Monday, August 06, 2007

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Saints

Your team isn't going to the Super Bowl, so why have any optimism? The Hater Nation brings you back to reality with the Super Bowl Buzz Kill. Why your team won't win the Super Bowl:

New Orleans Saints

The Saints were the feel good story of 2006, allowing American to support New Orleans by rooting for the Saints instead of donating time and effort to actually, you know, rebuild New Orleans . So America cheered for a Saints victory in the playoffs and leered at the (Expletive) the Eagles Girl, so it was a win-win for everybody.

But bad news for the Saints and New Orleans: nobody cares about you anymore. Now that a bridge has collapse in Minnesota, nobody is pulling for the Saints anymore. America has room for only one tragedy at a time. (Although, bless the Yankees hearts for continuing to "Wave the Bloody Shirt" that is 9/11. Good God, Yankees, that was six years. Even the Los Angeles Kings who actually lost members of their organization that day have given it up.)

Expecty the Saints to regain their rightful place in the NFL this season. The team can't be that bad, considering they play in the same division as Joey Harrington, but don't look for the playoffs.

Drew Brees will show people why they were so quick to get rid of him in San Diego . The NFL will catch up to Sean Payton's schemes this year, and they will be on him. You don't want to put too much stock in an exhibition game, especially the Hall of Fame Game when the Steelers were going out of their way to make Mike Tomlin's debut a success, but expect to see similar results during the season. More blitzing will make Brees' noodle arm a liability this year.

The big key for the Saints will be the defense, which was merely average last year. New Orleans addressed the defense by drafting receiver Robert Meacham in the first round of this year's draft. They also signed Brian Simmons to a free-agent contract, and he has responded by being unable to unseat Mark Simoneau to be the starting middle linebacker.

Sorry Saints, you were fun for a season, but it's time to move on. Don't worry, this will make it easier for you to skip town to Los Angeles in a few years.


Frank Beamer said...

We're winning the BCS National Championship Game against Notre Dame. Everyone else is fighting for 3rd place.

The Asian guy who shot up Virginia Tech said...

Yes, I've ensured a VT championship this year.

Anonymous said...

Reggie Bush is a bust. No carries of more than 20 yards proves it. The league didn't have to catch up to him because they already had him.

Diane said...

I'm pretty sure I don't get a vote, but in case I do, I prefer Heather to Cowgirl

Anonymous said...

You know, I remember that Maxim feature. It was the one where each girl had to wear a shirt proclaiming what she'd done on her Summer vacation. I must say, I prefered Heather's layout to the one featuring Georgia Frontandrearie in a "F*** Vince Ferragamo" spaghetti strap tank. My verification word is "ccmuvxed" but when it's excited it reads "Welcome To Jamaica Have A Nice Day".

The Hatriot said...

errrrr. I forgot to sign the "anonymous" post, "XXX OOO, The Hatriot".

Ray Nagin said...

You just hate black people. Fuck you.