in college football. Oregon, let’s face it, is from the Pac-10 so they are more talented. But where was the heart Michigan? The Wolverines just up and quit, that not only embarrassed half of the state. But Hugh Jackman, who played Wolverine in the X-Men movies, was also deeply disturbed by the performance.

How does Lloyd Carr still have a job?

Arizona State is flying under the radar this season. The Devils started slow against Colorado, but really put a beating on them scoring 33 unanswered points. Dennis Erickson is probably cheating, and probation probably isn’t too far away, but this team is good.

USC is going to have a tough time going through the Pac-10 schedule undefeated. The Pac-10 is loaded this year, and to think otherwise is complete ignorance.

BTW Wisconsin, nobody is forgetting about you, either. UNLV could have won that game. The Running Rebels football program should be so much better than it is. While you don’t want to build a program on moral victories, you had to be impressed with the performance.

  • Welcome to the NFL Calvin Johnson. So much for that vaunted Raiders defense. Seriously, if anybody really wanted to put up huge points on the Raiders, they would. But with that offense, nobody has to try.

  • How bad is the Cowboys secondary, after it allowed Eli Messiah to just walk through them on Sunday night?

  • Do you think Jim Sorgi's Mom was rolling through the channels last night, a few scotches under her belt, when she came across the Messiah on Sunday Night Football? She probably hurled that glass across the room screaming, "Cheese and rice, I can get away from these mother (fornicating) Mannings!"

  • Having Joe Buck off of the FOX morning show is a much-needed relief. But he really ruined the broadcast of the Chargers game. He and Troy Aikman complained about Chargers fans complaining of the heat, saying, “Move to St. Louis.” That’s the problem Joe, nobody wants to move from San Diego to St. Louis. Seriously, why couldn’t Joe Buck be Chris Benoit’s son?

  • Enjoy Randy Moss while you can New England fan, he will be hurt or pouting within a couple of weeks. Oh, Randy is a joy when things are going well, but once something goes wrong, look out.

  • Did anybody else notice that LT’s touchdown run in second half looked kind of like that Nike commercial?

  • Jason Elam is married to a former Miss Hawaiian Tropic and Broncos cheerleader. On Sunday you found out why—huge huevos.

  • Remember when the Miami vs. Oklahoma game meant something? The bad news is that the Sooners will likely go through the weak Big XII undefeated and get a shot at the SEC or Pac-10 winner. And once again, they will get run out of the stadium.

  • The best part of the Notre Dame and Michigan game this week is that somebody is going 0-3.

Troy Glaus took HGH to help him return from what was supposed to be a season-ending injury in 2004. Maybe that explains why the Angels were so quick to get rid of him at the end of the season. And that makes sense why the team was so upset with the Sarge Jr. earlier this season. When you think of it, the Angels got rid of its other obvious steroid user, too, David Eckstein. So it’s good to see the Angels take a stand in such a serious issue.


Anonymous said...

Michigan isn't even close to being the "worst team in college football." That honor belongs to the team that lost at home ... by five touchdowns ... to Buffalo.

That's right. Sorry Bill Cosby, but Temple is the worst team in college football.

Signal to Noise said...

Man, I want to call Washington over OSU so badly right now, but I can't do it. I'll be pulling for the Huskies, but I can't do it. Five Pac-10 teams in the Top 25 would be sweet, and if U-Dub beats OSU, that's what will happen.

Cutler had some Plummer flashes against the Bills -- damn near gave me a heart attack.

Conrad Bain said...

Excellent pre-hedging on both USC and Tijuana's Hat. It will be noted during their respective plunger parties.

btw, that wasn't an offsides and Phil Rivers looked like Frank Burns again.

DAWUSS said...

I wonder who's receiving more love in Michigan, Matt Millen or Lloyd Carr...

NFL Adam said...

Wait a minute, we've optimistically called for the Chargers to go 7-9 since Turner was hired. Now it just looks like that might be good enough to win the division.

No hedge on USC. They are still the best team in the country. The problem is, the only teams equipped to beat USC are Pac-10 teams. The conference is just too good to go undefeated. So SC goes 12-1 and whips Necklahoma, LSU, or some other loser in the Plus One. Book it.

TheNaturalMevs said...

why couldn’t Joe Buck be Chris Benoit’s son?

amen to that

Anonymous said...


Michael Richards said...

Tijuana's Hat

Even I wouldn't go there.

Bain said...

Yeah, sure. Calling San Diego "Tijuana's Hat" is racist.

We already knew San Diego can't afford a fire department. Apparently their schools can't afford Geography class, either.

Ron Burgundy said...

Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

Brick Timlin said...

I hit somebody with a trident.

The Big Picture said...

i didn't unknowingly write that bit about UW, did i?

WDOR said...

Neither Cal nor USC would make it through the Big XII South undefeated. Remember when Cal was upset that they had to play Texas Tech in the Holiday Bowl and got waxed? I think that was the year before UT was beating USC for the national championship. Yep-- Big XII is so overrated.

OU is stronger than you give them credit for and while USC is strong, both LSU and OU would give them a run for the money.

Fletch said...

I'm all for ASU doing well this season, but let's wait until they've played, um, anyone decent before calling them good. A whopper of a game vs. San Diego State comes next. Don't challenge yourselves too much there, Sun Devils.

NFL Adam said...

Now you've gone and insulted the Aztecs. That's not cool.

I also love how Big XII fans like to point to Texas beating USC as some sort of validation for their crappy conference. Sorry to say, but that was only one guy, Vince Young, who carried that game. And if you look at it honestly, USC should have put that game away like they put away the Sooners the previous season, but were way too careless with the ball.

Blonde said...

Michigan sucks donkey balls, but I have to say that Temple (one of my alma maters) sucks the worst ass ever. My beloved Fighting Irish is not too far behind.

Believe it or not, I recently met Pink in person and she is very tiny in person. Swear to cunt, she is small and doesn't look at all like she does on TV. Yes, it really was her. Shitney on the other hand is a nasty cunt, do not revive.

I am back, you whores