Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Free The Bengals

Why does everybody give the Bengals such a hard time for having so many off-the-field troubles? ESPN, Joe Buck and the rest of the morality police continue to look down their noses at the Bengals. Even going so far to call them an embarrassment.

You want to know what was a real embarrassment?

When the Bengals were 4-12 every year during the 1990s. Monday was the first time anybody had ever looked forward to a Bengals game since Super Bowl 23. Who cares if they are getting arrested at a clip typically reserved for Raiders fan, they are relevant again. Well, until last night, at least. Still, let the Bengals have their fun as be it driving drunk or brandishing weapons. And let Chad Johnson wear whatever footwear he wants. Seriously.

What was more surprising to you last night, that Johnson was fined for his footwear or that Merton Hanks was the compliance officer? Yes, the same Merton Hanks who was fined every week because his neck was too long. The guy who couldn’t wear a turtle necks, so they forced him to wrap himself with a cutoff tube sock. The guy who had the worst end zone celebration in NFL history is now a compliance officer. That makes about as much sense as having Bill Romanowski investigate the Terrell Owens spitting incident.


WHAT IS up with Steve Young's hair? He looks like Jerry Seinfeld in the low-flow showerhead episode. Are Mormons forbidden to use hair gel, too? At least he is better than Chris Berman, who looks like Grandpa Munster after a (expletive) experiment.

WHY DOES Tony Maizheiser think that America is clamoring to see Peyton Manning win a Super Bowl? Nobody out of Indianapolis or Tennessee really cares. In fact, most people are likely so sick of Manning, they hope that he never wins. Do you think New England fans want to see a Manning Super Bowl? Probably not.

In fact, there is nothing greater than seeing a high-statistical quarterback never win a Super Bowl. If for nothing else, it really pains guys like John Madden, Buck, Berman, et al, who are openly rooting for these guys to win the big one. (Although, Buck has hitched his wagon to the wrong Manning.) They all cry, "Oh, this quarterback deserves to win a Super Bowl." Really? You know who deserves to win a Super Bowl? The quarterback that actually wins the game. Winning Super Bowls are tough to do. That is why they are held in high regard. If they gave out a Super Bowl to every Tom, Dick and Marino, it wouldn't mean as much.

Did Dan Fouts deserve to win a Super Bowl? No. Otherwise he would have. He might have more passing yards than Ken Stabler, but look who has the Super Bowl ring. So it is time to put away this notion that quarterbacks deserve to win. Deserve has nothing to do with it.

14 comments:

Richard Cranium said...

Fining Chad Johnson is as lame of a decision as giving Dick Vermeil a chance to announce Thursdays game. I've never enjoyed hearing my wife talk about Bradjolina so much. That's who Compliance Officer Hanks should have fined. Dick, the producer, and the entire NFL channel.

Eddie Guns said...

The NFL is about law-and-order. If there is one thing Eddie Guns won't stand for, it is somebody altering their uniform.

Jeff Hostetler said...

Me > Marino. Suck it, Skinny.

Cameron "Mary" Diaz said...

Yeah, Green Bay is so out of contention i'm glad we don't have to hear Berman and whomever say how they'd like to see Favre get back to the Super Bowl. He got there twice and won one. We don't need to root for favre anymore! He has had enough rooting. I don't care if his sister catches ebola, his mother has a crawfish eating accident and his daughter fails math class all in one week. I am done rooting for Favre. Hell, he was nice to my retarded brother and still couldn't close me, never mind close a game.

Jeff George said...

Did Dan Pastorini deserve to win a Super Bowl? NO! Did Vince Evans deserve to win a Super Bowl? NO! Did Steve Beurlein deserve to win a Super Bowl? Well... Maybe... Holding a clipboard... Did Jay Schroeder deserve to win a Super Bowl?! NO! NO!! NO!!!

Doug Williams said...

I made sure that Jay Schroeder didn't win a Super Bowl.

West Side Slant said...

Satan made sure Trent Dilfer DID.

NFL Adam said...

It was him or Kerry Collins.

Diane said...

The other question I have is who told the broadcasters' association that the whole country thinks of Archie Manning as some sort of cuddly, national treasure?

DAWUSS said...

Wait - wasn't there a former Steeler who paid a $50 weekly fine for his cleats?

Anonymous said...

Ed Luther deserved a Super Bowl title.

Steve Grogan said...

I deserved to win a Super Bowl but that little shit Jim McMahon got it instead. Hell, I even played in that Super Bowl with my throwing arm as limp as Buddy Ryan's dick.

DAWUSS said...

BTW, I live in Indy (as I have for a greater part of my life) and I don't wanna' see Peyton play in a Super Bowl... This guy gets even more attention here on the local level to add to all the drooling ESPN likes to do... And about every 5th commercial features that man. Very annoying when you're not a Lucky Charms fan

Chuck Noll said...

That Steeler was L.C. Greenwood. Fined every week for wearing gold cleats.