Friday, August 11, 2006

The Weak Ender



It's inevitable each preseason. At least one quarterback will suffer a catastrophic injury. And this year is no different. It appears that quarterback Jenna Jameson will not be able to play in the upcoming Lingerie Bowl. (Insert your own lame "receiver" joke here.) Actually Jameson will miss the game because she can't get insured to play in the game and her bosses fear that she will be hurt.

Yeah, because banging a ton of dudes is totally safe. And Dave Navarro.

But don't worry, horn dogs, Jameson will be in charge of the game commentary, which she insists she'll do in her sexiest underwear. The biggest surprise is not that Jameson actually owns underwear, but that people still buy this thing. Who are these losers? Any Super Bowl party showing the Lingerie Bowl is not a party you would want to attend, lest they be calling for "The Gimp" by the third period. It makes the chick fight in the parking lot of Moose's Beach party three years ago seem less undesirable. (So you have no excuse to not be in Vegas this year for that.)

  • The Boston Red Sox were swept by the Kansas City Royals, as savior Curt Schilling was roughed up on Thursday. You could almost imagine Schilling trolling the Royals message boards the following day, challenging Royals fans to fights.

  • Congratulations to Browns tight end Kellen Winslow who competed in a preseason game and did not get hurt. Winslow is celebrating this accomplishment by skydiving today. Hey, what could go wrong?

  • The Madden player ratings are out. Not like it matters to most of you jerks, seeing that you likely create your own player and max him out. THN does not do that. Instead, a running back named Zach Landres Whatever is created with a rating of 99.



AND FINALLY
Sports Illustrated columnist Rick Reilly was outraged (what else is new?) about Little League baseball. To summarize, it's a Little League game, team the Red Sox best hitter is up with a chance to win the game and first base open. The kid on deck is one of the worst hitters on the team. So the opposing manager walks the team’s best hitter and faces the weak hitter.

Oh, and the weak hitter is a cancer survivor or something.

Anway, the weak hitter ends up striking out to end the game and Reilly is pissed. But not for what you think. He is upset that the manager called for the intentional walk. What? If anybody should be lambasted, it should be the guy who is protecting his best hitter in the lineup with a cancer survivor.

Oh, and the manager of that losing team is Bill Stoneman.

Alright, just kidding, but barely.

3 comments:

TheBigO said...

Damn, dude in the background of that pic looks like he would like to Spreewell Jenna.

insomniac said...

I appreciate all the Jenna has done for me over the years, but I think she's had one facelift too many. I have a bad feeling that in 15 years, she's going to be rivaling the cat lady.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

damn straight zach landres-whatever would have a 99.