Thursday, August 30, 2007

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Buccaneers

Your team isn't going to the Super Bowl, so why have any optimism? The Hater Nation brings you back to reality with the Super Bowl Buzz Kill. Why your team won't win the Super Bowl:

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Now, long-time readers of The Hater Nation know that the Buccaneers preview provides a perfect opportunity to talk about Carmella DeCashowdidyouscorethischick? And you’re right. This would be a perfect opportunity, but the truth is, there is a lot of love for Jeff Garcia. And one of the THN patron saints, Jon Gruden. So it’s hard to talk about this team.

And let’s not forget about The Captain. Not the fruity mascot from the 1970s, but an actual fan that we drank beers with prior to Super Bowl 37 in San Diego. A dude we ended up hugging after that glorious Buccaneers victory.

Well, hopefully he was a Buccaneers fan and not some dude in an eye patch, because that would be like, totally embarrassing.

But back to the matter at hand, the Buccaneers aren’t going to win the Super Bowl. And they aren’t going to the Super Bowl. The unimaginative football sites can poke fun at the Bucs quarterback position, noting that Jake Plummer would have rather retired than play in Tampa Bay. And that’s lame.

But there might be some truth to it. Not that Jake wouldn’t want to compete with Garcia and Chris Simms and that polish guy, but who the hell is going to catch the ball on this team? Boise State has a more reliable group of receivers. Seems that maybe instead of picking up quarterbacks the way homeless pirates in San Diego collect bottles and hugs, the team might have gone out and addressed that glaring need at receiver. A position so bad, that Buccaneers fans are reminiscing about the Keyshawn Johnson era.

Sorry Tampa, much love for you, but it just ain’t happening.

1 comment:

bucky said...

When the hell did you slip this in here? Trying to sneak a hottie past us, eh?

Not gonna happen.