Friday, June 02, 2006

The Weak Ender

Ping! The college baseball playoffs have started and this is the time of year that Cal State Fullerton alumni can be proud of their alma mater (and not pretend that they went to USC).

That goes double for super fan Kevin Costner.

The K-Dawg has become college baseball’s top fan, the King of Ping if you will. But now he is facing some stiff opposition for a pair of competitors who might be best described as the Queen of Schwing.

Pamela Anderson has become the super fan of Pepperdine and the Malibu resident has become a fixture at regular season games. The K-Dawg, conversely, only shows up to mug for the ESPN cameras during the playoffs.

Anderson has become such a fan of the Waves; you almost expect a sex tape with the vixen and catcher Chad Tracy (son of Jim) to surface at any time. And while Anderson has made a habit of taping herself during sex, her partners were willing unlike the masseuse the K-Dawg allegedly performed a lewd sex act in front of.

You really have to feel for the Titans fans here. First Pepperdine defeated Cal State for the College World Series title in 1992. Now Anderson is quickly becoming the face of College Baseball. If Anderson ever makes a $1B blockbuster where she plays a gruff but likeable loner in a post-apocalyptic world, Titans fans will have nothing to hold on to.

  • The Angels have pulled one of the biggest bait-and-switches in the history of shaddy business. Angels Stadium of Anaheim has a Hooters inside of the facility. But it is staffed by Aramark workers. Let’s say they are not Hooters girls. Some aren’t even girls. And be honest, Hooters food sucks. It does, especially the wings. Not having the endowed, would-be Waves fans working the shop just makes it worthless. It’s just another over-priced concession.
  • The Twins are wearing patches with No. 34 on it to honor the late Kirby Puckett. It would have been more fitting to have a patch depicting an electrical cord—the object he used to choke his ex-wife. Allegedly.
  • The NBA playoffs have turned into a big bummer. The last three games have featured a desperate home team (Phoenix, Detroit, Dallas) blowing out a disinterested opponent. So much for the NBA being back. That was quick.
  • Eric Gagne has returned from his injury. Where are those conspiracy theorist who will claim that Gagne was secretly suspended for using steroids, but was allowed to cloak it with an injury? The Dodgers did just play their 50th game.
  • Dirk Nowitski—ball hog.
  • A poster on Cal State Fullerton’s message board noted that the Waves got to go to Pamela Anderson’s house for lunch on Friday. Not a bad gig. The K-Dawg had a screening of For Love of the Game at Omaha a few years ago. Yeah, totally even.


AND FINALLY

Anybody else finding the Spelling Bee a little disturbing? Like ESPN couldn’t find more hours of Bonds-on-Bonds to run. There is something wrong about watching these little kids getting traumatized on national television that is a little perverse. Not to be one of those guys who wants second place trophies and participation ribbons handed out, but this is a little over the line. Those poor kids are going to be ridiculed by their peers.

Some might argue that these kids will be perceived as heroes just for being on TV. Sure How much ribbing do Peyton Manning and Alex Rodriguez take for failing on the world’s biggest stage? Seriously, nobody remembers who won the thing two years ago, but they sure remember that kid who fainted on stage. Yeah, this is really a good idea. Maybe ESPN should really ramp up its coverage and show a kid’s first visit to the orthodontist or optometrist.

3 comments:

Sun Devil said...

College Baseball - Nebraska is currently getting punked by Manhattan, the four seed in their bracket, which everyone can cheer for.

ASU is taking it to the CWS again. Look out for the Devils, led by Ike Davis and Colin Curtis. Look out for the freshman Urlaub to have some great starts this weekend and next.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

i've been thinking the same thing with the nba playoffs: only a matter of time that they are as interesting as watching water boil

Slade said...

Oh, well, there will be no more Pamela Anderson.

Oh, and Ole Miss is winning the CWS. You can believe that. CS-Fullerton will destroy Misery, if it's of any consolation.