Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Why Not Give Him the Finger Instead?

Broncos quarterbacks have long been a menace to the general public in Denver. If a quarterback’s wife is not stealing some poor kid’s colon, another quarterback is busy head-butting your driveway.

Now the citizens of Denver are in constant fear of a rogue quarterback driving the city streets running over people in his Hummer Honda Element (seriously?) like the NFL’s version of Mad Max. (Or at least Michael Pittman’s wife.)

Jake Plummer has been summonsed for a hit-and-run driving/road rage incident two days after the NFL Draft. Both drivers have offered conflicting reports on the incident.

Plummer claims that he was in a rush to a charity event after he had discovered a cure for pediatric cancer. Plummer then said that he 'totally forgot the whole cure thing' when he was rear-ended by Doug Stone. Plummer then got out of the car, check for damage, fixed a dog’s broken leg, helped an old lady across the street, signed an autograph for Doug and noted that his tire pressure was a little low.

Stone said that Plummer cut him off in traffic and blared the horn at him. Plummer then got out of his sweet ride, kicked Stone’s truck, burned an American flag, punched a girl scout, urinated on a bible and yelled “Jay Cutler sucks,” as he sped away.

Yeah, we totally believe Stone in this case.

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3 comments:

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

honda element? no wonder plummer can't get laid.

insomniac said...

I'm sure you meant a "rogue" QB, but I'm amused by the idea of Mike Shanahan forcing some of his makeup on his QBs before he sends them out on the field or into the general public.

Bish Fan Club said...

If Plummer drove an Escalade (like our boy) he'd be so busy getting ass that he wouldn't have time for these ugly incidents.