Friday, December 22, 2006

The Weak Ender

Is there anything more depressing than looking up at the television and realizing that you forgot to bet against Oregon in it's bowl game? Just painful. Here is the plan for next year. Start an online betting account. Conservatively build up a nest egg. And then put the entire account balance on Oregon's bowl opponent to cover.

Nice helmets, too. At least they haven’t screwed up the cheerleaders uniforms yet.


If you wonder why Joe Buck and Peter King are trying to put Tiki Barber into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, just watch Almost Famous. Buck and King likely grew up like the lead character William Miller, who was based on Cameron Crowe. The lesson in the movie, and something Crowe obviously learned, is that musicians will try to make you feel cool so you will write good things about them. It's only natural.

As Lester Bangs (Philip Seymour Hoffman) said: Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong. They make you feel cool. And hey. I met you. You are not cool.

The Miller character in the movie learns this lesson. Buck and King have not. (Having met King, it's true, he's not cool.)

Because Barber is cool to them, and because he makes the out-of-shape reporters feel like they belong, the two feel like they owe it to Tiki to put him in the Hall of Fame. Honestly, if Tiki acted like Barry Bonds towards these guys, there would be no such discussion for the Hall of Fame.

That should be a lesson to the young superstars out there. Be cool to the media, and they will make your average career seem better.

  • Do you think Tiki has ever stood on top of a house and yelled, "I am a Golden God?"

  • It’s also odd that New York fans arent more upset by this Barber for the Hall of Fame nonsense. Can you say that Tiki has had a better career than, say, Otis Anderson? You know, the guy who actually led the Giants to a Super Bowl. The Super Bowl MVP Otis Anderson. New York fans should care more about this.

  • Is this a big game for Philip Rivers? He's sandwiched two good games (at Buffalo, Denver) around two dreadful games (Oakland and Kansas City). But the perception is that he is starting to slip. The only way to answer those questions is to go out and perform. A bad game at Seattle would certainly raise the alarm. And one bad game is enough to derail your career. Just ask Ryan Leaf.

  • The real reason Oregon lost? Ryan Leaf was on the sidelines.

  • Tom Brady lost his girlfriend last week, and was snubbed for the Pro Bowl this week. You can imagine Drew Bledsoe crank calling Brady at all hours, screaming, "How does that feel, (expletive)?"

  • If the Chargers defeat Seattle, and San Francisco wins, the 49ers could conceivably win the NFC West at 8-8. Normally, the 49ers lead the second level of hate for THN, but there would be something cool about an 8-8 team making the playoffs. Not as cool as, say, a 6-10 team making the playoffs. But you have to start somewhere.

  • Terrell Owens did not get suspended for spitting on DeAngelo Hall. Did Opie Goodell consider ratings as T.O. would have missed the upcoming Cowboys and Eagles game on Christmas? Listen, the NFL would never consider television in any of its decisions. That is just preposterous to even think it.

    Hey, did you know that last night's game could have been Favre’s last at Lambeau Field?

  • Jeff Garcia is going to lead the Eagles to a victory on Christmas. Hey, doesn't anybody remember the Tony Romo era in Dallas? It didn't even last as long as the Steve Pelleur era.

  • Since it's Festivus, be sure to check out The Airing of Grievances. If you need another link as you mail in your final hours at work, check out the photos of Miss Nevada here. Between her an Miss USA, Donald Trump has one pretty cool contest going.


It looks like Andy Schefter will shame the Raiders into keeping Art Shell around. And for that, he should be commended. The Raiders indicated that Schefter was Mike Shanahan's buddy and was just spreading anti-Raider garbage. Now it's not hard to imagine that Al Davis will keep Shell around just to spite Schefter.

But if Schefter really is anti-Raiders (and who isn't?), then he could have purposely floated this rumor because he knew that Davis would react like this and then be forced to keep Shell in order to make Schefter look stupid. Wow, that was genius.


DAWUSS said...

The Rams also are getting blacked out for the first time in forver.

NFL Adam said...


Joe Buck said...

Those pictures of Miss Nevada are disgusting. What a vile display and I appologize to all of America for having seen that. Or maybe the 20 losers that actually come to this site.

As for your other assertion, I am fucking cool. I'm Joe Fucking Buck. Morning Show God! I am so fucking good, they had to move the morning show to accomodate me. Joe Fucking Buck. So get your shit together before posting this nonsense.

Adam Schefter said...

Please get my name right

Minor-League Town said...

When Schefter is on NFL Network, standing next to Marshall Faulk and Rod Woodson, Schefter looks like a midget. And Faulk and Woodson aren't huge guys.

Anonymous said...

Relating all HOF voting, not just Tiki, to that part of Almost Famous is brilliant. Excellent post.

Conrad Bain said...

Did SD play Buffalo twice? They must have, because in the game I watched, SD survived a 3-point nail-biter after Rivers was completely shut down in the second half. Were it not for two calls that were so obviously gift-wrapped that even the SD homer announcers (one of whom gave the game to SD with 3:45 remaining) were groaning about them, the Bills win.

Call me a homo and a retard and whatever else pleases you, here are the facts: 1) The Chargers' fate rests completely on LT's legs. B) Without him Phillip Rivers is dog food. III) One snapped ankle and the Chargers Chariot reverts to a pumpkin full of rats.

NFL Adam said...

Maybe it's a question of semantics. Rivers passer rating for that game was 84.1, he had one touchdown, no interceptions and completed more than 50 percent of his passes.

He did lose three fumbles, which seemed to be a break down on the offensive line.

Good game or bad game? Eyes of the beer holder, I suppose.

I also agree with you agreeing with THN's position that LT is the MVP of the season. This is without question. I think you would be hard pressed to find an argument except for the most ardent of Michael Turner fans.

Anonymous said...

Conrad Bain is a homotard.

Conrad Bain said...

Yep, LT is the MVP. Not even debatable.