Thursday, August 17, 2006

Thanks, Coach

Coach Mike Krzylkmadfladski—as those numerous American Express commercials told you—wants his players armed for life. But when it comes to Team USA, he doesn't want to be armed with his best defender. The coach, with the worst hair in sports next to The Bish, cut Bruce Bowen from whatever tournament Team USA is getting set to embarrass itself in.

Wasn’t Coach $100K brought in to restore some pride in USA basketball? And to do that, wasn’t he supposed to rely on that good old fashion Coach $100K approach?

No, not media whoring and making bad commercials. Solid defense.

Team USA had long assembled its national team the same way kids collect trading cards. They would gather a group of disinterested big-name standouts, roll out the ball and expect to win a gold medal. But the rest of the world caught up and Team USA started losing to countries such as Nauru. Those in power responded by selecting Coach $100K to lead the team, because—let’s face it, the coach’s Duke teams never underachieve in tournaments. There also was a new emphasis put on team players instead of big-name stars. Guys who can actually make a defensive stop. Guys willing to do the little things to help their team win.

Guys like Bowen.

Instead, Coach $100K responded by cutting the former Cal State Fullerton standout in favor of one of his own kids, Shane Battier. What a (expletive) shock. This ensures that Team USA will again have an early tournament exit. But at least they will get a chance to see Coach $100K's latest commercial.

Wikipedia Fun Fact: Bowen actually participated in the 1992 Olympic basketball player as a member of the Lithuania national team. Bruce’s mother was a Lithuanian citizen. Bruce scord 31 points in Lithuania's victory over Team USA, the only squad that beat the "Dream Team."


Ray Allen said...

Bruce, you are the biggest douche ever. I hate you, you baldheaded vagina cleaner.

Nate McMillan said...

Shut the fuck up, Ray. You are overrated and shitty.

Sonics Fans said...

Wassup Nate?? We love you man, please come save us. Ray, We love you don't listen to Nate he loves you he's just pissed the whole world knows you're the purest jump shooter in the NBA right now, don't believe us ask the Kings about the 05 playoffs.