Monday, July 16, 2007

Hollywood Gridiron

The NFL Network ranked the top ten footballers turned actors in honor of an in-studio appearance by Fred Dryer. Let's see what you think about the list.

10. Fred “The Hammer” Williamson (From Dusk Til Dawn)
9. Alex Karras (Blazing Saddles)
8. Ed Marinaro (Hill Street Blues)
7. Dick Butkus (Hang Time)
6. O.J. Simpson (Naked Gun)
5. Dryer (Hunter)
4. Merlin Olsen (Father Murphy)
3. Bubba Smith (Police Academy)
2. Jim Brown (The Dirty Dozen)
1. Carl Weathers (Rocky, Happy Gilmore and Arrested Development)

Two words here: Outrage. Where the hell are Brian Bosworth and Terry Bradshaw? If yours truly had a vote in this contest those two would have ranked first and second. And you could make an argument for either one taking the top spot. How can you ignore Bosworth in Stone Cold as he went toe-to-toe with William Forsythe and won, damn it?

And who can forget the epic scene in Cannonball Run where Bradshaw blows out the window of Mr. Foyt's tree-hugging meeting and responds by filling his lip with a wad of Redman? Or after driving the Hawaiian Tropic into the pull says, "Now we got to to tune it, but let's get a beer first." That should be enough to earn the top spot without mentioning the barroom brawl in Hooper.

Hell, Bradshaw is still making movies.

Olsen hasn’t made a movie since 1988. Karras appeared in every episode of The Tom Show (of course there was only one). Butkus played a real stretch as an opposing coach in Any Given Sunday. Bradshaw had to pretend that he was into Kathy Bates for crying out loud.

And O.J.? Well, he has been portraying an innocent man for the last 14 years, so at least he’s still working.

But this is just wrong. This is the kind of thing that would call for a boycott, you know, if anybody actually got the NFL Network. Instead, you are all implored to go to your local Best Buy and purchase a copy of Hooper or Cannonball Run to voice your displeasure.


The Interception King said...

I was in There's Something About Mary and did a ton of Vicodin. I should be on the list.

Fletch said...

Snowflake voted for Dan Marino.

Tommy Tuck Rule said...

I think Alex Karras' credit should go down as Webster.

Also Wrestling is acting so we need to open up a spot for Jim "The Anvil" Neinhart.

Bud Grant said...

Superman owns a pair of Bud Grant pajamas.

Anonymous said...

How can they not credit Weathers' role in Predator? He was in a movie with two future governors, for God's sake?

Dead John Matuszak said...

I think my work pretty much speaks for itself

NFL Jennifer said...

What the hell happened to Mr. Eye Candy himself, Howie Long? I am outraged.

Christian Slater said...

I agree on Howie.

Diane said...

Following Michael Vick's federal indictment on dogfighting charges, can a second re-make of The Longest Yard be far behind?

Conrad Bain said...

Vick... what a turd. Wonder how many other players are going down once he starts singing. That sound you hear is the NFL lawyering up.

bucky said...

I hate to keep tooting the same old horn, but where's my man Uecker? Harry Doyle? Mr. Belvedere? C'mon, where's the love for Mr. Baseball?

Hmm, my verification word is kocqwyvx, which I think is the title of my man Darnell Autry's latest direct-to-DVD masterpice. . . .

Anonymous said...

What football team did Uecker play for?

bucky said...


I'm still looking for Darnell's latest from Singapore, though.

Anonymous said...

Two words: Lawrence Taylor in Any Given Sunday.

Thank you.