Thursday, January 11, 2007

THN Sports Figure of the Year

Nobody in the history of the internet has garnered as much notoriety for as little discernable talent than the Cowgirl. Well, maybe the Sorts Dork, But did he ever render Brent Lushberger speechless while strutting around in a bra at a football game? More than once?

That is what makes Cowgirl so special and that is why she is THN's Sports Figure of the Year.

Cowgirl is a glowing example for strippers the young women in America. No matter how hard you work, how talented you are, or how smart you are, the chick with the fake rack always wins. Unless you are Andrea Kramer. (Somebody explain that.)

But no, Cowgirl represents what it right with America. The only question is when she will make the inevitable track back to the middle so Matt Leinart can date her.

THN tried to contact Cowgirl, but then something donned on us—what is her name? Seriously. Anybody know? So Zach from The Big Picture, probably the net,s foremost authority on Cowgirl, was asked to step in and deliver the address as Cowgirl. Zach, take it away.

Wow! I just don't know what to say. I'm overwhelmed! Wow!

Thank you all for voting for us (looking down at breasts). It's a wonderful accomplishment being The Hater Nation Sports Figure of the Year.

It's so funny. I don't even play sports! (Laugh track). But ever since Brent Musburger recognized me and my friends at a Florida State football game (GOOOO NOLES!!!), I've become the symbol of Florida State football. Not Lorenzo Booker, not Bobby Bowden, certainly not Drew Weatherford. Me. And my friends (again, grabbing breasts). We're the symbol of FSU football (GOOO NOLES!!!!) and now THN is recognizing me for my achievements...

So many people I'd like to thank:

-NFL Adam. Couldn't have done this without you. (Blows a kiss).
-My doctor (giggles).
-Chrystal and Fabi. What's better than one cowgirl? Three!
-THN readers and voters. I couldn't have done this without you.
-My parents, my siblings, my friends. You've been there with me through the hardships of fame.
-All the sports bloggers out there. You've help me gain even more attention.
-And finally, the Academy. You've been great.

Thank you all for voting me The Hater Nation Sports Figure of the Year!
I'm soooo happy! I'm going to go write an article now for SIOC.

OK, bye!

19 comments:

Signal to Noise said...

What, no shout-out to the plastic surgeon?

(The verification was "domets" -- feels appropriate.)

benny said...

I just hurled and swallowed it back and that's more pleasurable than looking at her and her fake rack.

Zach, invite me to the wedding though!

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

oh Signal...check the second thank-you...there's always a mention of her favorite doc.

twins15 said...

The award couldn't have gone to a better person. *sobs*

DAWUSS said...

I'm sure Peyton and The Bish are demanding a recount of the votes, lol

Anonymous said...

I want my vote back.

Diane said...

What is she, a 7th year senior by now? Seriously though - if the THN wants to promote T&A (and why not), randomly select any cheerleader from USC, UCLA, or SDSU, and she will be way better looking . . . I'm missing the Cowgirl's appeal, but then I'm not the target audience

Signal to Noise said...

Ah. That's what I get for scanning before heading to work.

Jeff Garcia said...

I love it when we turn up the hetero!

DAWUSS said...

"Seriously though - if the THN wants to promote T&A (and why not), randomly select any cheerleader from USC, UCLA, or SDSU, and she will be way better looking . . ."

Yeah but IMO USC's cheer-babe outfits are terrible (from what I've seen)... They should use NFL-style outfits first.


And IMO Cowgirl's more of a "let's be friends" hot than a "let's have sex" hot.

George Michael said...

I think she's more of a "let's go in the mens room and watch each other pee" hot.

Anonymous said...

she's a more like a put some tape over her mouth, then do your thang hot.

The Universal Cynic said...

Love the trio picture. Sterger looks as if someone just asked her for the answer to 8 times 6.

Tom Brady said...

She's more like a "let's pour some flavored coffee, curl up on the couch, and look at our yearbooks" kind of hot.

Anonymous said...

I think in that lower picture, she proved she could never have Ed Hochuli's job...

NFL Adam said...

Make all of the jokes that you want, but you guys voted for her. By an overwhelming margin, too.

I had great bits worked up for either the Bish or Eli Messiah, but the fans voted for Cowgirl.

Peralta said...

If you think shes nasty, you must be gay. Or Tony parker.

Siegfried said...

I think she's "let's see if Roy's new face works as good as the old one" hot!

Seitz said...

Don't blame me, I voted for the Bish.