Monday, January 22, 2007

The Post Mortem

Who is the happiest guy in America today? Gomer Manning? Tony Dungy? Adam Vinatieri? Nope, nope, nope. The happiest guy in America is…

Eli Messiah.

Really. Eli is 60 minutes of football away from walking away from the game forever. Sixty minutes away from singing as much karaoke as he would like to. Archie Manning is the biggest soccer mom in the country, living vicariously through his sons. And as soon as Gomer delivers a Super Bowl title to his dad's losing (donkey), Eli is free to go pursue a career on Broadway. Do you actually think that Cooper Manning couldn’t have rehabbed from his injury? Please. Cooper saw an easy way out and took it.

If Peyton wins a Super Bowl, look for Eli to have some sort of career-ending injury next year. You heard it hear first. (And that means that Sam Rubenstein is the hugest Colts fan right now.)


You have to give credit to Manning for staging such as epic comeback. Really. You could complain about the fictitious pass interference call against "the sorriest corner in the league" that led to a touchdown. You could complain about the blatant pass interference that wasn't called when Reche Caldwell was tackled in the end zone, forcing New England to take a field goal. And no, it serves no purpose to talk about the conjured roughing-the-passer penalty (after the Patriots defender was held on the play). Nope, Gomer deserves some credit for leading the Colts back to victory. Honestly, many of you likely thought the Colts were done following that interception run back. So does this change the perception of Manning and Tony Dungy as losers?

No. It was a nice win, but it came against the worst Patriots team of the decade. This game was like beating Muhammad Ali in a boxing match today. There are some bragging rights there, maybe. But nobody is really that impressed. Besides, this great win will be forgotten if he chokes in the Super Bowl.


If Manning wins the Super Bowl, he will vault past Tom Brady as the top quarterback of this generation. You don't think so? Alright, who was the top quarterback of the 1990s? Steve Young? John Elway?

Sure, but who had the most Super Bowl wins? Troy Aikman. But many discount Aikman because of the great Cowboys teams that included Emmitt Smith. The same thing will happen to Brady once Gomer wins a Super Bowl. Don't bother leaving comments that argue this point. You are preaching to the choir. What Aikman had better talent. Than the 49ers? Bah. Aikman won with Barry Switzer proving that he was the best quarterback of the 1990s. Just as Brady is the best quarterback of this generation. But one Super Bowl somehow is better than three, so get ready for it.

Hey, don't shoot the messenger.


The common theme over the next two weeks will be that Rex Grossman can't out-duel Gomer. And maybe that would be true if this was an NFL QB skills competition. But the truth is that Grossman is the perfect QB to win a Super Bowl like Trent Dilfer, Brad Johnson and Ben Roethlisberger. But don't worry, the key will be Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson. The Patriots showed that you could run on the Colts with three average running backs.

  • The only consolation will be the upcoming endless backpedaling from the Sports Dork Bill Simpson who shamelessly stole the "Hater Nation" mark for his Friday column. (Female dog.)
  • Where the hell is Guns Hochuli? The playoffs have been terrible without him.
  • The fact that we have heard the last out of Joe Buck until the World Series is wonderful. Lil' Hater might be the happiest guy in America right now.
  • The Colts are early seven-point favorites. Does that line seem odd to anybody else? Look for that line to jump to at least nine or 10 points.
  • The media doesn't seem to be harping on the Patriots choke job enough. They are too busy congratulating Manning to point out that the Patriots folded like, well, the Colts.
  • Gomer seemed to injure this thumb during the AFC Championship Game. Wouldn't it be fitting if Gomer couldn’t go for the Colts in the Super Bowl and Jim Sorgi came off the bench to lead the Colts to victory? What is Tee Martin up to?
  • What an amazing run by Reggie Bush. Not so much the moves, but that he didn't try to pitch it off to a teammate.
  • It was hard to watch Sean Payton's press conference as he was obviously flooded with emotion.


Fans of class coaches area already winners as you probably can’t find a better pair than Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith. But you know what? Who cares how classy a coach is. But that's just (expletive). Are you trying to say that Lovie Smith isn't classy? It's like Clint Eastwood says in that one movie (not Heartbreak Ridge), "Deserves got noting to do with it." Sports isn't about nice guys winning titles, it is about the most talented winning the game.

Having perennial losers continue to lose is something that makes sports great. Having guys like Dan Marino, Karl Malone and Don Mattingly never win championships is one of the greatest things to ever happen to sports. And likewise, having Steve Young and the Boston Red Sox win titles is one of the worst things to ever happen to the world. So here is hoping that Gomer and Dungy never get that title. But it just seems like a forgone conclusion.


DAWUSS said...

I wonder how long it will be for Eli to get the playoff monkey off his back...

Also, IIRC SB XLII will be on FOX, meaning Joe Buck may get to call that game, and let's just imagine if the Giants made it... yeah...

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, I hear a lot of envy in here. Maybe Eli was right about not wanting to go to SD. Afterall, Charges can't close. Havent't yet even in a gimmie against the Pats. Peyton got the monkey off his back. All great players do sooner or later.

Conrad Bain said...

Having perennial losers continue to lose is something that makes sports great.

No shit, Chargerfan.

Seitz said...

Gomer seemed to injure this thumb during the AFC Championship Game.

Totally fabricated. You know he just said that to Sorgi for the cameras. He wanted to be all Mr. "get hurt then direct the game winning drive". It was about as authentic as a diving catch from Jim Edmonds.

ShannahansWrinkles said...

Having perennial losers continue to lose is something that makes sports great.

You ARE a San Diego fan, right?

teddy c said...

of all the things you discussed regarding championship weekend, i am surprised that chris daughtry's singing of the national anthem before the nfc game was not touched upon.

while he was singing (wearing what seemed to be 3 scarfs), i remember thinking to myself, 'wow, this is a pretty decent version. maybe he isn't such a pussy after all.' and then it happened: a single tear streamed over his ridiculous sideburns while singing the last line.

im surprised he didn't turn around and blow the color guard while he was at it.

teddy c said...

just found the video on youtube. the tear happens at the 1:55 mark.

DAWUSS said...

I also heard some Bears fans flipped off the camera...

Can anyone confirm that?

Blonde said...

i love peyton.....

NFL Adam said...

Peyton got the monkey off his back. All great players do sooner or later.

Dan Marino? Fran Tarkington?

Doesn't Peyton still have to win the Super Bowl though, or all we all just giving this thing to the Colts right now?

DAWUSS said...

I know the media is...

Anonymous said...

Another Bengal got arrested again

Conrad Bain said...

So what if the media is giving the Colts the trophy? If you hate the Colts, you should be doing handsprings that the media loves them. Wasn't it only after the media turned their backs on Indy that they started winning again?

If the media picked the winners, this year's Super Bowl would be the Steelers vs. the Seahawks.

If the media picked the winners, the Chargers would have been awarded the trophy five weeks ago.

If the media picked the winners, Bill Callahan would have a ring and still be coaching in the NFL.

NFL Adam said...

You are a wise old man.