Friday, April 20, 2007

The Weak Ender

Victoria’s Secret has selected Danica Patrick as the sexiest female athlete. Because yeah, that "deer-in-the-headlights" gaze is just super sexy. She looks like a mix between the "runaway bride" and Terry Schiavo. And shouldn’t the sexiest athlete, you know, be an actual athlete?

Derek Jeter won on the men's side. So at least there is something going right for the Yankees captain. Do you think that Jeet is a little upset privately because of all of the success that A-Rod has experienced so far this season? Jeter probably relished the fact that A-Rod not only had to switch positions, but struggled in the postseason. That gave Jeter super hero status in Gotham City.

If A-Rod continues this streak through the season and into the playoffs, there is a very good chance that he will be recognized as the greatest baseball player of his generation. In a year when Gomer Manning finally climbed the top, anything is possible. The only thing that could make this parallel more apt would be for Joe Torre to come out and denounce homosexuals.

  • Speaking of the Yankees, they start one of many series with the Red Sox this weekend. And already, Calvin Cowheard was making a big deal out of it. Sorry, this series is starting to play out like a Rocky movie. So much so that they might as well have Tommy Morrison throw out the first pitch tonight.
  • Who is going to be this year’s Detroit, aka America's Team? The Twins maybe? The Indians might be a little young and seriously, they are responsible for this whole A-Rod is clutch deal, so it can’t be them. Maybe it's time to invoke the best interest of baseball clause to give the Angels a few hitters to help balance the power.
  • The Anaheim Ducks won a playoff series. Oh no, it’s almost time to jump on the hockey bandwagon. No, seriously. You can’t consider yourself a real SoCal sports fan unless you are willing to jump on the bandwagon of one the participants of one of the fringe sports. There is a Ducks hat in the closet, right next to an Avengers jersey. Bring on the Red Wings! Does Paul Kariya still play hockey?
  • Speaking of fringe sports, the NBA playoffs start its 12-week odyssey towards crowning its championship tonight. Good lord, the NBA playoffs are not boring because they space the games out so much, but what happened to the best-of-five first round series? At least there was the possibility of an upset. The Lakers would have beaten the Suns last year in the first round. But now, there won’t be any upsets, other than the fans who have to buy extra tickets to the games because NBA teams still mail-in performances in the playoffs like they are the Celtics tanking games to get a higher lottery slot. The NBA would be a lot more interesting if the first two playoff rounds were best-of-five, followed by a best-of-seven for the conference and NBA Finals. That would mean less money through ticket revenue, but at least the teams would have to try hard every night.


The Links

How is it that everybody, other than the Angels coaching staff, knows that Ervin Santana sucks during day games? And you didn't want the Angels to trade him.

The Five Tool Tool is reveling in his fantasy pick of A-Rod.

Sports Dad on a European Vacation.

Fletch reviews of Half Nelson.

Drugging your female party guests is bad, according to the Steroid Nation.

The Sports Hernia chronicles the legend of Amobi Okoye.

AND FINALLY

It is 4:20, brah!

Kevin, from the Kevin and Bean morning show on KROQ, made a great point today in that Matthew McConaughey could win an Oscar, but he will never surpass his role as David Wooderson in Dazed and Confused. Kind of the same way that Sean Penn is still Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Of course, 4/20 coincides with the announcement that three prospects in this year’s draft admitted that they smoked pot, including WR Calvin Johnson. Oh my, college kids smoking pot? Of course, Flash Warner thinks this makes Johnson a slam dunk for the Raiders.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

LIGHT EM UP BITCHES!!!!!!
420!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


GO BRONCOS!!!!

Joe Torre said...

I agree with Tony Dungy's statements on homosexuals

Wooderson said...

The older you get, the more rules they are going to try and get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N.

Cowgirl said...

When I can be TWE girl again?

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

"She looks like a mix between the "runaway bride" and Terry Schiavo."

that's pretty good, dude. pretty, pretay, preetaaay good.

DJR said...

I hope to God that Al Davis adds points based on the weed smoking aspect of Calvin Johnson's game. You have to know how to puff-puff-pass if your on the Silver and Black.

Blonde said...

Danika's ass is sweet, but her face is busted. She has a man face.

On the other hand, Derek Geter makes me puddle in my chair. He is yummy...

420 is right bitches...Blonde bong hits for everyone.

Sun Devil said...

Anonymous, thanks for another great post.

Go Broncos.

NFL Adam said...

CAPPY is a smoker? Anybody see that coming?

NFL Adam said...

Oh, and I swear Blonde, between Gomer Manning and Jeet, I just don't know...

Diane said...

Don't be hatin' Danica just because she has way better eye/hand coordination and faster reaction time than most of the male pro-athletes working today

NFL Adam said...

Wait a minute. She thrives in a sports where the goal is to talk on the phone and drive at the same time? That's just not fair.