Thursday, June 22, 2006

Ozzie Guillen: Froot Loop

And no, that is not meant as a question to Ozzie's sexuality. The White Sox manager, as many of you have likely heard, has gotten into hot water for using a derogatory term for homosexuals when referring to columnist Jay Mariotti.

But who hasn't?

Of course, Guillen was forced to apologize and he went to the standard, “I’m not homophobic, my boyfriend is gay.” Actually, Guillen asserted his openness to homosexuals by saying that he will be attending the Gay Games (don't buy your tickets on Stub Hub), goes to ton of WNBA games and even went to a Madonna concert.

Seriously, a Madonna concert. And at this point, the WNBA should just drop any pretenses of who its league caters to and should put rainbows on their jerseys.

But still, Ozzie could be a little bit more convincing. Here are a few suggestions on how Ozzie could prove to the world that he is not homophobic. Because really, just going to a Madonna concert isn’t good enough. Please feel free to weigh in on the comments section.

I'm not homophobic, I watched Will & Grace.

I'm not homophobic, I belong to PETA.

I'm not homophobic, I watched Top Gun.

I'm not homphobic, I like the original line-up of Van Halen.

I'm not homophobic, I served on a Greek submarine.

I'm not homophobic, I hang out with Michael Strahan.


Ozzie said...

Have I banged a few guys? Sure, who hasn't? But that doesn't make me gay. Just ask Michael Strahan.

RodyGalindo/GregLouganis said...

We think Ozzie is sexy!

Rudy_not_Rody said...

It's Rudy not Rody -- you bitch!

MLBJennifer said...

Anyone notice how he is looking at the camera? I think he has a real shot at a striving porn career.

Anonymous said...

Is this like th Soviet union, you say the wrong thing and have to go get reeducated?

He should say what he wants and only his employer the white socks should tell him what to do,

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

i'm not homophobic, I drink sea breezes.

Tim Moore said...

i think mariotti should arrange for this picture to be placed on the front page of the sports section. HEADLINE: WHO IS THE REAL FAG?

Sun Devil said...

Don't fuck with Ozzie. He is smarter than you.

The Bush Gestapo said...

"Is this like th Soviet Union, you say the wrong thing and have to go get reeducated?"

Could you repeat that last part a little more slowly, please? And try to speak speak directly into the receiver. The signal on your telephone is a little weak...

George Bush said...

Hey, I don’t blame Ozzie one bit for not wanting to talk to that homosexual reporter, either. I mean, you let these uppity homosexuals become reporters and the next thing you know, they want to get married. I have to tell you, I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I look at a young couple in love, like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and that, too me, is what a marriage is supposed to be. Now you want me to grant a couple of homos the same rights as Tom and Katie? You have to be kidding me. And don’t get me started about when Homos want to adopt, either.

I just want to assure the American people that I am doing my best to rid the world of homosexuals and it should work out just as well as my war on terror.