Friday, January 05, 2007

The Weak Ender

What has gotten in to Jessica Alba, playing football on the beach? Is the lesson of Robert Edwards already forgotten? What a shame. But what if Alba, like Edwards, tore her knee up playing football on the beach causing her weight to swell? Then she would have to get by on her acting ability, and people, that is just too horrific to think about.

Now some of you might have thought that Jim Lampley's punching bag would have been an obvious choice here. But sometimes (albeit rarely) THN does not do the obvious thing. Besides, it is playoff weekend.

You can find more Alba pictures here.


Nick Saban would have been fired if he led the Dolphins to another losing season. And honestly, that was entirely possible. Would there have been any outcry from the media or casual fans because the Dolphins didn’t honor their contract? Anybody upset that Art Shell was fired?

It is exactly the opposite. Firing coaches is big news and oftentimes, fans relish the new firings. So what’s with the outrage when the coach pulls the plug and walks out? Saban knew as well as anybody that he wasn’t cut out to be an NFL coach and there is no shame in that. A lot of good college coaches can’t make the leap to the NFL. Dolphins fans should be happy that Saban pulled the plug. It beats another season of Saban over promising and under delivering.

  • The popular theory is that Larry Johnson is going to run the ball down the Colts throats on Saturday. Don’t count on it. The Chiefs, whether they kick or receive, will drive down the field on their opening possession and settle for a field goal. But then the Colts will quickly open a 14-point lead and the game will quickly be over. People are failing to realize that nobody dominates the opening round of the playoffs like Peyton Manning. This is his time to shine. Kind of like that high school kid that dominates the junior high kids in basketball, but has problems competing against people his own age. Manning is a first-round nightmare for teams. The second and championship rounds, however, are a little tougher.

  • The Cowboys and Seahawks have the recipe for a high-scoring game. The Seahawks might be starting Kenny Easley in the secondary. And the Cowboys safeties can’t cover anybody. So look for this game to be a 16-9 snooze fest in favor of the Cowboys. Seriously. When the whole world is predicting a shootout, go the other way.

  • The sharks are circling the Patriots franchise looking for an end to the dynasty. And many of them are thinking that the Jets might be the team to knock them off seeing that they won the previous match up. Don’t buy that. Yes, Eric Mangini might be the second coming and the Jets won the last game, but that kind of stuff become irrelevant come playoff time. The fading dynasty always has one last dominating performance left before fading away. The Cowboys had it over the Vikings in 1996 before losing to the Carolina Panthers. So the Patriots will cruise past the Jets in this one. Of course, with an impending Patriots v. Chargers match up looming, this will give the Sports Dork Bill Simpson ample time to run the “Marty Schottenheimer is a choker” joke into the ground. Really, it never gets old.

  • The Giants and Eagles game is a little tougher to handicap because are the Eagles playing on borrowed time? Is Jeff Garcia really that good? Just when you talk yourself into believing the Giants can win, you picture that dopey look on Eli Messiah's face and forget all about it. The Eagles have dominated this series recently, save one game where the Messiah was throwing jump balls that Plaxico Burress was able to jump up and get. So it appears the Giants had their one miracle victory. And really, shouldn’t Tiki Barber end his Hall of Average career with a flameout in the playoffs? Maybe even a couple of fumbles for old-time’s sake.

  • Jake Peavy should have known better. Airport police officers have quicker fuses than home plate umpires. But the main rule is that you don’t show them up.

  • Keep dreaming Raiders fan, you are not getting Jim Mora. Don't even pretend.

Who were the guys who voted against LaDainian Tomlinson in the MVP voting? Fred Hickman? The only explanation for not voting for LT is either you don’t understand the concept of football or you have untreated syphilis.


Chris said...

I think people are more pissed off about Saban being a liar than not honoring his contract. People wouldn't really care all that much except that a week before he said that he was definately not going to coach at Alabama. Frankly, I was hoping that noone would take the Alabama job and then the fans would finally realize that they were so crazy that the only way to get a decent coach there ever again would be to re-animate the corpse of Bear Bryant.

Signal to Noise said...

The Raiders should promote Rob Ryan to head coach if only so we can see more of his grey, flowing mane on the sidelines. He personnifies skeeze among the NFL coaching/coordinator ranks.

Belichick is the hobo, Rob Ryan is the rambling, angry drunk.

Diane said...

and whatever dumb girl Alba is playing catch with can still throw a more accurate pass than Eli

cephyn said...

Well, if Peter King has a vote, he'd be one. He stood by Brees all year. Silly.

DAWUSS said...

The Raiders should take the elder Jim Mora, if nothing more than for entertaining press conferences.

"Well, the Chiefs just kicked our ass. Uh, you know, I don't how much more perfectly you can state it."

Anyway, what about THN figure of the year? Wasn't that supposed to have been in on the 31st?

NFL Adam said...

I think people are more pissed off about Saban being a liar than not honoring his contract.

Yeah, but as MJD pointed out, Jim Mora was honest about his interest in Washington and he got fired in Atlanta about it.


The THN Sports Figure of the Year was going to be 12/31, or whenever we got around to it. I was kind of holding out hope that Eli Messiah would make a push. But yeah, we need to do that, huh?

Chris said...

But all he would really have to say is that, "I'm not even in a position to think about that right now, I'm concentrating on my team." and then not talked to the press after that.

twin_daddy said...

Jeff Garcia will be schooling Eli Manning on Sunday, showing how a real QB with playoff and MVP experience gets it done. I hope he does some gay, little dance on the sidelines after his 3rd TD pass and the game in the bag just so we can all see Jeremy Shokey get his homophobic knickers in a twist.

I have a feeling that Peyton Manning is going to have a record day (TD & Yds) against the Chiefs tomorrow. That racist, Larry Johnson had better participated in pass blocking drills this week, because that's what he's going to be doing all day tomorrow since the Chiefs will be utilizing the "Down By 3 TD's" Offense.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

adam, the thing about the colts opening up a big lead rendering LJ pretty much useless is like an actual good point.

good job, Friend. you've done something nobody in traditional media has yet to do.

NFL Adam said...

The blind nut finds a squirrel every once in a while, Zach.