Monday, December 11, 2006

The Post Mortem

The Chargers are your division champions, LT sets the single-season touchdown mark, but first (expletive) the Panthers. Has there ever been a more befuddling team than the Carolina Panthers? This team has seemed cursed ever since it lost the Super Bowl to the Patriots. Each season after that, the Panthers are tabbed to be the NFC representative in the Super Bowl and ever year it’s a bigger letdown than an Iron Maiden concert.

The Panthers are now just one big slump buster for the rest of the NFC. They are like an overweight chick sitting at the end of the bar in a halter-top, fishnet stockings and wearing too much makeup. (No, not that girl in the picture, her friend.) Philadelphia and New York have gotten back into the playoff race by getting a piece of that action. Thanks a lot Carolina. Now Eli Messiah is walking around with that goofy grin, again.

CHARGERS WIN THE WEST

The Chargers also control their own destiny for home field advantage, too. But brace yourself for the upcoming weeks. You are going to hear a lot about Marty Schottenheimer's failures in the playoffs. It is inevitable. And it’s fair, too. Everybody from Peyton Manning to Dan Marino are scrutinized for their playoff failures. So Marty is no different. But this feels much different from your typical Marty Schottenheimer-led team. Trick plays and running up the score is what Martyball is all about.

Seriously, didn't that game seem close for like a minute? Like a lot closer than that Michigan v. Ohio State game. But you couldn’t make it through one beer before the Chargers went from a somewhat close game to a four-touchdown advantage.

This is going to be Marty’' best chance to rid himself of those playoff ghosts. He has never had a running back like LaDainian Tomlinson and Philip Rivers is much better than a lot of people (us included) could have anticipated.

  • Great job, LT, in breaking that record. But you couldn’t wait another week so THN could have been there live to capture it?


  • Is there a lonelier place right now than the Dallas Cowboys bandwagon? What a fraud. A Super Bowl contender a week ago, now its grasp on the NFC East title is in jeopardy. Unbelievable. It is also time to start giving Drew Brees some credit. Letting Brees walk away was the right thing to do for San Diego. You never got the feeling that Brees was the guy who was going to take your team to the title. That perception is starting to change. Of course, whispers about a Chargers/Saints Super Bowl will heat up. Don't fall for it. Not with the way NFC teams jockey for position. You would be better served just to pull a name out of a hat. Oh wait, this one says “CAROLINA,” never mind.


  • Bummer for all of you that had a Lance Alworth Cowboys jersey. You won't get much use out of it now.


  • Of the three quarterbacks the Chargers have had over the past couple of years, who would you rather have: Rivers, Brees or Messiah? Messiah would definitely be the last one on the list.


  • Longtime producer Bob Daly passed away recently, and Joe Buck was waxing poetically while the camera was focused on some clouds. But what if the guy went to hell? Like, if he was a bad dude, would they have shown a BBQ pit or something?


  • How will you remember the Patriots dynasty? Because it is done. Buck could have eulogized that while he was at it. It serves New England right. Their dynasty was similar to the 1990s Cowboys, where they just felt that if they kept Tom Brady there, it would be enough. But role players are important, too. As New England is finding out.

    Pats fans pointed out that, unlike the Cowboys, the Patriots didn’t fire their coach. That’s true, but it seems like Bill Belichick is doing a mighty fine Barry Switzer impersonation. If Belichick is the genius that everybody believes he is, he will hopefully see the value in keeping some of these role players and realize that Brady needs to be surrounded by talent.


AND FINALLY

Why can't FOX switch from a blowout to a competitive game? (Yes, get a dish.) The suspicion is that Joe Buck would probably throw the biggest female-dog fit if they ever switched out of one of his games. It is likely in his contract or something. And if you don’t want to switch, that’s cool. But don’t taunt the audience.

"Wow, the Eagles and Redskins are having the game of the century right now, but we won’t switch to that because I’m Joe EXPLETIVE Buck.”

Go to hell, Joe Buck.

29 comments:

Eddie Hunter said...

Iron Maiden Rulez!! \m/ \m/ Now, fukk off!!

DAWUSS said...

Is Joe Buck announcing the NC game between OSU and UF?

Diane said...

I've seen that girl at Taco Surf, and no, I wasn't looking in a mirror. I keep waiting for the Chargers teams of the past to emerge, but they look more impressive every week. And no one in the league has more class than LT.

Tommy Tuck Rule said...

Wow, i thought THN's office was closed today. Or at least the everyone was out of the office.

Steve_Grogan said...

well I think you will find quite a few "role players" on IR. Not an excuse, injuries are part of the game , but most of the players they brought in for depth/special teams are on IR. Shit happens.

you're right though, they need better WR's

Anonymous said...

POST MORTEM! POST MORTEM!
POST MORTEM! POST MORTEM!
POST MORTEM! POST MORTEM!
POST MORTEM! POST MORTEM!

Anonymous said...

FUCK THE CHARGERS. THEY WILL CHOKE. BET ON IT.

Conrad Bain said...

Let's see. Who have the Chargers beat?

Oakland (barely) thanks to the Mystery Pass.
Bills (barely) thanks to more creative officiating.
Denver, who were overrated and never a contender to begin with.

Adam, your original assessment off the AFC West as being the weakest div in the conference might turn out to be spot-on. Don't let go of it yet. There are at least seven teams in the AFC who could beat SD (and in all honesty we have to include Oakland.) Course, that's assuming we don't see more magical passes.

Ed said...

I don't understand these people who take one bad day against Oakland (which, by the way, the Chargers still won by a full touchdown despite not having Castillo and McCree around, two of their most important defensive players, oh, and this guy named Merriman who's one of the best young players in the league, and Keenan McCardell, their most reliable wideout (do you think the so called mystery pass would have gone to Jackson in the first place if Keenan was around?)) and claim it proves the Chargers aren't as good as we think.

So they decided to take a week off against Oakland, so what? Would you bother going all out against the Raiders? I sure wouldn't.

I also enjoy the comment about them barely beating the Bills, since were it not for Kiel stumbling on his own two feet and fumbling a Losman interception, on third and 22, the Chargers win that game by 10. Wow, the Bills got it within seven with no timeouts and thirty seconds on the clock, we sure were nervous!

Let me guess, you also thought OSU barely beat Michigan. What a retard.

NFL Adam said...

You could pretty much look at any NFL schedule and say that it is an easy schedule because there are only like three good teams.

Anonymous said...

Please delete the above comment from Ed as it violates THN's No Namecalling Policy.

Kyle Orton said...

The name calling rule is lifted? Cool!
You're a whore, Diane!

Diane said...

wtf did I do now?

NFL Adam said...

Why don't you sign in anymore, Big O?

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

yeah! fuck joe buck! everybody, join in: Fuck Joe Fuck! Fuck Joe Buck! Fuck Joe Fuck!

(joe buck is a filthy, no-good daddy's boy. he likes little boys. sexually.)

Scott said...

What happens if the Chargers meet the Colts in the championship game and either Peyton or Marty HAS to win? Seriously... I'm kind of scared.

Conrad Bain said...

You could pretty much look at any NFL schedule and say that it is an easy schedule because there are only like three good teams.

Coming from someone who wrote off Rivers, the Chargers, and the division they just won based on a preseason game with the Bears, this is good.

Say, when you're on the toilet today, pull your bag aside and ask "Ed" if he'd like to step out from the shadow of those veritable jelly beans long enough to put a wager on the Rose Bowl.

NFL Adam said...

Bain, did you get into Willis' supply? THN wrote off the Chargers because they were too conservative and Peter King picked them. That game against Baltimore seemed like perfect Martyball. But the team has made adjustments and is now on the top of the NFL. Hey, the Chargers are better than we thought they were going to be. I'm not going to be upset about that.

Do you think we are Merrill Hodge?

Anonymous said...

"The rest of the AFC West (besides Denver) is going to be terrible this year. Phillip Rivers was awful against the Bears."

-- NFL Adam 8/21/06

NFL Adam said...

Yeah, I was wrong about Philip Rivers and now the Chargers are the best team in the AFC. I'm trying to be upset about this, I really am.

Peter King said...

Hey! You just said you wrote them off because I picked them!

NFL Adam said...

Seriously, totally broken up about it.

Eddie the Crouton said...

My hero! Get him, Adam!

Eddie Guns said...

I hope you are not talking about me or my guns.

Ed said...

Actually, I still like Michigan in the Rose Bowl. If you're an SC man and would like to wager, let's do it up.

Also, I withdraw calling you a retard.

Conrad Bain said...

Strange. You know my take on the Michigan?OSU game, but you claim to think I'd bet on SC? I'm begining to think that finding any of the Trojan wannabees around here who'll put his money where his gibbering gob is might be as difficult as finding a playoff contender on the Chargers' schedule.

Go ahead and call me a retard. The description fits and, besides, it was the only part of your post that made any sense. I only dropped by to run a test on the local SoCal Affirmative Action laws, and I'm happy to report this place is as safe as they come.

NFL Adam said...

Whatever happened to Ed?

Ed said...

Still here! I decided it wasn't worth getting into an argument about why San Diego is going to walk to the Super Bowl with just another disgruntled Denver fan.

Plus I didn't actually know his take on the Michigan game, I just extrapolated it based on stupid comments about the lack of authority in Chargers wins. I'm no SC booster... I'm Canadian.

Richard Cranium said...

Iron Maiden was as big of a disappointment as the Angels last season. It was more fun getting drunk in the parking lot and watching people get busted than actually hearing the first 12 songs of the concert. And would Tommy Lee please shut the f up. He ruined The Crue's concert.

Adam, I'm taking another month off of your post. I didn't know you let Canadians on here. The only Canadian that I respect is GSP. Thanks for hockey, now shut up.

The Chargers would d-e-s-t-r-o-y the Raiders if they played today. Hands down. If you want to look smart, and this goes for everybody with the ability to talk, write, or type, quit saying the Raiders should have won that game or they would have a shot. And I'm a Raider fan. DEAL WITH IT, BOOOOOOYYYYY!