Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Jaguars

Your team isn't going to the Super Bowl, so why have any optimism? The Hater Nation brings you back to reality with the Super Bowl Buzz Kill. Why your team won't win the Super Bowl:

Jacksonville Jaguars

Typically we run a fan photo here, but gee, do the Jaguars really have any? Seriously, it seems that most Jaguars fans use the games as a way to kill time between the “World’s Biggest Cocktail” party (Florida vs. Georgia). Yes, Jacksonville has a NFL team, but not Los Angeles. Or Anaheim.

Or Oakland.

But we figure there is one Jaguars fan out there, Heather Kozar-Couch. Yeah, it surprised us, too. Last we heard for Ms. Kozar, she had allegedly run off with Cade McNown, who pursued her like he pursued handicap parking spaces at UCLA. What might be more surprising is that the reason Ms. Kozar is a fan is because her husband, Tim Couch has been signed by the Jaguars.

You knew the Jaguars weren’t satisfied with quarterbacks Byron Leftwich or David Garrard, but Couch? Normally a backup quarterback wouldn’t be big news, but with the Jaguars and the world's two most un-athletic black quarterbacks, Couch could see some playing time.

The Jaguars did hire Dirk Koetter to run the offense. Koetter had a lot of success at Boise State, but was a miserable failure during his tenure at Arizona State. That’s good news for Jags fans because that means that he’s more comfortable working with inferior talent. And Jacksonville has loads of it. Don’t let the 12-4 record two years ago fool you, this team beats up on the weak sisters of the AFC South, but don’t expect much this season.

And if there is any optimism left in Jacksonville, then they should be reminded that Mike Tice is still on the coaching staff, a proverbial kiss of death to any NFL team.


Anonymous said...

Jack Del Rio for President; Mike Tice for Secretary of Kicking Your Ass

Mike "Warren" Tice said...

Have you seen my pencil? Have you seen my pencil?

Anonymous said...

franks and beans

Cade M. said...

Heather Couch has nice cans.

My Hero Zero said...

Heather obviously once thought choosing between Couch and McNown was a no-lose scenario. Then again, she could have ended up with Akili Smith.

Seitz said...

Thanks for posting that picture, Adam. It's cheered me up from the anguish I've felt the last couple of nights watching an Angels team that clearly can't compete with the titans of the American League East.

chandler arizona auto insurance, car, home owner insurance quote said...

Rope a dope. Yikes.