Friday, August 10, 2007

The Weak Ender

Derek Jeter gave Jessica Alba herpes. That totally has to be true because it’s on the internets. Seriously, there would be a link to the site if there was any credibility. And this is coming from a professed Yankees hater who looks for any reason to bash the Bronx Bummers.

But here’s a hint for you people out there who like to make up rumors—try to get the names correct. Jeter has been linked romantically to Jessica Biel, not Jessica Alba, you morons. Maybe you want to do a little bit more research, not only on your subject, but the proper way to be a Hater.

GO JOHN GO
In honor of John Daly’s quest to win the PGA Championship, THN will be drinking mass quantities of beer and getting as little exercise as possible to commemorate the event. Seriously, if you could pick one person in the world to have in your foursome, it would be John Daly, right?

And when a huge fat guy has the chance to possibly take down the best player in the world, well you just have to root for him. Unless he is David Wells. For some reason, Wells doesn’t carry the same appeal the Daly has. Maybe because deep down, if you were ever at a black jack table and needed to borrow a few bucks, Daly might not loan you any money, but he would at least give you a dollar to tip the waitress. Or maybe it's because Wells was once a Yankee who gave Jessica Alba herpes.

  • Speaking of lovable losers, is there anybody rooting against Rick Ankiel? His return has been amazing, but the only downside is that Scott Spiezio is going to rehab. Sorry for all those free beers you were given at The Catch, Sand Frog.
  • Bad news for Tampa Bay’s Mike Alstott who will likely be retiring after being put on the injury reserve list. Those ESPN Fantasy Hall of Fame commercials might have jinxed both him and Warrick Dunn. Seriously people, stay away from ESPN.
  • How is it, people say that wrestling is a joke and is fake, yet they don’t want Pacman Jones to participate because he might get hurt? Hell, Saints players are getting injured at water parks, so having a player go into professional wrestling shouldn’t be too much of a concern. Because it’s fake, right? Looks like the Titans are searching for a way to let Jones out of his contract. Which should be good news for Raiders fans who will likely snap him up. Or, more likely, the Broncos who have taken a liking to character issue guys in recent years.
  • Hey, the Bengals are in mid-season form, blowing huge leads in the preseason. Wow, that was almost painful to watch.
  • Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt took his Cardinals players to see the Bourne Ultimatum instead of practicing. That can’t be worse than anything Dennis Green did to them over the past couple of years.


THE LINKS
Conrad Bain is back. In a big way.

Kohl's plays better music than your neighborhood bar. Who wants socks?

Zach LS won't link to THN anymore.
Chris Rix is in love with Flash Warner.

Did Fletch watch this movie with the Cardinals? Was there a Simpsons Movie review that was missed?

AND FINALLY
Wanted to give a belated shout-out to the late great Hal Fishman, the longtime anchor on Channel 5. The dude always looked super annoyed when the Angels game would run too long back in the day, cutting into his newscast. Fishman was the first dude to run video of the Rodney King beating. And for those you out of Southern California, Fishman was the basis for the Kent Brockman character on The Simpsons.

6 comments:

Seitz said...

Maybe Zach won't link to you because you screw up the links to his site?

I thought my post about the music played at Kohl's would be good enough to make it this week.

Fletch said...

Whatever you do, don't sit next to Edge James at the theater. MFer doesn't shut his unintelligible mouth up and he stinks to high heaven.

Probably seeing Simpsons tonight...hasn't been all that high a priority.

NFL Adam said...

Sorry Seitz, complete oversight on my part. But truth be told, since the Angels beat the Red Sox, I've been hiding from your site.

Seitz said...

I was totally going to work another dig into that first post, but I figured I'd hold off for now.

Conrad Bain said...

Daly's wheels appear to be coming off. He's +1 after nine, last I looked. Somebody needs to get him a beer bong and a carton of Reds or it's all over.

Woods is -4 after 10.

The chicks at Hooters said...

Keep running your mouth, Fatty, because we are running out of wings here.