Friday, September 08, 2006

The Weak Ender

It is quite a surprise that some parents groups haven't protested the U.S. Open yet, especially when Maria Sharapova is playing. Sharapova is making the Monica Seles grunting era seem like a Disney Channel movie. Sharapova, on the other hand, is like that scrambled Cinemax channel you kids would "watch" back in the day, longing for that brief second when the screen would be clear. Only that Cinemax movie did not have John McEnroe droning on in the back ground.

Well, at least not all of them anyway.

Defeated opponent Tatiana Golovin might be that protester, though. It appears that Golovin didn't take kindly to Sharapova's, uh, competitiveness.

"It's OK to grunt, but you don't have to be that loud. Like I don't think the ball actually goes faster if she is grunting."

Whatever Frenchie. You let Maria play tennis however she wants to play it. She doesn't need any tips from you. Maybe if Sharapova had a masculine beak like you, she wouldn't have to grunt so loud. (Oh yeah, totally went there.)

  • There is a maddening trend in sports where lazy broadcasters refer to injuries only by body part. Steve Smith might miss time with a hamstring. Carson Palmer is coming back from a knee. You get the picture. What would they say if a player was suffering from priapism?

  • Did anybody else notice Joey Porter kissing Bill Cowher on Thursday night's broadcast? What happened to the good old days when only washed up quarterbacks tried to kiss sideline reporters? The Michael Strahanization of the league needs to stop now. But after watching Andrea Kramer on the sidelines, Cowher might have been the best option.

  • Chasing Maris: Ryan Howard broke up a no-hit bid with his 54th home run of the season on Thursday. He is seven home runs away from tying the all-time mark. And nobody cares about this?

  • Marquee Match Up: No, it is not the dreaded Manning Bowl on Sunday. At some point, execs from NBC just have to realize that the Manning brothers are just robots, devoid of any human emotion. It is bad enough that Peyton is challenging John Madden's all-time mark for products pitched, but there is no evidence that he will get over the hump. At least Jake Plummer fans have finally started to realize that he will never win. When will the Manning fans finally wake up? For the record, Texas will snot kick Ohio State this week in the real marquee match up.

  • Boise State will play in a BCS bowl game this season. The Broncos have Fresno State at home this season and will walk into the BCS undefeated. Can you smell a West Virginia vs. Boise State final?

  • Kobe said that Team USA needs more chemistry. No kidding, especially after Kobe ran off former Team USA member Pau Gasol who eventually won a gold medal for team Spain. Just kidding, but just barely.

  • Your Moment of Bish: THN kids The Bish for always being a step behind the times. But he really outdid himself this week. The Bish, in picking the NFC Championship Game participants, chose the Panthers and Seattle. He knows these two teams played last year, right? Good lord, the Bish just picked the Steelers to win Super Bowl 40. BTW (this was stolen from the forums), did anybody notice that he and she have the same hairstyle?

An assistant coach for the Lions was arrested for driving thru a Wendy's nude, like he was caught in some Pink Panther movie. And no, it was not Mike Martz. Was he hanging out with Matthew McConaughey or something? Maybe Dateline should have an expose where they try to get NFL coaches to drive to QSRs (fast food joints) naked. Joe Avezzano would probably do it.

And seriously, why can't stories like this be about Sharapova driving around naked and grunting at a drive thru?

Thanks to Bucky and some dude who is not allowed to read this site for pointing that out to me.


insomniac said...

Boise State might make it to a BCS game, but it be a two loss Notre Dame that gets the nod to play West Va for the championship.

PTPers10 said...

Monica Seles grunting era huh? I'm sorry I missed that.

Sun Devil said...

Jake is your daddy, Adam.

j.j. said...

nice post. also, did anyone notice how Bettis rode into the stadium thursday night in a huge yellow school bus that said 'The Bus' on the side, Pittsburghians apparently needing the symbolism spelled out for them.

daddy said...

I had priapism once. It was really hard.

bucky said...

I could stand to hear Sharapova grunt a little.