Here's the thing, though (are you listening, CAPPY? Mookie?): I'll admit - these posts have been stale the last couple of weeks. No doubt. Perhaps I'm having an existential crisis on par with Stephanie Tanner when she first realized she was caught between D.J. with a boyfriend and Michelle being too cute (en route to cocaine addiction). Perhaps I'm just not good at what I do. Perhaps it's a combination of the two. I'll see if this week can be a little bit better. Here we go now:
Pac Man Jones
I mean seriously, is this a (expletive) joke?
$1.99 Kobe Rant Videos
I think I would rather watch entire episodes of "Boy Meets Grill" via I-Tunes.
On a continuum of interest-generating elements, this guy ranks between anything about Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's relationship and how your newest friend to start dating met the girl of his (expletive) dreams. "And there she was, in line at the post office..."
If he had one of those machines that Urkel created and somehow transformed himself into a weird smorgesboard of Davey Johnson and Earl Weaver, I'm pretty he still would have lost his job. That happens when you have Aubrey Huff anchoring your power hitting section.
Sure, he might be on the verge of employment. I guess someone told him he isn't in line to start burning down the Bronx in a year, though. His career is now taking an oddly similar trajectory to that of Lee Mazilli, and I can't imagine that as a good thing.
At this rate, he's going to enter the NBA coachless, which is basically equivalent to having Rick Barnes. Oh, (expletive).
People in Cincinnati
The Reds are about to become (even more) unwatchable. Bengals are getting arrested again. Huggins is in West Virginia and ready to unleash his wrath. This place has become the socio-cultural sporting equivalent of that episode of Seinfeld where Kramer locked the Japanese in the drawers, and collectively everyone wondered, "What just happened to a thing that once had promise?"
The last time he had this many people telling him to scream nasty stuff, it was this girl and a few of her friends. George Mitchell's knockers just aren't that nice (Selig's, though...)
2001 World Series Heroes
Randy Johnson has a slipped disk (and is a massive asshole). Curt Schilling is having a MRI (and is an utter douchebag). Gonzo got herpes from standing next to Joe Buck in a broadcast booth last season. And the entire state of Arizona still has to deal with Matt "The next Tom Brady, in all the wrong ways" Leinart and his growing pains.
People on "Hang Time"
Reggie Theus takes over an uninspired Kings team far from the glory days of "More Cowbell" at ARCO. Daniella Deutscher (Julie) has appeared in 1 episode of "Las Vegas" in the last 2 years, and meanwhile, her name is a feminine vaginal care product. Megan Parlen (Mary Beth) did voice work in a Tony Hawk video game in '03, and may well be dead now. And Anthony Anderson (Teddy Brodis) has successfully replaced that other dude from "Kenan and Kel" as "the fat black guy who can occasionally get you to laugh."