Monday, September 11, 2006

Lil' Hater's Weekend Quiz

Finish this quote by Dan Dierdorf:
"The Rams' Leonard Little is single handedly destroying ____."
a) A 12-pack of Bud, and his Lincoln Navigator.
b) Another innocent bystander’s life.
c) The Denver offence.

Answer: C. It's still early in the season for stupid announcer remarks, but this one caught my attention. But I’m still holding out hope for someone to out-do Jim Nantz from this year’s Final Four, when he described LSU’s loss as "a tragedy for Louisiana." Morons.

Another early contender: Al Michaels eagerly playing up Tiki Barber's Hall of Fame credentials. Yeah, well he does play for the Giants. But otherwise, wtf are you talking about, Al?

What product doesn't a Manning brother endorse?
a) Satellite TV service.
b) Cell phone service.
c) Sports drinks
d) Credit cards
e) Enzyte, the natural male enhancement.

Answer: None of the above. "Bob,"
Enzyte's pitchman, is actually the oldest Manning brother, Cooper. It’s true. He's also the only one of the three to ever have an erection, according to Michael Strahan.

The Dallas Cowboys blow a big lead and lose. Where does Joe Buck place most of the blame for this loss?
a) The crappy Dallas defense.
b) Drew Bledsoe and his three crippling INTs.
c) The totally out-coached Bill Parcells.
d) An injured kicker who didn’t play.

Answer: D, Mike Vanderjack. He really did. That's big of you, Joe, taking a tough tone against a player universally thought of as a jerk, instead of stepping up and calling out the untouchable Parcells and the Cowboys for a lousy game. Moron.

What Monday night event will contain the most blatant fiction and outright lies?
a) ABC’s 911 movie - a shameful, Republican-funded rewriting of history.
b) Whatever Pet Goat reading W has to say during his prime-time campaign speech.
c) ESPN playing up the Raiders' season as a return to glory under Art Shell.

Answer: C. Almost a third of Americans still actually believe in Bush, according to polls. That's still more than those who think the Raiders will be competitive this year.

Most clearly overmatched QBs this weekend.
a) Texas Longhorn's Colt McKoy
b) Jake Plummer
c) Whoever the Browns QB is this year.
d) Chris Simms

Answer: Trick question – they all sucked equally.

Did you know, Bud Grant has returned to the Hater Nation Forums. Go ask him about his secrets of black jack.


Diane said...

And this quote from Al Davis, even though the Raiders last appearance was a drubbing in 2003 by Green Bay: "We made Monday Night Football," owner Al Davis said. "We had the best records on Monday Night Football, and we used to play most of the games on the road. We still do."

Anonymous said...

Here is a better one. The commentators saying Reggie Bush was unstoppable against the Browns. Bush was impressive but he was at no point breaking open the game. Every time he touched the ball you thought he scored a touchdown.

And my favorite was Joe Theisman tossing Brad Johnson's salad on the first monday night game. Talking about how he is just so experienced. When Johnson avoided a sack by switching to his left hand and thereby throwing the ball away you would have thought he tossed a 60-yard touchdown pass. Would it be too much to have LT come in to the booth and break his other leg? I'm sure he needs money for drugs or a court case.

Anonymous said...

Great call, that really does look like Cooper.