Friday, August 31, 2007

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Packers

Your team isn't going to the Super Bowl, so why have any optimism? The Hater Nation brings you back to reality with the Super Bowl Buzz Kill. Why your team won't win the Super Bowl:

The Green Bay Packers

The Packers are going to be interesting this season, but of course, all of the early season hype will surround Brett Favre and his quest to break one of the all-time records in sports as he becomes the NFL’s interception king. And that march towards the record could be a little distracting. Especially if some of the rumors are true that Favre has been, well, maybe using some performance enhancers to extend his career and make a push for the record.

Because as anybody knows, if Jake Plummer ever comes out of retirement, he is definitely going to break Favre’s all-time interception record.

Still, you hope that Favre has been doing it naturally, much the same way that George Blanda did. The former Bears, Raiders, Oilers, etc. quarterback did it on hot dogs and beer. But how did Favre do it?

THN dug up a college photo from Southern Miss to take a look at how the elder statesmen’s body has changed through the years. Because if we have learned anything from the Barry Bonds chase, it’s this—if your body does not look the same as it did when you where in college, you are on the juice. Hell, if your body doesn’t look the same from when you were in your mid 20s, you are certainly one the juice.

And sadly, but looking at the picture, we can see that Favre has gained a little weight from his college days. His arms practically doubled in size. Shame on you, Brett.

This could derail a rather promising season for Green Bay. Honestly, the Packers are on to something here. The young defense, led by A.J. Hawk and veterans such as Charles Woodson has a chance to be really good. Rookie receiver James Jones is going to be the starter by the fourth week, if not sooner because of injuries. Then you have a miserable division with the Vikings and Lions, plus the Bears will come back to Earth as most Super Bowl runners up do, there could be a chance for the Packers to win the division. The only concern is Brandon Jackson and Vernand Morency at running back. They aren’t good. Green Bay has enough to make it to the playoffs, but beyond that? Probably not. Especially as those whispers get louder.


Anonymous said...

All Brett Favre Haters Can Promptly Suck A Cock

Anonymous said...

Nice twist, Rank. I thought you would go with this tired interception record, but I liked the steroids angle.

bucky said...

James Jones is the number 3 receiver, meaning he's essentially already a starter along with Driver and Jennings. I think the Packers will be going with 3 wide rather than a fullback and 2 wide more often than not. Jones is going to get a lot of touches, as he already seems to have better chemistry with Favre than Jennings does.

I think the real question for the Packers is the running game. The line showed signs of gelling late last season, but none of the backs have really stepped up so far this year to replace Green. Brandon Jackson, DeShawn Wynn, Vernand Morency and Noah Herron are probably all going to split the load at HB.

I think the Packers are getting much less love than they deserve from the national media, but that's all right with me. No Super Bowl, but there's no one else in the NFC that looks good enough to go either.

Anonymous said...


Conrad B said...

Green Bay has enough to make it to the playoffs...

You're getting soft. The old NFL Adam would have chewed his own hands off before allowing them to peck out that line of letters.

If there's one thing people should have learned last year, it's that flakey teams from the NFC North have a tendency to wander much farther into the postseason than they're supposed to. It's the NFL's Mr. Magoo division.

DNice said...

Keep it up dude. The interception bit never gets old. And I agree nice twist with the 'roids. Was the first comment from Peter King? Favre is so overrated.

Conrad said...

No Super Bowl, but there's no one else in the NFC that looks good enough to go either.

I see a repeat of last year. Every week there will be a different NFC team at the top of the power rankings. The NFC playoffs will resemble a bad movie about football. The Saints will emerge as the pick of the litter, only to trip over their own dicks and allow whatever team is at the top of the North to go lose the Super Bowl.

Shawn Merryroidman said...

I liked the steroids angle, too!