Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Super Bowl Buzz Kill

Why your team won't win the Super Bowl:

The image of patron saint Jon Gruden is starting to tarnish. And it has nothing to do with his decision to start Chris Simms at quarterback. Gruden has always been seen as a forward thinker. As somebody who is a little bit ahead of the curve.

Then you read a story like this:

The Bucs have tried to keep things fresh during a sweltering camp by sprinkling their audibles with pop-culture references right out of People magazine.

"As soon as you get them [players] maybe one time on an audible, it's in a file forever," Gruden said.

"So we've got to change names. Halle Berry? Let's be honest, she is a fox and our players never forget that one. That one's used up, so we're on to Jennifer Aniston, J-Lo and Pam Anderson. We like to use girls once in a while, but in the regular season we have our basic audibles that we'll continue to use."

Uh, sure. Way to keep things fresh. Way to have your finger on the pulse of pop culture. Even Steve “The Bish” Bisheff would be embarrassed by these pop culture drops. Even calling Halle Berry a “Fox” would be beneath the Bish. Who still uses that phrase? And really Jon, could you think of some different or fresher "birds?" Although they are more relevant than the girls the Raiders use—Loni Anderson, Charlene Tilton and Joan Van Ark.

Besides, the audibles are also pretty easy to decipher. A J-Lo is obviously an end-around; a Jennifer Aniston is a pass out in the flat; and a Pam Anderson is obviously a fake.

With audibles this bad, it’s obvious that Gruden has lost his touch. It’s a shame, too.

Other previews: Jets, Texans, Vikings, Jaguars, Bills, Eagles and Bears.


NFL Adam said...

I would like to point out, that if Gruden would have retired after Super Bowl XXXVI, worked in TV and made a killer video game, he would be in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Scott said...

If Gruden had retired after Super Bowl XXXVI, his last game would have been the "tuck rule" game.

I always thought it would be a good idea to code the audibles after whoever the opposing team is. Chris Simms could change the play at the line by shouting, "I nailed Kris Jenkins's mother!" It might make him pause just for a second.

NFL Adam said...

I'm officially off the Roman numerals. Gruden should have retired after Super Bowl 37.

But I agree Scott, that would be a riot.

Diane said...

I was knocked out of my suicide pool last year, after I foolishly picked TB to beat SF. A pox on Chuckie and the Bucs

Anonymous said...

Did they model that logo after George Hamilton.

TJ Rubley said...

No. It's Jake Plummer.

Scott said...

Come on... everyone knows George's brother Ted was the model for the pirate.

Ted Hamilton IS the Pirate King!