Friday, May 19, 2006

The Weak Ender

Southern California is swept up in Clippermania, but could the Miami Heat actually be the 21st Century version of the Lakers? Think about it. The Heat has the former Lakers coach (Pat Riley), the former Lakers center (Shaq) and a guard who actually tries to win games (Dwyane Wade).

Add the fact that the Miami Heat dancers (left) are a lot hotter (no 46-year-old dance veterans) and the case is overwhelming.

Steve “The Bish” Bisheff said that the Pistons were a lock for the Finals a few weeks ago, but look at the Heat now. The Heat quietly put away that team they played in the second round (seriously, who was it?) and are going to be well-rested for the conference finals. Detroit has been exposed by a very average Cavaliers team.

The Heat is now the favorite to win the Eastern Conference. And even worse, Lakers fans, there is a very real possibility that the Clippers and Heat could clash in the NBA Finals. Can anybody else imagine Shaq hoisting the NBA championship trophy (does it have a name?) in Staples Center wearing a Heat uniform?

  • The Ducks are finally set to begin their conference finals series against the Edmonton Oilers. Can’t wait to see that match-up. Oh yeah, the series will be played on OLN. That means nobody will see game one except for the lesbians who actually get OLN.
  • The Pistons and Spurs are both down in their respective series, but there is little doubt they will both win on Friday night, and eventually wrap up the series at home in game seven. It’s been fun, but neither the Mavs or Cavs have much hope to succeed—even at home. Don’t get your hopes up
  • Barry Bonds will be attempting to tie Babe Ruth this weekend in Oakland. A’s officials are expecting an over-flow crowd of almost 10,000 people.
  • There is something wrong with the world when Russ Springer is given a four-game suspension for having the audacity of pitching Bonds inside. Maybe if Bonds would remove that (as John Lackey would say) kitty-cat pad on his elbow and back off the plate, this would not happen.
AND FINALLY

The Angels held a closed-door meeting following another tough loss against Toronto in which Vladimir Guerrero displayed the fielding skills of Jose Canseco. The Angels hover just above last place as this experiment of trying to blend the spending power of the New York Yankees with the 1990s minor league model of the Indians just isn’t working. Nobody would have blamed Bill Stoneman if he had kept Dallas McPherson, Casey Kotchman and Jeff Mathis in the minors to take another run for a title. Now the Angels are not only left without guys like Troy Glaus who could provide some much-needed power. To make matters worse, do you think there is a trade value for McPherson or Kotchman now? Remember this when OC and Adam Kennedy are let go for two "can't miss" stars.

As if that wasn't a swift enough kick to the junk, the little sisters of SoCal baseball—the Dodgers—are going to have their fun with the Angels this weekend. You have hit rock bottom when Frank McCourt is running a tighter ship.

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4 comments:

Michael said...

I think you confused OLN with the Oxygen Network. Xena and Ellen are on that channel.

Michael said...

Oh.... and it's the Larry O'Brien Trophy that's handed out to the NBA Champions.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larry_O'Brien_Championship_Trophy

Naked Spoonerman said...

It wouldn't be the first time Hater has been confused regarding gender issues.

Richard Cranium said...

That is the greatest picture I have ever seen.