Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Soup, Not Good For You

Winning a Super Bowl means many things—fame, fortune, and of course, commercial opportunities. That is what Ben Roethlisberger (left) has found out after winning Super Bowl XL. Roethlisberger has signed on for Campbell’s Chunky Soup and will appear in a video for the PovertyNeck Hillbillies. That’s fitting. With no teeth left, Roethlisberger will have to eat soup for months and will look the part for a Hillbillies video.

The only problem is that Campbell's Chunky might be a little too thick for him.

Of course, long-time readers of this site will note that this is all a part of the dreaded Campbell’s Chunky Curse. It is the least publicized of the sports curses (behind Sports Illustrated and the Madden Cover), but it might be the most hurtful. Careers have basically ended by being associated with the soup and Roethlisberger is just the latest member. Here is a quick look at some of the Chunky spokesman.

Terrell Davis: The former sixth-round draft pick went from the NFL’s most dominant back to out of the league in the blink of an eye. Even Gale Sayers and Bo Jackson thought he was frail.

Donovan McNabb: The Eagles quarterback went from being the golden boy of NFL quarterbacks to puking his soup at the Super Bowl. If McNabb thought T.O. was bad, look at the Eagles receiving corps for this season. It isn’t going to get much better.

Marcella Lowery: Had a promising career as “Miss Noble” on NBC’s The City Guys. Now she has disappeared quicker than the lady who played Miss Bliss on Saved by the Bell after appearing as McNabb’s mother in a few spots.

Michael Strahan: Former sack master relegated to mop-up duty on the Best Damn Sports Show, Period where he played the straight man for Tom Arnold.

Brian Urlacher: Dated Paris Hilton, but didn’t star in any home movies. Remember that one big play Urlacher made last season to push the Bears to victory? Don’t feel bad, nobody does.

Kurt Warner: Two words—Brenda Warner.

Reggie White: The Minister of Defense morphed from perceived good guy to the black Rush Limbaugh with one trip to the Wisconsin state legislature.

The only guy who seemed to do well was Jerome Bettis, who finally won the Super Bowl. But what do you think caused that fumble on the goal line in the final moments of the AFC Championship Game?

These players just never seem to learn.


Tim Moore said...


Lil Hater said...

Is that really Ben in the picture? It looks more like the world's greatest daredevil, Captain Lance Murdoch.

Murdoch:[tries to give a thumbs-up sign] Doc, I heard a snap.
Dr. Hibbert: Hm. I'm afraid the bone is broken. Well, that's all of them!