Monday, September 25, 2006

The Post Mortem

Where is your Messiah now? Eli is easily the best garbage time quarterback in the history of the NFL. Eli had three interceptions when the game was on the line in the first half. He followed that up with three touchdown passes when his team was down by 38 points. The national and New York media have killed Alex Rodriguez for padding his stats in non-clutch situations.

Eli is worse.

Much, much worse.

Even last week's game against the Eagles was a fluke. Eli had no problem heaving the ball when his team trailed Philadelphia by 17 points. Eli certainly would have found the hands of an Eagles receiver if the game was on the line. Even the game-winning touchdown pass was dangerously under-thrown and had it not been for a great athletic play of Plaxico Burress, that ball should have been picked.

You can't help by feel like Frank Grimes from The Simpsons when you hear the broadcast professionals (and Joe Buck) rave about Eli. Are they watching the same footage? How is it clear to anybody watching football that Eli is a fraud, but the guys paid to dole out their "expert" opinion can't see through this fa├žade? No matter how much Buck and Troy Aikman want to lead viewers to believe that Eli was mounting "another great comeback," he was merely padding his fantasy football stats. Eli was a total non-factor and just a chip off of his losing father’s block.

  • Jeremy Shockey may be a lot of things, but he is right when it comes to the Giants coaching staff. They have been completely undressed by the Eagles and Seahawks. But when Shockey is pointing his fingers, he ought to take a look at his quarterback, too.
  • Congratulations to the Giants for finally taking Seattle's 12th Man out of the game by going down by 38 points. Nothing deflates a crowd faster than having an opposing football team roll over on its back and piddle on itself. That would be like cheering on the Seahawks to beat an eighth-grade flag football team.
  • Is there a safer place to work in American than FOX? Think about it. They could never be the target for a terrorist organization because nobody has done more to inflict more pain on American than the FOX broadcasting. Who would you rather see in Camp X-Ray, Joe Buck or Bin Laden? The sad part is that you had to pause to think about it.
  • Why does Carson Palmer hate his receivers? He gets Chad Johnson laid out last week and Chris Henry on Sunday. Oh, and did you happen to catch Henry's celebration following his second touchdown? Nice throw into the stands. It is surprising that he was not flagged for taunting Vince Young's throwing motion.
  • Chris Simms had a ruptured spleen that had to be removed. Had to be his liaise faire upbringing.
  • Congratulations to Europe for winning the Ryder Cup. Now lets see one of you wankers try to challenge Tiger Woods in a major championship. The Ryder Cup is only cool when the U.S. wins it.
  • You can go away now: Dolphins.
  • The Birds must be the most disappointing team right now. Legendary quarterback Kurt Warner fumbled away the game in the closing minutes, this coming on top of three interceptions. The crowd in Arizona is already calling for Matt Leinart, but they should not be so hasty. That offensive line is bad. The play-calling is horrible. Is it possible to have too many offensive weapons? Now Edgerrin James is calling for the football. It is turning into a bad situation, exasperated by a coach who really doesn’t get the most out of his talent. It is going to be sad watching them piss away this season.
  • When the Angels fail to reach the playoffs this year, blame the front office. Arte Moreno has suggest that the team will be spending more money this offseason. It's time to finally make good on that promise. The good news is that the Dodgers are trailing in both the wild card and divisional playoff game.
  • The Buccaneers are obviously going to need a new quarterback and only one name comes to mind, Tommy Maddox. That noise you just heard was Scott from Bucstats jumping off a ledge.
  • Got to like the way that Panthers coaches really stuck it to the Buccaneers by having Keyshawn Johnson score twice, doubling his touchdown output Keyshawn had as a member of the Bucs. Oh, and they also stuck it to them by, you know, ripping up the quarterback’s spleen and stuff.

Congratulations to Notre Dame for clinching its BCS berth with its comeback over Michigan State? Is it the imagination running wild, or does MSU go up big on Notre Dame every year, only to fall apart at the end?

The Irish are now moving into the SEC-like preseason portion of its schedule where it will play the military academies, Stanford and any junior college they can get into South Bend. The Irish will have a date with the pathetic Bruins (who started their annual November swoon early this year) and get beat badly at USC. But it won’t matter. Notre Dame will have another two-lose season, entitling them to lose in their BCS game. Much like Oakland will likely choke in the AL divisional playoffs.


Anonymous said...

Do you ever tire of being a douche bag, nozzle and the box it fucking comes in?

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

if notre dame makes a BCS bowl, i'll like into hiring Chris Henry to committ another felony. well, i probably wouldn't have to hire him...

Scott said...

No one with a decent backup is going to be willing to part with them for a price that the Bucs will be willing to pay. So they're stuck looking at free agents. There has actually been talk about bringing Shaun King back to Tampa. Rich Gannon and Jeff George have also been mentioned. I'm going to go have a nice bleach and arsenic cocktail now.

Vegan Viking said...

I think the announcers will just say anything to get people to keep watching a blowout. I doubt they really believed a comeback was in the offing.

unc_samurai said...

The Dolphins can stay, but the announcers last night for the MNF game and everyone else that has been fawning over that cesspool of a city called New Orleans can shut the hell up and go home. We're tired of hearing about it. Really, we are.

An ordinary infidel said...

I much rather hear Bin Laden call the world series in Arabic - with numerous taunts aimed at the US in between pitches - than ever have to listen to Joe Buck again. FUUUUUUUUUUUck Buck sucks!!!