Friday, November 10, 2006

The Weak Ender

Critics suggest that golfers and NASCAR drivers are not real athletes, but they sure marry like they are. Jeff Gordon finally made an honest woman out of Ingrid Vandebosch, as the couple was wed in Mexico recently.

Gordon, you may remember, dumped the woman that stood by his side while he struggled in the dirt tracks in California and bagged himself a model.

NASCAR drivers might be real athletes after all.


What the hell happened to the Cincinnati Bengals? A preseason favorite, the Bengals have managed to tread water this season as players have spent more time in the court room than the end zone. Chad Johnson is pointing fingers. Carson Palmer looks dazed at times. And the defense has just looked awful. It appears that Marvin Lewis is running a renegade operation that makes the University of Miami seem regimented. That could only mean one thing:

The Bengals will beat the Chargers on Sunday.

The Chargers look like an obvious runaway in Sunday’s game. For everything that has gone wrong with the Bengals this season, fortune has smiled on the Chargers. Except, of course, for that whole Shawne Merriman steroid deal. So the Chargers rolling in at 6-2 seem like a lock, right? Wrong.

One common thread in the NFL dictates that decent teams facing elimination will win at home. It never fails. Just when you are ready to count a team out, they come out of nowhere to win a game that they shouldn’t. But don’t get fooled into thinking the Steelers will beat New Orleans. Pittsburgh is done this season. Joey Porter can guarantee a victory; but he also once guaranteed that his dogs wouldn’t kill a miniature pony, too. And how did that turn out?

  • Welcome to the party, San Francisco. Looks like your city will lose its football team, too, as owner John York announced that he was moving the club to Santa Clarita. Not that it is as bad as the NFL folding the Rams and awarding an expansion team to St. Louis with the same name, owner, players and logos, but it is close. York said that the team will still be named "San Francisco." Heard that one. In a few years, they will be known as the San Francisco 49ers of Santa Clarita.
  • The Raiders offensive line is so porous, they should be renamed the U.S. Border Patrol.
  • The Bills and Colts meet this weekend. Do you think that Peyton Manning will look over at the Bills sideline during the game and think back to the four Super Bowls that the team choked in the early 1990s? At that point, Manning will likely realize that he has a whole lot of choking to do before he can ever reach Jim Kelly status.
  •'s Andy Schefter does not believe that. The Bish may be retiring, so thankfully Schefter is picking up the mantle as one of the most generic and least-through provoking columnist. It must be payday because Schefter was really going to town on Manning for the second consecutive week.

    Manning is going to win a Super Bowl, maybe as soon as this season, and he probably winds up winning a couple before he's through.

    It doesn't matter if his team's run defense is one of the weakest in NFL history. Manning's will to win is far greater than any weakness his team has.

    You heard it here first, people. Manning is the only person who wants to win a Super Bowl. Philip Rivers, Mike Vick, Tom Brady…none of them care. It’s understandable that columnists for are supposed to do some cheerleading, but even this is obscene.
  • Oh no, made the mistake of reading more of Schefter’s column. Be advised, this next passage might make you ill.

    But Manning is too thorough, too prepared and too meticulous to be denied the world championship trophy that, until now, has eluded one of football's royal families. And if Peyton can't get it for them, maybe Eli can.
  • The Falcons defense is trying to rebound from an embarrassing loss last week. Not, it was the Lions upset victory, it was the fact that Jon Kitna nearly beat the crap out of Michael Boley during an in-game fight. Boley must have had fun in film study this week.
  • Anybody else find it interesting that Jerramy Stevens was fined $15K for groin-butting Tyler Brayton’s knee?
  • Donovan McNabb said that he was not a stat guy, instead he was only concerned about winning. A winner? McNabb is such a loser, Britney Spears is planning on marrying him.
  • How do you ensure a Super Bowl season with Trent Green as your quarterback? You get him injured. Green missed the 1999 season with St. Louis and was replaced by Kurt Warner who led the team to a Super Bowl victory. Now the Chiefs are trying to regain that magic with Damon Huard. Herman Edwards is a genius. The Cowboys are doing the same thing, replacing Drew Bledsoe with a young quarterback in Tony Romo. Like Brady, the girls find Romo dreamy. Put your money on the Chiefs and the Cowboys meeting in the Super Bowl.
  • NBC flexed its muscle by switching the Bears and Giants tilt to Sunday night. Good thing too, the Manning family does not get enough exposure in prime time. And who were the ad wizards that wanted to put the Raiders in prime time three times this season. The Raiders have averaged one point per game in their three prime time appearances. Not surprisingly, last week’s game was the lowest rated MNF game, like, ever.
  • Remember when everybody was outraged that Brad Johnson was one of the lowest paid quarterbacks in the NFL? Don’t worry, nobody else does either. Johnson has committed six turnovers in the past two games. Things have gotten so bad, coach Ray Childress suggested that Johnson take some time off this week and go for a boat ride or something.
  • The relationship between Jets coach Eric Mangini and Bill Belichick appears to be strained after the two argued over the true owner of a lucky hooded sweatshirt. Belichick seems intent in following in mentor Bill Parcells’ footsteps by being a total (expletive) to his protégé. Can a “BRO” be far behind?

Leave it to Rutgers to really muck up the BCS which will now allow a one-loss team into the BCS title game. Because you know that Boise State and Rutgers have no chance of being allowed to play for the national championship. USC looks like they are in the best position if they can win out. Even-money says that Boise State will play Rutgers in a BCS bowl as it won’t allow either team a chance to beat a BCS-conference team.

The critics are going to hammer the Big East today, but Rutgers showed just how tough this conference can be. We will get our answers soon, just now in the BCS title game.


The Hatriot said...

Fine. Whatever. Just tell us, are the Plowboys going to make it back to the Glory Hole? If they do, the first thing you'll hear is T.O.'s knees hitting the floor. The second is "'Welcome To Jamaica Have A Nice Day?' Oh Hi, Donovan!"

I'm The Hatriot and approved this message.

Diane said...

I bet that Jeff Gordon got a pre-nup for this future ex-wife, since his ploy in his last divorce of asking for more than 50 percent of the community property because his job is so dangerous didn't work . . . Go Bolts!

Grammar Police said...

"You heard it hear first, people." I here that their will be a Cooper Manning sighting at the Giants - Bares game on Sudae.

NFL Adam said...

Just now seeing grammar mistakes? You must be a first timer. Welcome.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

adam, way to hop on the rutgers bandwagon, my man. but with a road game at west virginia, it'd be tough for rutgers to go undefeated.

Sun Devil said...

USC is losing to the Ducks tomorrow.

Bank on it.

Urban Meyer said...

Rutgers in the title game? Kiss my Gator ass. No punk-ass upstart football program has any business claiming to be the national champ. Why the fuck do you think I left Salt Lake to come to Gainesville, anyway?

bucky said...

Hey, I got a question: if Michigan beats OSU next week at the Horseshoe, and Wisconsin wins out (against Iowa and Buffalo), the Badgers will finish 2d in the conference. Since their only defeat was a tough road loss to Michigan, do they get a rematch against the Wolverines in Glendale in January?

Of course, we all know that Northwestern is going to end OSU's title hopes tomorrow. . . . .

insomniac said...

Bucky, the Michigan game might be Wisconsin's only loss, but it's also the only tough game they've played. They miss Ohio St this year, Iowa's fallen apart, and the rest of the conference is weak. Unlike the Wolverines and Buckeyes who can both claim a good out of conference win, the Badgers' non-conference opponents were: Bowling Green, Western Illinois, San Diego State, and Buffalo.

On the plus side, I'm sure Orlando, site of the Capital One Bowl, is lovely in January.