Monday, October 02, 2006

The Post Mortem

You think you have a hangover and a headache today, what about Cowboys center Andre Gurode who looked like he went toe-to-toe with Greg “The Hammer” Valentine? Actually it was Titans resident a-hole Albert Haynesworth stomped all over his face. But Chargers fans could probably commiserate with Gurode right about now. Martyball once again snatched a loss from the jaws of victory. Steve McNair marched the Ravens down the field for the game-winning touchdown. It would be easy to blame the defense and Shawne Merriman for missing that final tackle on Todd Heap. But this is just further evidence that Marty Schottenheimer cannot win the big ball games. The Chargers went from Super Bowl contenders on the first drive, to NFL alsoran by the end of the fourth quarter.

At least the Chargers fans don’t need stitches today.

  • It’s nice to see that the Vikings are starting their mid-season slide early this season. The Vikings would at least jump out to 6-0 before folding its tents under Mike Tice. The team needs to get its retreat of some sort, like a houseboat trip or something.
  • Congratulations to the Raiders for having a lead this season. Sure they squandered that 18-point lead to the Browns, but dude, they were leading for some point this season.
  • Finally, an NFL team gets it. You should never be tackled on the final play of the game. And the New York Jets understand this. If you are trailing by more than three points, but less than nine, you should never give up on the final play. Although, how many gamblers were rooting for the Colts to pick up that fumble and return the ball for a touchdown?
  • Why are NFL pundits surprised that the New England Patriots won on Sunday? Avid readers of the Weak Ender (or participants in the Gridiron Apocalypse) knew better. NFL teams can’t seem to string together consecutive big wins. There was no way the Patriots were going to start the season 2-2. Yet nobody else could see this?
  • It is a shame that Brett Favre isn’t a baseball pitcher, because he would have been more than willing to serve up number 300 to Tim Salmon The weekend wasn't a total loss, though, as MLB Jennifer caught her first-ever foul ball. The kid she tampled on the way to the ball is said to have been upgraded to stable condition.
  • It is over for Kurt Warner. At least in Arizona. Warner needs to go to a good team where he can backup the starter and come in an win a few games. The Arizona offensive line has finally done in Warner’s career. Edgerrin James might be in the same boat, too. But don’t look for Matt Leinart to do anything with that team, either. Leinart fumbled on his second play from scrimmage and tossed his first NFL interception. And good news, Matt, the Bears linger on the schedule in a couple of weeks.
  • Quick check of the baseball playoffs: The Twins will knock off the A’s in four games and the Yankees sweep the Tigers. The Twins take out the Yankees in five in the ALCS. The Mets and Padres both sweep their series, with the Mets defeating the Padres in seven. The Twins will beat the Mets in five games in the World Series. And most of you can rejoice.
  • How do you know your team is in trouble? The fans are calling for Joey Harrington to be the starter.
  • Roger Clemens linked to steroids? File that away under least surprising news of the year. But Clemens never shows any of the typical symptoms of a steroid abuser? He’s never shown a fit of rage? He’s never thrown a bat at Mike Piazza. Oh wait.


AND FINALLY
There is a restaurant chain that is known for its chicken wings and endowed waitresses who pulled a fast one on Angels fans yesterday. The Angels scored more than 10 runs, meaning that this restaurant chain would give out 10 free wings to those fans in attendance. A point that was made by the Angels public address announcer. However, a sign outside of the Costa Mesa branch of this franchise had a sign that said, “Angels Must Win to Get Free Wings.” And the Angels had lost in extra innings, 11-10. Do you think at some point, the restaurant chain would realize that a good bit of public relations would be more cost effective than an order of chicken wings? Nah, absolutely not. Instead, they duped the pubic, angered patrons and unfortunately left their waitresses and hostesses to deal with the mess. So you are encouraged to not visit this establishment in the future.

But you are encouraged to visit The Hater Nation Forums.

12 comments:

Matt said...

Clemens being linked to steroids isn't the least surprising news of the year. I'm gonna have to go with Lance Bass being gay on that one.

NFL Adam said...

We stand corrected.

Scott said...

I hate it when my pubic gets duped.

Rep. Mark Foley (R) said...

It's vile. It's more sad than anything else -- to see someone with such potential throw it all down the drain.

Anonymous said...

I hate it worse when I get a pubic on my Pizzia.

insomniac said...

Dodgers getting swept? That's the same Dodgers team you said would miss the playoffs entirely. right?

I'm predicting a Dodgers/Padres NLCS and a Yankees/Twins ALCS. If that comes to pass, I expect ESPN to devote 50 minutes of coverage to the Yanks on Baseball Tonight while letting the west coast teams from the NL get 10 minutes of scraps from John Kruk.

NFL Adam said...

I'm a college football expert now.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

worst guy in charge of an NFL franchise:

Matt Millen or Al Davis?

bucky said...

worst guy in charge of an NFL franchise:

Matt Millen or Al Davis?


Trick question. The answer is Bill Bidwill.

DocMalk said...

Clemens took steroids? Nah! The devil you say?

And here I thought he was a douchebag just by nature.

Diane said...

If there was even one attorney at the game, expect the Chicken Wings class action lawsuit to be filed soon . . . congrats to NFL Jennifer . . . and I don't know how many Chargers' two minute warning melt downs courtesy of Marty I can take this season

p.s. I owe you guys a round or two at the Surf to celebrate my big win . . .

Benny said...

When did Starbucks start selling chicken wings?