Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Why Your Team Won't Win the Super Bowl



Imagine you are a big-time free agent running back who just signed a big-money deal. To impress the new bosses do you show up to mini-camp:

a.) In the best shape of your life?
b.) Looking like you pounded donuts in the offseason with John Madden, Jerome Bettis and John Daly?

You are in the 99 percentile if you answered "a."

You are Vikings new running back Chester Taylor if you answered "b."

The former Ravens back-up running back showed up to the Vikings first mini camp looking like he was using Dennis Green’s old training regimen. Well, without knocking up the office secretary and forcing her to have an abortion.

But you can’t really blame Taylor, he is in Minnesota now. And when in Rome…

The Vikings went out of its way to improve its offensive line with the acquisition of guard Steve Hutchinson. But it's not going to help if the top running back is built like Mo'Nique. The Vikings thought they were getting the next Priest Holmes. Instead, it looked like the club got a guy who is the epitome of gluttony.

So when it comes to the Super Bowl the Vikings have a...

wait for it

wait for it

fat chance.

Purple Thoughts

Vikings fans are quick to point out that Brad Johnson has a Super Bowl ring. Make your own Trent Dilfer joke here. Johnson was the beneficiary of a great defense in Tampa Bay. The best defense in Minnesota are the lawyers who where able to keep the Vikings Love Boat Crew out of jail. Actually, those attorneys were probably better at stopping the "pass."

Fist-year coach Brad Childress looks like he is building a poor man’s version of the Eagles—a decent quarterback flanked by anonymous running backs and receivers. They say the receivers have something to prove. Really? Troy Williamson proved he was no Randy Moss last year, while Koren Robinson proved he still could not catch a football.

Cheer up Vikings fans, despite having a miserable NFL team, that doesn’t mean you can’t compete in the NFC North.

Other previews: Jets and Texans.

2 comments:

Doug said...

Damnit. I bank Chester Taylor's agent, and he is the only decent client he has, Chester better not get cut and force this guy to default on the loans I have out to him.

Sun Devil said...

The Vikings DBs should be able to pull in at least 10 receptions this year the two times they play Brett Favre. And with Favre's recent history, some of those should be touchdowns.