Your team isn't going to the Super Bowl, so why have any optimism? The Hater Nation brings you back to reality with the Super Bowl Buzz Kill. Why your team won't win the Super Bowl:
The New York Giants
The Giants, to nobody’s surprise, managed to stay in the spotlight during the offseason thanks in no small part to a couple of fabricated controversies. For starters, the Michael Strahan saga is one of the most overblown stories out there. Honestly, some journeyman defensive end is holding out for more money. How is this news? The only thing Strahan likes more than Brett Favre taking a dive is any sort of media attention. Now that his wife has left him and he’s become about as interesting as a red balloon in front of Terry Schiavo, he decided to hold out. That is the kind of move traditionally reserved for the media whores who appear on Big Brother or The Real World. Next thing you know, Strahan is going to parade around the Giants practice facility in a red leotard. But here’s the scoop Mike, nobody cares. You could retire tomorrow and nobody would notice.
Then you have the alleged feud between Tiki Barber and Eli Messiah. And even Gomer got into the mix, making it the world’s lamest three-way since Charles Nelson Riley and Lyle Waggoner double-teamed Brett Somers. But please tell me that you didn’t believe, for a second, that the Barber Messiah exchange was legitimate. This was obviously a WWF-style work, and please, don’t be duped into it.
Hell, the fake feud between Elisabeth Filarski and Rosie was far more believable, and a lot more entertaining that showed that Barber and Messiah can’t play, nor fight better than girls. Sorry, the only way a Giant is going to the Super Bowl is if the Oxygen Network hires Tiki to do remotes from Arizona in February, because the team certainly isn’t going anywhere.