Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Jets

Why your team won’t win the Super Bowl: New York Jets

The Jets 2006 season ended the same way that the Sopranos ended—the screen went blank and everybody wondered what the hell happened during the AFC Wild Card Game. The kid genius, Eric Mangini, was rubbed out by the New England boss, a Member’s Only clad Bill Belichick, pretty much the same way that most people figured that Tony Soprano got whacked.

You could almost here Mangini humming the tune, Don’t Stop Believing, moments before Asante Samuel returned an interception36-yard for a touchdown in that game.

Jets fans haven’t stopped believing in the 2007 Jets, but that’s because most of them are dopes. The Jets ended the regular season winning five of six games. Sounds impressive until you consider that the opponents were the Texans, Packers, Vikings, Dolphins and Raiders.
Then there is Chad Pennington. Yes, he had a good season in 2006. But depending on the brittle Pennington to be your quarterback is akin to relying on Lindsay Lohan to be your designated driver. You really should know better. The Jets back-up plan is the Jeff Tedford project, Kellen Clemons. Better hope blonde can hold up.

The team’s biggest free-agent acquisition was Thomas Jones, who seemed to put it together in his three years in Chicago. But with Pete Kendall’s contract dispute, it won’t be unusual to see Jones stuffed at the line.

And then, there is the Mangenius himself who used unusual motivational techniques such as boxing videos and military personnel to pump up his teams. That kind of smacks of the desperate measures that another New York skipper tried, Billy Martin. Those kind of ploys always worked one year for Martin.

Yeah, just one.

10 comments:

Conrad Bain said...

...depending on the brittle Pennington to be your quarterback is akin to relying on Lindsay Lohan to be your designated driver.

Or Chris Benoit to be your dad.

bucky said...

[D]epending on the brittle Pennington to be your quarterback is akin to relying on Lindsey Lohan to be your designated driver.

What, were you listening in on your police scanner or something?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19930594/

Diane said...

. . . or relying on Michael Vick to dog sit

Fireman Ray said...

You are so fucking wrong, buddy.

Bud Grant said...

Bud Grant once created a rock that was so big he couldn't lift it. Then he lifted it anyway, just to piss off Existentialist wimps.

Curtis Martin said...

The Jets have no chance now that I'm retiring.

Joe Namath said...

The Jets are going to win the Super Bowl. I guarantee it.

Suzy Kolber said...

Hey Joe, still want to kiss me?

Steve Young said...

I hit that.

Erin Andrews said...

You can have Joe. I have CAPPY!