I was just listening to some old Scorpions eight-tracks, when Lil' Hater called and asked me to talk more soccer. No way, I said – I never got paid for my last posting. Cheap bastards.
But then I thought: did my country give up pursuing World Wars after the Treaty of Versailles? Hell no. And I can't stop posting, either, especially if it keeps the boss of the website from writing about Dancing with the Stars or some other nonsense.
I say, America needs – nay, demands – an idiot's guide to gambling for these matches. And scantily-clad picture of Brazilian Soccer Babes. We're working on the second part. But in the meantime, here are some useless thoughts on Friday’s kick-off games:
Germany vs. Costa Rica:
Lil Dieter says Germany coach Jurgen Klinsmann is the smartest coach in the World Cup. It's not because of his game tactics, motivational skills, or personnel choices. It's because the dude lives in Huntington Beach, Ca. (He's a big fan of Taco Surf, I'm told.) Although I'm sure Kaiserslautern, a mere 5,000 miles away, was his second choice. Not.
Costa Rica played champions Brazil better than anyone in 2002; they won’t be afraid of taking on the hosts. But they're still scarred from the brief tenure of shambolic American ex-head coach Steve Sampson, which nearly kept them from qualifying.
Prediction: Germany 2, Costa Rica 1
Poland vs. Ecuador.
Two mediocre teams. Ecuador is no good when they’re not playing at home on top of a 10,000 foot mountain, and Poland is said to be trying out a new formation a week before their first match – never a good sign. But since this is more or less a home game for the Poles and their hooligan fans, I'll go with the mediocre Euro team whose fans attend matches with bike chains and rusty knives.
Poland 1, Ecuador 0, Arrests 30.