Saturday, June 17, 2006

Mexico Could Learn from Chuck

When USA Basketball’s Dream Team played Angola (which may or may not be a country, we’re still checking into this on Google) in the 1996 Summer Olympics, Charles Barkley had these comments:

At a press conference before the Dream Team played Angola, Barkley said: "I don't know anything about Angola, but I know they're in trouble."

Barkley was true to his word, and the US obliterated Angola, 87-54, showing its dominance in the sport. He also threw in a total cheap shot at one of Angola’s players, just to remind them who the boss is.

On throwing that elbow at an Angolan, Barkley replied: "Well, he might have pulled a spear on me." Nice, Chuck.

Fast forward to this year’s World Cup, and RaiderNation South, aka Mexico’s national soccer team, was presented with its own opportunity to teach Angola a lesson in the sport that they care about most.

Instead Mexico crapped the bed, like their Oakland-based brethren. The game ended tied 0-0, despite Mexico playing with an extra dude for the last 15 minutes.

So much for winning the World Cup, Mexico will now have to work just to make the next round – where it now looks like they’ll play Argentina, who humiliated Serbia (we think that’s in Europe, or maybe Asia) 6-0.

This should end very badly for Raider/Mexico fans. As it always does.

As for the Team Whopper with Cheese USA Soccer Ball Kickers, Presented by Mastercard, their European Vacation effectively ends tomorrow at the hand of our fellow Axis Power Italy. We’ve been waiting 53 years for this day! World domination will once again be ours! Heh heh heh….

Whoops, did I say that out loud? Where’s that edit button? Ah, f**k it, these lazy American readers won’t make it this far down the column anyway.

Anyway, tomorrows US-Italy match should be a rout. I will sit back and watch with malicious glee at the misfortune of the Americans, who are bound to get drubbed.

I wish I could better explain what we Kraut-rockers will be feeling, but we don’t have a word that corresponds to your English term for this phenomena, I believe you Americans call it schadenfreude.

2 comments:

Rocksteady said...

I guess no drubbing there, eh?

Thissoccerwritersucks said...

If you are going write about shitty soccer. And it's S-O-C-C-E-R. Not this faggy futbol, shit.

Please be moderately funny. Hell, insert at least one thing that would make someone chuckle.