Thursday, October 12, 2006

Stephen Neal: Froot Loop

Patriots lineman Stephen Neal has contemplated joining the UFC when he is done in the NFL. And going to the UFC would just be smidge above raising roosters for cock fighting. But Neal, a former collegiate wrestling champion, wouldn’t be the first NFL player to dabble in sports entertainment. Bill Goldberg, Lawrence Taylor, William Perry, Kevin Greene and Steve "Mongo" McMichael all participated in the WWF and WCW. But that was professional wrestling. UFC is a whole other brand of idiots.

Not to say that professional wrestling fans are a high class of individual, but your typical UFC fan makes a WWF fan seem like a Wimbledon spectator. UFC fans generally fall some place between Raiders fans and Chaka on the evolutionary scale. Scientist are always looking for the missing link. He’s been found; it is Chuck Liddell and Frank Trigg.

And is there a more ironic name than Frank Trigg? He looks like the kind of guy that sat in the back of your math class and said, "I'm not going to need to know this (expletive)" while cracking his knuckles and eating some kid's stolen lunch. (A kid that would eventually go on to be a huge UFC fan.) And Trigg is considered one of the smart guys, as he does color commentary and radio. He is about as eloquent as you could expect an offspring of Vin Diesel and a polar bear to be. Like he is the Pepper Brooks of the UFC.

If you need any further proof that UFC fans are stupid, consider this. Most wrestling fans understand that wrestling is fake. Or that it is scripted with the outcomes predetermined. Metal folding chairs to the head are real, the finishes are not. Fans enjoy it with as they are able to suspend belief for a few hours.

Try telling that to a UFC fan. Tell a UFC fan that their sport is fake and they will look at you like you are the crazy one. Yes, they still potato each other and the punches might be real, but the matches are more scripted than a Robin Williams movie. Why would Ken Shamrock go from the UFC to the WWF to the UFC? To learn the trade secrets on how to dupe the uneducated and NASCAR fans into believing that their sport is real.

Ask a UFC participant if their sport is fake and they will threaten to kick you ass. Which is ironic, considering that is the same way that professional wrestlers would act if you asked them that same question.

In the 1970s. You know, when people thought professional wrestling was real.

There were countless instances where wrestlers appeared on talk shows and roughed up the host for suggesting that wrestling wasn’t on the up-and-up. Or how about the famous incident where Jerry Lawler staged a fight with Andy Kaufman on the David Letterman Show? It’s all a gag. And UFC hasn't reached that level of sophistication yet, despite having a reality TV show that directly mirrored the WWF's Tough Enough.

Maybe Neal could be that Kaufman for the UFC. But he should aim a little higher. If Neal is going to do the fake stuff, he might as well step up and go for the real thing, like the WWF.


Anonymous said...

You are going to get your ass kicked now.

Ken Shamrock said...

You are going down, fatty.

Diane said...

doesn't one of the UFC guys hang out at the Smurf?

Mike Tyson said...

The only reason that UFC exists is to make it look like white boys can fight.

Some909er said...

Yeah right like UFC isn't real. Next thing you tell me is that Motorcross is gay!

daddy said...

There you go with that racist shit again. I'm calling the National Association for the Advancement of Polar Bears.

Sleestack said...

I hate Chaka

Tony Clifton said...

So... ya wanna see Andy? Anybody gotta flashlight and a couple of shovels?

Anonymous said...

I can't tell if you're being serious or if you're just saying this to get a rise outta people.
Shit, I'm a UFC fan. Maybe I'm just too stupid to figure it out.

I'm a big fan of your blog, but you're way off base on this one. You're still an awesome writer, though, so I can't hold it against you too much. :)