Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Super Bowl Buzz Kill

Why your team won't win the Super Bowl:

The Post Mortem was the only column to pick the Panthers to go to the Super Bowl in 2003, back when it was published on some other football site. So it hurts to say that they are not going to win the Super Bowl this year. But it's true.

Now, there was no first-hand knowledge that the Panthers were using steroids back then, as recent reports have suggested, it was just good foresight. The troubling thing about the Panthers recent steroid scandal isn't that the team was using steroids.

No, it is because the players keep getting hurt. Like all the time. Weren't steroids supposed to make you stronger? Wow, imagine how bad the injuries would be if the Panthers were not on the juice. Still, the injury questions continue to dog the club. Receiver Steve Smith is battling a hamstring problem, although that could probably be attributed Keyshawn Johnson stabbing him in the back of the leg.

If the Panthers were injury prone before when they were on steroids then now, as they are trying to play clean, they will probably get so far down the depth chart they will be reaching for guys like Jeff George. Just kidding, nobody would be that desperate.

(And really, this whole story is a huge leap of faith that NFL players are not using steroids. According to the new Commissioner, Opie Goodell, there is not a steroid problem in the NFL, at least not one he could find during his extensive probe of Paul Tagliabue's colon.)

Oh alright, and this will be the last time for jokes like this: Did you know that no team has ever won the Super Bowl after having two cheerleaders caught having sex in a Tampa restroom? It's true.

Other previews: Jets, Texans, Vikings, Jaguars, Bills, Eagles, Bears Buccaneers, Chiefs, Falcons, Raven, Titans, Lions, Giants and Saints.


Anonymous said...

Yes but a team has won a Super Bowl after its star player was involved in a murder.

Diane said...

I think the key word there is "caught" . . .

NFL Adam said...

Nice job, you two.