Monday, September 18, 2006

Super Bowl Buzz Kill

Why your team won't win the Super Bowl:

There had been a movement afoot in the NFL to have the St. Louis football team change its moniker to something more appropriate—the St. Louis Al Qaeda. That way, if St. Louis wins a football game, the terrorists have won. That is the only way to describe owner Georgia Frontiere, the worst owner in professional sports history. She is an NFL terrorist. Think Marge Schott without the winning personality or smoker’s cough. Frontiere isn’t even alive. Word is, she survives in some sort of Terri Shiavo-like state of existence. The only time she regains consciousness is to cash yet another paycheck or taunt the football fans of Southern California.

There are those who will say that Georgia had the worst stadium deal in the NFL, and she had no choice but to abandon Anaheim Stadium to take the lucrative offer from St. Louis. But that is a mistake. In fact, Georgia should have picked another owner to marry and murder. Like she couldn’t have married Clint Murchison, Jr. who died of natural causes in 1987. She could have been the owner of the Cowboys had she not stumbled into the wrong hotel room when she was whoring herself out during owners meetings during the 1970s.

Sorry St. Louis fans, the devil already gave Georgia her one Super Bowl and completed the contract they had. Now the team is doomed to walk the rest of the days without any hope of winning a Super Bowl. Kind of like the Browns.

Other previews: Jets, Browns, Texans, Vikings, Jaguars, Bills, Eagles, Bears, Buccaneers, Redskins, Chiefs, Falcons, Raven, Titans, Lions, Giants, Saints, Panthers, Bengals, Cardinals, Seahawks, Dolphins, Steelers, Packers, Broncos, Cowboys and 49ers.


Diane said...

Thanks also to Carroll Rosenbloom, who in all his wisdom, cut his football operations son out of his will, and left the team to an ex-stripper instead. Has Frontiere got out of the federal pen yet?

NFL Adam said...

No kidding. That would make a good episode of CSI, though.

You're in Big Trouble said...

Dear Sir(s),

As the legal representative for Ms. Frontiere, I am authorized to demand the immediate deletion of your libelous remarks or face the litiguous wrath of my well-heeled client.

This is no joke!

Simon J. Peabody III, esq.
Peabody, Peabody and Tinkle
St. Louis, Mo.

Greg Gibson said...

Get in line.