Friday, August 04, 2006

The Weak Ender

Former Eagles cheerleader Tara Smith has been implicated as a suspect and instigator in a barroom brawl in Dallas. That’s just too bad. It's a shame that Smith and the plaintiff couldn't have found a nice stall in the bathroom to work out their differences.

Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens is one of four people named in a civil court motion as witnesses to a bar fight in the club. Partially because he knows Smith. And partly because he hangs out with cheerleaders.

This story was stolen from our man, Vin.

  • John Madden will be going into the Pro Football Hall of Fame this weekend. Now, it has to be universally agreed that Madden is getting into the Hall based on a combination of his coaching, his announcing and his video game. It's hard to believe that there is a generation of kids out there that have no idea that Madden was really once a competent announcer. It seems like another lifetime ago. And if you think that Madden's coaching ability alone earned him the induction, you are a dope. If Mike Seifert had a video game, maybe he would be in the Hall, too.

  • Hate to all of the Haters with the, "call me when Chase Utley's streak gets to 40 games" take. What a tired, trite thing to say. If you are paid to comment on sports, then you should comment on, you know, (expletive) sports. It's amazing that people, like ESPN's Doug Gottlieb, will try to seem "edgy" by using this cliché. Hey Doug, would you like to talk about stealing credit cards instead? How about Eddie Sutton’s alcoholism?

  • Greg Maddux is just amazing. It's even more amazing that the Dodgers seem to care about winning the division title. The Angels, conversely, are content to start four second basemen in their everyday lineup. But who can blame them? When you think of the best hitters, second basemen jump to mind immediately.

Anna Benson lasted a few days in the World Series of poker, eliminating one of the broads from That 70s Show. And if you saw Topher Grace playing poker during the remake of Ocean's 11, it should not come as that big of a surprise. What also isn’t surprising is that Anna lasted longer than the Sports Dork himself, ESPN's Bill Simpson.

And if you read the Sports Dork recent remarks about Las Vegas, it isn’t hard to see why. The Sports Dork postulates that Vegas has become like that one of those quaint neighborhood Italian joints that has been overrun by tourists. And he’s right. The only problem is that he can’t see that he is one of those tourists running down the city. Las Vegas survived a long time before a couple of trust fun babies from Boston showed up making bad jokes and deriding people for doubling-down on a soft 14 with the dealer showing a 5. (Which, of course, is the right thing to do and something the Dork wouldn't understand.)

Seriously, if you were sitting at a table would you rather be sitting next to Benson or the Sports Dork? Actually, you’d probably have to go to Club Paradise to sit with a gal like Benson, but you get the point.


Go Diamondbacks said...

Maddux is not amazing. He was facing a Reds lineup in which only Adam Dunn is any good, with Griffey still a bitch and no Kearns to protect the heart of the order.

Perhaps if they had someone better than Rich Aurilia in the five spot, Maddux's six innings would mean something.

TheBigO said...

I'd skeet all over Anna Benson's face. That lucky little hocake.

insomniac said...

Great freakin' post. I especially love the take on Simmons' looking like a bitch in Vegas.

If I sober up enough tonight, I'll be sure to link to you in my blog...but honestly, it's far more likely that once I get home, I'll just pass out while watching porn...

Michael said...

Eagles cheerleaders (and their costumes) have come a long way from this!

Tim Moore said...

dude, Greg Maddux actually made me watch a Dodgers' game.
that alone is huge.

Sun Devil (Go Diamondbacks!) said...

Hey Tim, stop wasting your time. The Dodgers will suck for centuries. This new "ownership team" is going to ensure that. NOMAR? Looked great till the season really started, huh?

Bottom line: DBacks or the San Difaggot Padres will win the West. Go DBacks!

The Universal Cynic said...

Is it possible to beat someone into unconsciousness with a giant inflatable penis? If I had been a part of the bachelorette party that ambushed Simmons, I certainly would have tried.

Seitz said...

Dude, that was Ocean's 12.

the Bish's rug said...

I think I'm in love with the universal cynic. She makes my fake hair stand up

NFL Adam said...

Seitz's, it was Ocean's 11.

Rusty (Brad Pitt) was teaching Grace, Holly Marie Combs, Joshua Jackson, and the Seventh Heaven guy how to play poker in LA.

Topher was trashing Ryan's hotel in Ocean's 12.

Anonymous said...

Sun devil, DBacks. This is a joke right? DumbASsU has no fans.

Phoenix is the worst excuse for a city in the history of the world. Who or what would ever live there. Let alone root for one of their teams.

ehudadams said...

if you have such a large distaste for Simmons why are you so obsessed with him? there are plenty of people I don't like, so I don't read his stuff. seems like an odd obsession to me.

NFL Adam said...

Have you ever seen the movie Go? Todd Gaines' obsession with the Family Circus mirror's my obsession with the Sports Dork.

Any other questions?